In my opinion, one of the worst things you can do is make a threat that you can't or won't keep. Backing down after you've made a threat undermines your position more than refraining from making a threat in the first place.

So, Stepnek, if you want to threaten your daughter with a withdrawal of financial support, etc., fine, but my advice is to make such a threat only if you are 110% sure you'll stick to your guns.

But I must confess I'm mystified why this Catholic school thing is even an issue.

As already has been stated, there is some chance that the Catholic school won't accept your daughter anyway.

But, even if the Catholic school does accept your daughter, so what? Will it make that much of a difference to her life if she's exposed to Catholicism for a few months?

What goals do you have for your relationship with your daughter ten, fifteen, thirty years from now? How will your digging in your heels or relaxing at this point affect that relationship ten, fifteen, thirty years from now?

Heck, look ahead only five years from now. As long as your daughter has a high school diploma under her belt, will you care in five years where she got that diploma from?

This is somewhat parallel to the power struggles between parents and teenagers that we see on this forum re moving to Canada or staying behind in the UK.

I just don't see what is to be gained from arguing about Catholic school versus public school, which to my mind is a much less important decision than the one about moving to Canada or staying in the UK.

I am sitting here, feeling completely stumped as to why anyone would even bring this up as a topic of discussion and equally stumped as to why I would even get involved in such a discussion.

Okay, our fridge is bare. I need to go out and buy groceries.

That's not true in Ontario. The government funds religious schools for Catholics (and only Catholics).

I agree. There is no need o back away from financial support but if she wants to be an adult than she needs to know the full scope of the responsibilities involved. If that means paying $100 a month in "rent" then that can ony be a good thing. If you, Stepneck, decide to take that $100 and stick it in a savings account for her for future use (downpayment on own apartment or whatnot) the money would be going straight back to her. Not that she'd need to know until that time comes.

As for catholic school. I did that. Kindergarten and the first 6 years. The education was good but I walked away from the experience with a deep rooted fear of death as we were indoctrinated with "if you're good you go to heaven. If you're bad you go to hell." and never told what constituted being bad.

The nuns were very strict with us as well.

Same here, except I studied at a Catholic boarding school up to grade twelve.

I too am a recovering Catholic.

Luckily stepnek's daughter is seventeen, so I think there's a limit to how much the school can mess with her mind at this late stage.

I thought I recognised you from the CA monthly meeting.

I don't always agree with what you say, Judy, but I think this is such a wise reply....not only for this situation, but it could easily be applied to others. Well-deserved Karma sent

Hi Judy in Calgary,

I read your rather long reply yesterday and was somewhat stumped myself by the length of it for someone who couldn't see the point of discussing it. I feel that your final comments attempt to belittle this thread by questioning it's validity just because you don't think it has any significance. Although I did note your smiley face. But if I read a thread that I think has no relevance then I don't contribute to it.

If you recall I just wanted a bit of info about how Catholic schools functioned and I gave a little background on why I wanted to know. It's certainly interesting to read a few opinions on child rearing at the same time and getting other peoples take on things.

You asked "why is the catholic school even an issue?". Well, because we aren't catholics and my daughter has no interest in being a catholic so I feel a certain hypocrisy in her attending a religious school that I've always assumed was there for the purpose of promoting being a good catholic. Now maybe I'm wrong on this so that's why I asked the question about catholic schools in the first place to see if I had it all wrong.

You're probably right about it being a bit of a power struggle but I'm trying my best for it not to be and for both of us to end up still feeling like we want to be a part of the same family.

Finally, I brought this up in the Canada forum because it was a question about Canadian Catholic Schools and I feel like I have a bit more information now. Thanks everyone.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Stephen.

All the best with your efforts to resolve the issue.

I appreciate that Judy but I'm fine. My feelings weren't hurt I just had a corner that I felt needed defending. If we throw something out into a public forum we have to be ready for anything that comes back and challenge it if we care to.