mikejw

Hi
have read recent posts with interest regarding intergrating into canadian society and making friends.I can only talk from our own perspective and our hopes for Canada and also some reasons we are leaving the U.K.
I have worked in the Fire brigade for 20 years and Orla works full time as a regional manager for a healthcare company.Due to my shift pattern i have done most of the childcare for our two sons (8 &2),now in the U.K. this means you are a social pariah.For all the 'New man' rubbish in the media i am viewed as a freak,out of work bum by people who would rather judge from a distance.
I used to take my oldest son to playgroups when he was younger,me on one side of the hall and all the women on the other,and if you tried to speak to someone they broke out in a cold sweat.To be fair this wasn't always the case as the odd one or two 'Bet Lynch's' would enquire if you would like to come back for coffee!

Financially we both had to work to afford a mortgage in a reasonably good area with decent schools,one of the attractions of Canada is that Orla will have the option of not working as property is so much cheaper and we hopefully will not have a mortgage.It is getting out of the whole circle of debt/mortgage/huge childcare costs in the S.E. of England that will enable us to live a more 'Normal' lifestyle which is more geared up for women not to work and making friends.

I think we are quite realistic on the difficulties this may entail.As such we are looking for a house,maybe in a cul de sac rather than a bigger house on it's own further out.Access to people is very important and we feel that it is up to us to make a real effort.
Neighbours/clubs/schools/work we will try our best with all.

Also it is so hard in the S.E. getting around,most of our friends live 20 miles or more away and it's like an expedition to Everest to see them at weekends, with the traffic.

Friends are very important and i for one am looking forward to meeting new people in N.S. without the 'Man on his own tag' labelled here in the U.K.

Don't know if all this makes sense,probably just having one of those days as we are getting closer to the big move.

mike

Glaswegian

I get the same here in Calgary - I don't work shifts, but my job is very unpredictable - I'm either working flat out or I've got nothing to do.

I occasionally take the kids to school on my slack days - the only moms that talk to me are the ones I know from coaching t-ball - I get to stand all by myself too, like I was invisible.

If you want to meet people, you have to get out and do it through other channels.

Churches are fairly ineffective here in Calgary - they are very nice people, but there isn't really a parish atmosphere - NS is older, so it might be different there.

Get your kids into sports - some people will be friendly - it's lots easier to talk to parents if you volunteer to coach.

Look into joining something fraternal yourself - I haven't got into the pub culture, it's too different from the UK - iit could well be your main way of meeting other grown ups in a social situation.

stepnek

I'm not out there yet but I've seen mention in the past on this forum about how useful it is to do voluntary work in Canada with regard to making contacts for finding work and so on. This sounds like a good idea for meeting people and striking up possible friendships too.

Glaswegian

You can sit at home and stare at the wall, or you can get out to meet people.

There's lots of opportunities to network, oops sorry, volunteer

joggerjo

Hi

Don't know if you have read any of my other posts regarding the lack of friendships at schools here in Canada. Anyhow, I got to thinking and one of the reasons might be that a lot more women seem to work full time here than they did in the UK. ALL of my friends in the UK worked part time and were at school, available to meet up etc etc. Here I have found most of them work full time and therefore aren't available, aren't seen, don't help out at school, a lot go to babysitters and after school clubs etc.

Yes, we decided to buy on a sub division rather than get another acreage and it is a better way to meet more people. It is particular good for the children as they have met lots of other kids.

I have met people at a running club I joined. They appeared to be very friendly people etc etc, I have known them along time and with some I have extended that to going to their homes, helping out with their interiors, given endless lifts to runs etc etc. Recently, I broke my leg and was amazed that not one of my 'so called friends' even bothered to ring to see how I was doing let alone drop by to say hello and relieve my boredom! Now that may well be the Canadian way but personally I think it stinks! I will go back to my running club cos' if I don't I will be the only one that misses out, however I will not be prepared to get close to any of those people again!

I do like Canada and most things about it unfortunately not so keen on the friendships here!!!!

JJ

Glaswegian

There's food for thought - I had thought about joining the Calgary Road Runners this year, but I'm not covinced there's any benefit.

Last hockey season we invited my oldest kid's entire team to his birthday party - most of them came along. Several parents just dumped their kids and left, one parent finally picked her kid up an HOUR after the party had ended.

Did we get any invites in return?

Nope .....

This year the kids are being given a $100 each and sent along to Toys-R-Us.

ukjo

I helped out at my daughters Brownies and in September I am becoming Brown Owl......maybe you could come and be my snowy or tawny owl Mike!!!!

:scared:

mikejw

hi jo
Twit terwoo (never written that before,hence spelling).
Did help ou with my son's cubs but to tell the truth you have got to be so careful nowadays with all the PC stuff.Used to be in my scout days that you had a couple of fellas helping but now it's all women.Nothing too wrong in that as such but boys do like men/dads helping out,playing footie etc
mike

Corky

Well I guess things like this happen all over. My daughter who lives in UK, had a party for her son. She invited 20 kids....sent invites and asked for a response. 10 kids showed up and she had only a few responses back, Some parents stayed for the party some left. All the parents that stayed all sat at one table while my daughter sat with her 1 friend and these people couldn't be bothered to try to have a conversation with them. This last trip back to UK, was an eye opener for us. I found people to be unfriendly and all in a hurry. So I guess there are good people and bad on both sides of the Atlantic.....life is what you make it. Get out there and be socialable!

Glaswegian

The sports crowds vary a lot.

Didn't make any friends in soccer and the coaching was pathetic (no wonder it's become a girl's game here). If you want your kids to play good soccer, try to get a Brit coach if you can.

Made a few friends in t-ball - but I coached there, so the parents had to talk to me. Got some business through one of them too.

Don't really talk to the hockey parents from one season to the next - but that is one VERY competitive and political kid's sport. I can't really remember last season's parents, parents still say hello from the previous year when we managed the team.

simonhouse

Mike,

Not sure if you've read any of my recent posts, but I am a full time stay at home dad here in Calgary.

My experiences here are no different than your experiences in UK - I get all kinds of idiot remarks from my wife's so-called friends, usually behind my back. "Isn't it about time your husband got a job", "He should be out working while you stay home", "What does he do all day - you're child should be in a daycare".. etc etc

Then you have the police patrol cars who slow down/stop whilst I am in the playpark with my daughter - obviously a very strange and criminal sight to see a man with a young girl alone. It does get very intimidating.

Its just a good job my daughter is well behaved and rarely has tantrums, otherwise I'd probably be branded a child abuser or something.

ukjo

i know that the cub/scout scene here are always crying out for male help. my friends husband is a leader at the beavers where his 6 year old (and soon mine too) goes. its a sad old world where you have to be very careful about even helping out at cubs but your honest so go for it. i can even put you in touch with the right people

daisymoll

We have also found it incredibly difficult to make friends in the UK, whereas we had a lovely group of friends in Canada. We did meet them all by luck though when we rented our house. We used to meet up with them every weekend mostly at each others houses.

Here I find it too difficult as a new mum to meet people despite now going to three activities a week. The same problem here is that most mums go back to work or are way older than me.

The only thing I have been invited out to is drinking which just isn't what I want to or am able to do (still breastfeeding). I did actually go out this weekend with some old friends and was shocked at what Maidstone town centre has turned into it. they bring out urinals just for the weekends whcih are out in the streets!!! I really hate this drinking culture that exists over here. People don't seem to know how to enjoy themselves without getting drunk.

Some people can't seem to get it through their heads that I choose to be a Stay at Home mum and continually ask me when I am going back to work. This really irritates me as I feel that being at home is the greatest thing I can do for my son.

My next door neighbour even has a son who is only week younger than mine. I have tried and tried to befriend her, but she already has her friends.

It seems alright if you already have friends over here, but no one ever wants to let you into their cliques.

mikejw

Hi
can't imagine why you don't like Maidstone after dark.It's great to take the family out of an evening to see all the fights by the light of the temporary bogs.Nothing beats a nice ramble over all the comatose bodies and vomit.On a good clear night you can see keebab papers and contents all the way down the high st to the river.My only regret leaving for Canada is that we cannot have anymore wonderful days browsing the charity shops,estate agents and fast food outlets whilst having a good old chat with the friendly canvassers and their dogs along the picturesque building sites with sound of the full anglo saxon vocabulary caressing our ears.
mike

Corky

Gees....Mike. You are gonna be home sick in Fall River then.....just the ducks to watch!!!!Oh and maybe the odd fishing trip!