baby blues or homesick
Jan 12th 2010, 2:16 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 140
baby blues or homesick
Hi there,
We have been in Canada for slightly over 2 years now. We both have jobs at which work and travel to work takes up 12 hours of the day, and we bought a lovely house in the Summer.
We had a baby in December, and the grandparents came over to visit from the UK to see him for a couple of weeks. They kept pointing out that at home we would have a bigger support network, and that they will miss out on their grandchild growing up. Couple that with the holidays (3 weeks per year, which we knew about before we came but didnt realistically factor in) which doesnt really allow for flying home that often, and the fact that we only know a handful of people here.
Since they have gone I have been incredibly homesick and I am romanticizing life in the UK. Yet logically, all the reasons we left are still there, and yet I feel drawn home, whilst my more level headed husband wants to stay here.
I feel really stuck.
Sorry for moaning and hope someone can help me sort through this
Trax
We have been in Canada for slightly over 2 years now. We both have jobs at which work and travel to work takes up 12 hours of the day, and we bought a lovely house in the Summer.
We had a baby in December, and the grandparents came over to visit from the UK to see him for a couple of weeks. They kept pointing out that at home we would have a bigger support network, and that they will miss out on their grandchild growing up. Couple that with the holidays (3 weeks per year, which we knew about before we came but didnt realistically factor in) which doesnt really allow for flying home that often, and the fact that we only know a handful of people here.
Since they have gone I have been incredibly homesick and I am romanticizing life in the UK. Yet logically, all the reasons we left are still there, and yet I feel drawn home, whilst my more level headed husband wants to stay here.
I feel really stuck.
Sorry for moaning and hope someone can help me sort through this
Trax
Jan 12th 2010, 2:51 pm
#2
ModerĪ±tor Emeritus
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
Re: baby blues or homesick
Hi there,
We have been in Canada for slightly over 2 years now. We both have jobs at which work and travel to work takes up 12 hours of the day, and we bought a lovely house in the Summer.
We had a baby in December, and the grandparents came over to visit from the UK to see him for a couple of weeks. They kept pointing out that at home we would have a bigger support network, and that they will miss out on their grandchild growing up. Couple that with the holidays (3 weeks per year, which we knew about before we came but didnt realistically factor in) which doesnt really allow for flying home that often, and the fact that we only know a handful of people here.
Since they have gone I have been incredibly homesick and I am romanticizing life in the UK. Yet logically, all the reasons we left are still there, and yet I feel drawn home, whilst my more level headed husband wants to stay here.
I feel really stuck.
Sorry for moaning and hope someone can help me sort through this
Trax
We have been in Canada for slightly over 2 years now. We both have jobs at which work and travel to work takes up 12 hours of the day, and we bought a lovely house in the Summer.
We had a baby in December, and the grandparents came over to visit from the UK to see him for a couple of weeks. They kept pointing out that at home we would have a bigger support network, and that they will miss out on their grandchild growing up. Couple that with the holidays (3 weeks per year, which we knew about before we came but didnt realistically factor in) which doesnt really allow for flying home that often, and the fact that we only know a handful of people here.
Since they have gone I have been incredibly homesick and I am romanticizing life in the UK. Yet logically, all the reasons we left are still there, and yet I feel drawn home, whilst my more level headed husband wants to stay here.
I feel really stuck.
Sorry for moaning and hope someone can help me sort through this
Trax
If its any consolation as the kids get older and get into more activites they do become a catalyst to meet more people, but its tough at first with little kids. All you can do is make the effort to get out and meet people as much as possible. You cant quicky replace friends youve known since you were a kid or who you made through common experiences...if at all. It takes a long time to replace family and friends.
Last edited by iaink; Jan 12th 2010 at 5:41 pm.
Jan 12th 2010, 3:03 pm
#3
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Dundas, Ontario
Posts: 176
Re: baby blues or homesick
Hi
Having a new baby is hard enough at the best of times, let alone when you've emigrated and your parents have just gone back after a visit.
It's ok to feel down. All us mums have been there. The sleepless nights, the crying, the constant round of nappies and feeding, feeling that you've lost your old self, even if you were still in England you'd be feeling down/anxious/ a little crazy at times.
Also having a baby makes us question our life choices in a major way.
Don't make any rash decisions just yet. Just try and get through those first six months of a new baby intact and sane. When you feel ready, try and find some mother and baby groups to hang out at. You'd be amazed how it helps to connect with other women going through the same stuff as you, even Canadians don't always have grandparents on their doorsteps and it'll help you keep things in perspective as well as over time provide you with the friends and support network that all mums and kids need.
Long term though, only you and your husband can decided whether staying in Canada is the right thing for you and your growing family.
Back in England both our families were a good hour and a half away so I've never had that "can I leave the baby with you for half an hour" support that some have. I therefore found that moving to Canada didn't really affect me in that sense, it was still just me having to get on with it all by myself. Our parents visit us in Canada once or twice a year and we make the most of it when they're here and we've only headed back once during the 2.5 years we've been here. For us, it's not ideal, but something that we've accepted as part of the emigration process. For others, it might be the deciding factor that makes them realise that emigrating wasn't quite right for them after all.
Hang in there.
Having a new baby is hard enough at the best of times, let alone when you've emigrated and your parents have just gone back after a visit.
It's ok to feel down. All us mums have been there. The sleepless nights, the crying, the constant round of nappies and feeding, feeling that you've lost your old self, even if you were still in England you'd be feeling down/anxious/ a little crazy at times.
Also having a baby makes us question our life choices in a major way.
Don't make any rash decisions just yet. Just try and get through those first six months of a new baby intact and sane. When you feel ready, try and find some mother and baby groups to hang out at. You'd be amazed how it helps to connect with other women going through the same stuff as you, even Canadians don't always have grandparents on their doorsteps and it'll help you keep things in perspective as well as over time provide you with the friends and support network that all mums and kids need.
Long term though, only you and your husband can decided whether staying in Canada is the right thing for you and your growing family.
Back in England both our families were a good hour and a half away so I've never had that "can I leave the baby with you for half an hour" support that some have. I therefore found that moving to Canada didn't really affect me in that sense, it was still just me having to get on with it all by myself. Our parents visit us in Canada once or twice a year and we make the most of it when they're here and we've only headed back once during the 2.5 years we've been here. For us, it's not ideal, but something that we've accepted as part of the emigration process. For others, it might be the deciding factor that makes them realise that emigrating wasn't quite right for them after all.
Hang in there.
Jan 12th 2010, 5:26 pm
#4
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,113
Re: baby blues or homesick
Hi there,
We have been in Canada for slightly over 2 years now. We both have jobs at which work and travel to work takes up 12 hours of the day, and we bought a lovely house in the Summer.
We had a baby in December, and the grandparents came over to visit from the UK to see him for a couple of weeks. They kept pointing out that at home we would have a bigger support network, and that they will miss out on their grandchild growing up. Couple that with the holidays (3 weeks per year, which we knew about before we came but didnt realistically factor in) which doesnt really allow for flying home that often, and the fact that we only know a handful of people here.
Since they have gone I have been incredibly homesick and I am romanticizing life in the UK. Yet logically, all the reasons we left are still there, and yet I feel drawn home, whilst my more level headed husband wants to stay here.
I feel really stuck.
Sorry for moaning and hope someone can help me sort through this
Trax
We have been in Canada for slightly over 2 years now. We both have jobs at which work and travel to work takes up 12 hours of the day, and we bought a lovely house in the Summer.
We had a baby in December, and the grandparents came over to visit from the UK to see him for a couple of weeks. They kept pointing out that at home we would have a bigger support network, and that they will miss out on their grandchild growing up. Couple that with the holidays (3 weeks per year, which we knew about before we came but didnt realistically factor in) which doesnt really allow for flying home that often, and the fact that we only know a handful of people here.
Since they have gone I have been incredibly homesick and I am romanticizing life in the UK. Yet logically, all the reasons we left are still there, and yet I feel drawn home, whilst my more level headed husband wants to stay here.
I feel really stuck.
Sorry for moaning and hope someone can help me sort through this
Trax
Well I havent and will never experience the after affects of having a baby as I am a guy! However your post did strike a chord in me and know exactly how you feel. As I have mentioned on here before, things have far from gone to plan for me in Canada, and like you this makes me romanticise about my old life in the UK, the settledness of it all (I am far from settled here - lack of proper employment and a personal but rather a big hicup im my frst two months saw to that) so now I find I desparatly miss my family and close friends, altho they had there own lives (most were married with kids and I am still single) I am finding now that they were actually there for me, and altho they had different lifestyles to me, were (still are) true friends. Something I do not have here, I dont seem to be remotely getting any closer to achieving, despite getting out and about a lot. (well locally at least)
Another point you made was your parents not seeing their grandchildren growing up, its the other way around for me, as I dont have kids of my own, (still hope to) I focused on my nephew, but now sadly I am also missing him growing up. I knew this before I came but thought other advantages of the move would help me live with it.
I have only been in Canada for 7months but damn is seems like 7 years! As Iain said unfortunatly thats expat life, all you can do is focus on the positives....you have each other and a new baby, a lovely home and good jobs, and the reasons for leaving the UK are still high in your mind. However I am starting to find that actually living thro the emigration process starts to emphasise what really is important to you as a person in your life.
As OP said hang in there for a while, it sounds as tho you have a lot to lose to consider returning, I suppsoe that comes down to the more materialistic side of life tho. Time will tell. I can very much empathise with you if nothing else.
All the best
Paul
Last edited by Paul_Shepherd; Jan 12th 2010 at 5:32 pm.
