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Emigration angst

Emigration angst

Old May 15th 2008, 1:22 pm
  #1  
AmandaCAN (AmandaUK)
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Unhappy Emigration angst


We have been told that the school will take the kids, starting in September, so long as visas granted by next September.
The MP's office say we're on track to have a decision on the visa by the end of July, or at worst the end of the year.
The house sale, if it goes ahead, should exchange (contracts) either tomorrow or Monday, with completion in July. Means we can be in here til we leave (for Canada?)
We just got our medical requests yesterday (Weds) so that's the beginning of the accelerated finale - I have it on good authority that it's a long slog to medicals, but once you are there it's downhill all the way ...
So, all posivitve stuff.
My delightful husband (that's not the description in my head!) declared last night that he can't possibly consider moving out there as early as this summer. He bascially has - in my opinion - too many fingers in too many pies. So the disturbing news is that I have the choice of either coming out with the kids, to start our new lives, without my husband ... or I have to hold them back until, say, Christmas, to start in the New Year.
The advantages of waiting til Christmas is that:-
(i) I have more time with my friends and family over here,
(ii) that when we do leave the UK, it's together, as a family, which I feel it should be.
The disadvantages are:-
(i) that it's prolonging the agony of leaving
(ii) that the kids will be starting their new school into the school year (I think it would be more settling for them to be 'new' along with all the other new kids, especially as it's a new school system and new life, lots of changes etc),
(iii) we'll have to move into rented accommodation which confuses the issue of packing and shipping, etc.
Can I cope over there, on my own with the kids, for four or five months, hubby possibly coming over intermittently (which might make it worse)? Someone pointed out ot me that if hubby sees I'm coping just fine, it basically gives him peace of mind to continue this 'fingers in too many pies' lifestyle, coming and going as necessary.

Arghhhhhhh my head hurts.

AmandaUK
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Old May 15th 2008, 3:33 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Afriad I cannot offer any advice other than Good Luck. I guess at least there is light at the end of the tunnel.

At least the meds have come good luck with those.
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Old May 15th 2008, 6:46 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Originally Posted by AmandaUK

We have been told that the school will take the kids, starting in September, so long as visas granted by next September.
The MP's office say we're on track to have a decision on the visa by the end of July, or at worst the end of the year.
The house sale, if it goes ahead, should exchange (contracts) either tomorrow or Monday, with completion in July. Means we can be in here til we leave (for Canada?)
We just got our medical requests yesterday (Weds) so that's the beginning of the accelerated finale - I have it on good authority that it's a long slog to medicals, but once you are there it's downhill all the way ...
So, all posivitve stuff.
My delightful husband (that's not the description in my head!) declared last night that he can't possibly consider moving out there as early as this summer. He bascially has - in my opinion - too many fingers in too many pies. So the disturbing news is that I have the choice of either coming out with the kids, to start our new lives, without my husband ... or I have to hold them back until, say, Christmas, to start in the New Year.
The advantages of waiting til Christmas is that:-
(i) I have more time with my friends and family over here,
(ii) that when we do leave the UK, it's together, as a family, which I feel it should be.
The disadvantages are:-
(i) that it's prolonging the agony of leaving
(ii) that the kids will be starting their new school into the school year (I think it would be more settling for them to be 'new' along with all the other new kids, especially as it's a new school system and new life, lots of changes etc),
(iii) we'll have to move into rented accommodation which confuses the issue of packing and shipping, etc.
Can I cope over there, on my own with the kids, for four or five months, hubby possibly coming over intermittently (which might make it worse)? Someone pointed out ot me that if hubby sees I'm coping just fine, it basically gives him peace of mind to continue this 'fingers in too many pies' lifestyle, coming and going as necessary.

Arghhhhhhh my head hurts.

AmandaUK
Depends on how independent you are from hub, would it affect the kids too much? I don't think that I could do it, when I start my long awaited new life in Canada I want it to start as it should go on, total commitment from all members of the family, to have the best chance of a happy settlement. well that is my take on things, I wish you all well in your new life, whatever you choose to do.
Regards
Sim
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Old May 15th 2008, 6:58 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

I would ask the question who wanted to move in the first place. If it was his idea then he should be pushing it forward not holding it back as it doesn't help you to get on with the next stage of your life.

If it was your choice then his stalling tactics might be a way of indicating he may not be as keen as you think!

So if its the former - go when he wants, if its the latter, then you wanted it so you go for it!
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Old May 15th 2008, 7:16 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

What a dilemma! It seems a never ending process, but you are so close to the finale and now you have this to deal with.
Personally i could not do it on my own and have to wait for husband, but go for it girl if you have the guts, good luck in what ever you decide

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Old May 15th 2008, 7:31 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Originally Posted by AmandaUK

We have been told that the school will take the kids, starting in September, so long as visas granted by next September.
The MP's office say we're on track to have a decision on the visa by the end of July, or at worst the end of the year.
The house sale, if it goes ahead, should exchange (contracts) either tomorrow or Monday, with completion in July. Means we can be in here til we leave (for Canada?)
We just got our medical requests yesterday (Weds) so that's the beginning of the accelerated finale - I have it on good authority that it's a long slog to medicals, but once you are there it's downhill all the way ...
So, all posivitve stuff.
My delightful husband (that's not the description in my head!) declared last night that he can't possibly consider moving out there as early as this summer. He bascially has - in my opinion - too many fingers in too many pies. So the disturbing news is that I have the choice of either coming out with the kids, to start our new lives, without my husband ... or I have to hold them back until, say, Christmas, to start in the New Year.
The advantages of waiting til Christmas is that:-
(i) I have more time with my friends and family over here,
(ii) that when we do leave the UK, it's together, as a family, which I feel it should be.
The disadvantages are:-
(i) that it's prolonging the agony of leaving
(ii) that the kids will be starting their new school into the school year (I think it would be more settling for them to be 'new' along with all the other new kids, especially as it's a new school system and new life, lots of changes etc),
(iii) we'll have to move into rented accommodation which confuses the issue of packing and shipping, etc.
Can I cope over there, on my own with the kids, for four or five months, hubby possibly coming over intermittently (which might make it worse)? Someone pointed out ot me that if hubby sees I'm coping just fine, it basically gives him peace of mind to continue this 'fingers in too many pies' lifestyle, coming and going as necessary.

Arghhhhhhh my head hurts.

AmandaUK
Honestly? Personally, I would tell him it's just too late to change his mind now and he's being incredibly selfish expecting you all to change your plans so close to your planned leaving date. Sorry but I would be livid if I were you and would tell him he's got to stick to the original plan! Presumably this has been planned for years so why has he suddenly changed his mind at the last minute? Is he perhaps having cold feet but just not admitting it?

I just don't think he's being fair and really needs to think about the impact it will have on you all - and in particular, needs to put his children first. It's not really fair to suddenly change things for them now and expect them to miss out on the start of the school year.

I wouldn't go without my hubby (partly just because I would need him to help out particularly with two very young children but mainly because I would think it should be done together as a family) so I wouldn't contemplate it but that's just me.

That's just my opinion mind! Best of luck making a decision.

Last edited by christmasoompa; May 15th 2008 at 7:36 pm.
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Old May 18th 2008, 1:21 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Originally Posted by christmasoompa
Honestly? Personally, I would tell him it's just too late to change his mind now and he's being incredibly selfish expecting you all to change your plans so close to your planned leaving date. Sorry but I would be livid if I were you and would tell him he's got to stick to the original plan! Presumably this has been planned for years so why has he suddenly changed his mind at the last minute? Is he perhaps having cold feet but just not admitting it?

I just don't think he's being fair and really needs to think about the impact it will have on you all - and in particular, needs to put his children first. It's not really fair to suddenly change things for them now and expect them to miss out on the start of the school year.

I wouldn't go without my hubby (partly just because I would need him to help out particularly with two very young children but mainly because I would think it should be done together as a family) so I wouldn't contemplate it but that's just me.

That's just my opinion mind! Best of luck making a decision.
I agree with Christmasoompa!!

What a selfish git!!!!! To go through the years of stress, uncertainty, weeks of waiting and now you are ready!! I cannot believe that someone could be so unfair not only to you but to your kids as well. What happens at Christmas? Will he delay you all further?

If he has cold feet then he should be honest with you and tell you that!! He knew that this time was coming as I am sure you have had long enough to prepare for it. He should have tied all up all loose ends by now!

Just go!!!

I'd go without him and that may show him you are strong enough to manage independently. it may also give him the kick up the backside he needs!

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Old May 18th 2008, 3:16 pm
  #8  
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Default Re: Emigration angst

What you could do maybe, is what we did.

We wanted to land and get the kids into school for the beginning of the year too, so we landed early September and rushed around to get all the PR stuff sorted, which we did in one week, and then I went back to work in the UK and finish selling the house. I had the larger earning job and was unable to earn straight away in Canada due to licensing requirements.

I'm not saying it was ideal. In fact it was horrible and many tears were shed, but I was able to rejoin the family inside two months.

When I first came back out it felt quite weird! I was studying for my exams, and everyone else was at school/work. They were already established out here and I felt it took a while to catch up!

I'd say make him come out with you and stay for two weeks to help get things set up though. Then he can go back and finish his various pies!
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Old May 18th 2008, 5:48 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Couple of questions - who will be working over here - both of you?
Which province are you headed to?
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Old May 18th 2008, 6:49 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Originally Posted by Morwenna

I'd say make him come out with you and stay for two weeks to help get things set up though. Then he can go back and finish his various pies!
Having re-read your OP though (sorry), I see you are considering this as an option. I'd definitely make a firm deadline for him to wrap everything up and start properly in Canada.
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Old May 18th 2008, 7:33 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Originally Posted by AmandaUK

We have been told that the school will take the kids, starting in September, so long as visas granted by next September.
The MP's office say we're on track to have a decision on the visa by the end of July, or at worst the end of the year.
The house sale, if it goes ahead, should exchange (contracts) either tomorrow or Monday, with completion in July. Means we can be in here til we leave (for Canada?)
We just got our medical requests yesterday (Weds) so that's the beginning of the accelerated finale - I have it on good authority that it's a long slog to medicals, but once you are there it's downhill all the way ...
So, all posivitve stuff.
My delightful husband (that's not the description in my head!) declared last night that he can't possibly consider moving out there as early as this summer. He bascially has - in my opinion - too many fingers in too many pies. So the disturbing news is that I have the choice of either coming out with the kids, to start our new lives, without my husband ... or I have to hold them back until, say, Christmas, to start in the New Year.
The advantages of waiting til Christmas is that:-
(i) I have more time with my friends and family over here,
(ii) that when we do leave the UK, it's together, as a family, which I feel it should be.
The disadvantages are:-
(i) that it's prolonging the agony of leaving
(ii) that the kids will be starting their new school into the school year (I think it would be more settling for them to be 'new' along with all the other new kids, especially as it's a new school system and new life, lots of changes etc),
(iii) we'll have to move into rented accommodation which confuses the issue of packing and shipping, etc.
Can I cope over there, on my own with the kids, for four or five months, hubby possibly coming over intermittently (which might make it worse)? Someone pointed out ot me that if hubby sees I'm coping just fine, it basically gives him peace of mind to continue this 'fingers in too many pies' lifestyle, coming and going as necessary.

Arghhhhhhh my head hurts.

AmandaUK
When we moved several years ago, myself coming first, for three months alone. Plus, one year later, a whole year spent away from family on working days, 2-5 days a week. Can't imagine me doing that once more, unless my survival depends on it.
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Old May 22nd 2008, 12:39 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Hi all
Wow thanks for your feedback, that's been a helpful read! I wasn't sure someone's angst would be of any interest to anyone else! I guess we all go through it though ...
We've pretty much reached a compromise: that we'll all head out together to start that new life, kids to start school in September, but I accept hubby will be back and forth as required. I can handle that. It was the idea of five months or so, being "Mummy" 24/7, that would not have been a good thing for any of us.
I guess it's because we've been waiting so darned long, that when it comes through, I just wanna go!!!!!!
Hubby is more cautious and wants to ensure we have an income (far too sensible really!) and until new ventures take off, he wants to hang onto the old faithful one.
Anyway, thanks again, I really appreciate your time!
AmandaUK
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Old May 22nd 2008, 12:45 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Originally Posted by dingbat
Couple of questions - who will be working over here - both of you?
Which province are you headed to?
Hi there
Hubby will be working full time (if not more, hence the 'many fingers in pies' situ) and I will be working - at home - whenever possible to accommodate the kids and school time etc. I'm more likely to be working evenings therefore, when the kids are in bed.
We're headed to Ontario
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Old May 22nd 2008, 12:48 pm
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Originally Posted by AmandaUK
Hi all
Wow thanks for your feedback, that's been a helpful read! I wasn't sure someone's angst would be of any interest to anyone else! I guess we all go through it though ...
We've pretty much reached a compromise: that we'll all head out together to start that new life, kids to start school in September, but I accept hubby will be back and forth as required. I can handle that. It was the idea of five months or so, being "Mummy" 24/7, that would not have been a good thing for any of us.
I guess it's because we've been waiting so darned long, that when it comes through, I just wanna go!!!!!!
Hubby is more cautious and wants to ensure we have an income (far too sensible really!) and until new ventures take off, he wants to hang onto the old faithful one.
Anyway, thanks again, I really appreciate your time!
AmandaUK
Sounds like a very sensible solution, well done you. Hope all goes smoothly.
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Old May 22nd 2008, 2:20 pm
  #15  
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Default Re: Emigration angst

Dump him.

R.
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