daisychain

MartianTom,

We have a young family and cannot imagine what sort of life they are going to have here, not saying it is going to be 100% better but surely better than here. We are also going for my husbands sake. Buying a house with land outright, he wont have to work full time and will be able to enjoy life a whole lot more, can't do that here. And why not try it if you don't you will only regret it for the rest of your lift, what if?, at least if you go and its not right you can come home, i am not to proud to do that. Everyones different in their perspective but ours is to slow down in life, chill and enjoy, at the end of the day you only get one.

hobbitess

Indeed Daisychain, our sentiments exactly.

fledermaus

Unless you have no family or friends you are going to upset someone when you move away. Once the initial shock is over anyone who cares will want to support you. If they don't then you don't need that negative influence in your lives.

hobbitess

Totally agree, and if anything help to keep you afloat in your emotional torrent. I know one of mine would not and one would. Need to dig out the cloaking device!!

thefinneys

Hi,
We have been there and done that too! When we decided to emmigrate my in-laws were really upset. As time got nearer my mother-in-law told me that I was breaking my father-in-laws heart by taking his little granddaughter away from him! It was made worse by the fact that when we finally moved here in Feb we had 2 kids, 5 and 2 and I was 6 months pregnant!
Now after a trip out here my in-laws know the reason for us being here and see that we can offer our kids a better life here in Canada. I know it's not all perfect and Canada has it's problems just like the UK but my 6 year old hated school in the UK and had few friends, here she loves it and has lots of playdates. The range of after school activities on offer is great and much more affordable and I truly believe are happier here, without all of their family.
Everytime I have a wobble and doubt being here by m-i-l says 'I really want you all to come home' instead of being supportive, my sister is the same too. My dad is the sane one, he is 75 and has prostate cancer and yet he knows we will have a good life here, he says he misses us but accepts that it is our life and our happiness and he will support whatever decision we make. It's a pity everyone else can't be the same....it was my son's 3rd birthday in July and my daughters on Saturday and whereas in England they would have cards from all the family only a select few bothered to send them, that bothers me - why take it out on the kids!
Sorry for the ramble, maybe you should take you mum on a recce trip to let her see the kind of life you can have, or atleast encourage her to come and stay when you are here - maybe she will see for herself what a beautiful country this is and be more supportive.

Melanie

lifeisajourney

Lots of support on here from all of us who've gone through similar experiences of varying degrees.

I do think it helps to view close family members' reactions as a 'process'. Initially there's shock and upset, then often denial or desperately trying to convince you to stay, then finally (maybe months, maybe years!), there's an acceptance of sorts and if you're lucky excitement and lots of visits once you finally get over here.

We'd all like to think that our families would support us in all of our endeavours but it doesn't always work like that.

It is selfish, but it is your life and whilst you need to be aware of others' sensitivities you have to live the life you want to, it's just too damn short not too.

Helen Parnell - you seem to have had it particularly rough and the sending of WH Smith vouchers each year is just hilariously petty.

Helen Parnell

I solved the problem by sending them back to my mother for mothers day She was not impressed so she quickly told my brother to sort it out!!

my 2 brothers still fail to phone, email etc etc. When i visit my mother, she makes sure they are around so we meet up but they fail to say more than 'hello and goodbye to me' and asking how my sons are is not even part of their mental psyche.

When you emigrate you soon get to know who your friends are and who aren't.

Yelkcub

I think that it is very hard for parents to see their children leave them at any stage. Think about when you first move out; you were part of their life for so long and then suddenly you're gone. The same applies to emigration - they are going to miss you.

With modern technology there are ways of keeping in contact such as SKYPE and the like; but some older people are in fear of it. It might be that you have family staying who could have skype (or similar set up) and you could have predetermined times to speak to the people you leave behind. You could even set it up before you go so that you could make it more comfortable for your parents to use it. It will never beat personal contact but ultimately it allows you to continue more than a telephone conversation which can sometimes be a struggle.

Hope this is of assistance.

Yelkcub

MartianTom

That work/life balance thing would certainly swing it for me, too. I don't have the money to buy, so will have to rent - so will have to work full-time. That's one downer for me as I only work part-time now, so it won't be about slowing down and chilling (except in the winter!). As for trying to imagine what life would be like for me if I stay... I can't, except to say 'more of the same', which I don't want. I've no issues with the UK, I merely don't feel at home here and want to start a new life (though I'll still be taking me with me, of course!) Equally, I can't imagine how it'll be for me when I go. I've tried to do that, but it's been driving me nuts. I can never know until I'm there. I just know that I will have to work more than I am now - and my free time is very important to me - but hopefully other things will compensate for that. Many people say they've discovered it to be 'same shit, different bucket' - or, at least, 'shinier bucket' - and I'm quite prepared for that. I guess it's just a question of making the best of it, and not expecting it to be everything I want. As long as it fits mostly, I'll be happy.

Good luck with your own journey.

London Mike

It's all already been said in this excellent thread, but just one final tip that I would throw in: try to be sensitive prior to embarkation about how cr*p you might think Britain is and how utopian you think Canada is too. It's amazing - but understandable too - how much family can take this personally. Just be honest about why you think the move will be good for you and your family as opposed to focusing on the negative reasons for leaving Britain.

We're moving with our 5 and 2 year old next June and I fell into this trap with my mother last week who isn't best pleased we're moving too. I made the mistake of justifying the move (in desperation, I think!) on the UK's failing political system, economy, even the damn postal strike - when the reality is (and I've stressed it a few times) that we're going to hopefully make a better life for the family. Since our phone call, I've had emails telling me not to 'trash Britain' given that I'm leaving people behind ... Whoops! I'm sure I made a mistake here.

Helen Parnell

Excellent comment, but to add more when you go back, still be careful what you say. I once mention how bad i thought Tony Blaire was and i got shouted down as to how great a job he was doing. When I speak to my family if I ever say anything negative about the UK I am told that it is not bad where they are, it is only in the rest of the UK. I find the conversation is better not to say anything.

So the current situation in Lancashire is the temperature is about 30, not rained for months, the local council is doing a wonderful job, full employment, there is absolutely no recession, the programs on TV are great and all the TV personalities are worth every penny of the millions they get and I do not need to worry about sending presents for Christmas because the Royal Mail will not strike where my family live!!!!

fuschiagirl

hobbitess

Are the Lancastrians over medicated or what?

lancashirebird

Totally agree helen
On a recent trip back i was told how lovely the area was, how they was luckily to live in such a fab village location.........
To me going back reminded me why i got out in the first place and the place has gone to the dogs, i didnt tell them that
It really surprised me how much i think of my new life, i actually missed canadian things, now although i miss some uk stuff i know that my home is here................
The last year with my family has been a tough one, even been told of a women that knows my mum that i killed her because i left her....FFS
My mum came over to see us and although didnt love canada knew why we had moved, seen our kids who are hitting fantastic grades and has a social calender.......................my eldest school teacher saw her when we was back in the uk and was v.v.v.v shocked to see how much she has changed (for the better)
After everything we have been through this year with moving here and going through hell with family, losing friends, would i do it again ---- HELL YEAH

Just hang in there, it takes time
LB

lifeisajourney

I certainly agree with the previous comments about being careful not to trash the UK - after all people are bound to take it personally!

We adopted the "it's just something that we feel we really really want to do" and "we like England, just are looking for something else I guess", "of course it's crazy, it's not something we expect everyone else to jump up and do too". It kind of takes the sting out of the tail of it and stops (some!) family and friends from getting their backs up or getting too defensive about why they are perfectly content living where they are.

It's not about treading on eggshells, just about being aware how personal people can take your decision to emigrate.