Yeah, I was wondering about that too I met a few people from England during my first year of university - they actually became the best friends I had, so it was a pity when they had to leave. It got me thinking about going to England for a year, but my only concern is obviously how expensive that would be, and I just don't think its possible

Fair enough.

It sounds like you have a plan already though: finish uni; save up some cash; move to the UK. Almost everyone here (including me) will agree that this is a perfectly sensible plan - can't you just do that?

Millie, it sounds to me like you needed this conversation on here as a means to talk about this and help make some plans.
I hope that you have got something from here and some good grounds to make next steps.
It sounds like you know how your chat with you mum will go so you need to make these plans yourself anyway. Life can be a great adventure, you are right at the start.
Write down where you want to be and then start your journey to get there.
Much luck being sent your way

I think you've had some very good ideas presented here about having a year int he UK by various means, and you do have the advantage of being able to choose between the two countries.

I'd also say though, that this is a big planet and there's plenty of it to explore, and there's absolutely no reason why you should need to make your mind up about whether you want to settle permanently in Canada or the UK yet. We're older and still don't know where we want to end up! Maybe you could explain to your mum that you'll never know unless you try both countries, and you don't want to regret not trying both.

Also, at the end of the day, you are responsible for your own happiness. By that, I mean that nobody can know what you need to be truly happy except for you, and nobody else can provide it for you. You've figured something out, that's not selfish, it's being responsible to yourself. Similarly, you are not responsible for your mother's happiness, and you cannot be expected to supply it for her. To sacrifice your own happiness for someone else is something you should never have to do. I believe that our children (and we) deserve to be happy. The only way they can learn to be happy within themselves is for us to show them how to do it by being true to ourselves. That's not by being selfish and blatantly hurting other people or preventing them from doing what makes them truly happy, just by looking after ourselves. And it's not something you can really do for another person no matter how much they tell you they want you to.

That's coming from someone who's done a lot of work regarding parental narcissism. I can recommend a couple of books that have helped me a lot if anyone else has similar issues.

Agree with Dashie and Ailsa & Dave and Alan. I know it's hard, but it really isn't your job to make your mother happy. She is being selfish.

I think your plan is a good one. Remember, you don't owe her an explanation. YOu're an adult now and you want to go try the UK for a while - end of.

But he can spend his life in 26 countries of the EU, if he so chooses. Believe me, Canada isn't all that great. My daughter, who came over here aged 3 years, is making plans to return to the UK for university; she just doesn't "feel" Canadian. And after 15 years here, I can't say that I am all that struck by the place either, and will probably follow her back.

[QUOTE=millie1993;10306413]


I left all my friends behind and haven't since made any close, real friends. I feel like I've missed out on so much since leaving; and every time I go back for a visit, I have no desire to return to Canada. I feel so much more comfortable in the UK, like I belong. I can't pinpoint exactly what I miss, its just everything: the people, the scenery, the roads, the weather, the shops, the cafes, the food, the seaside, the country, etc. I'm trying not to look at it through "rose-tinted glasses" because I'm aware that there's bad things about the UK as well (but as there are with any place, I suppose), but I honestly cannot see any future for myself in Canada.


You pinpointed the things that I really do miss - I just didn't realise until I saw it in print. I'm feeling quite homesick myself now.

Perhaps you should show your mum this thread - she needs to know. As a mum myself, I would want to.

I can see it now: "Look mum, strangers on the internet think I should tell you to go **** yourself while I get my arse back to the UK for a bit". I'm sure that will go down well at home

I agree with nativenewyorker. You should look into doing an exchange year/sandwich year abroad as part of your degree (usually your third year) (Speak to your International Office at your uni for info on all the exchange universities they have for opportunities to spend a year abroad) in the UK. If you really like it you can always transfer to a UK uni to finish your degree or come back to Canada for your 4th year, and get everything in place for a move back to the UK one your degree is complete.

At 19, you're still so young and should be launching into life, full of hope and aspiration! I made some of my closest friends whilst at high school and university. As you don't feel you've made friends through high school, I'd urge you to throw everything into creating friendships at uni. Once you get through uni and into the working world you'll find making friends more difficult as everyone else has their friendship groups already. Join sports clubs, social groups and meet ups along the way. Without a support network to discuss problems/ideas/have idle chit-chat, no matter where you end up, it will be a struggle. Those friends you had back in the UK when you were younger, may have moved on, so you may not be able to count on them to be at your side if you move back to England.

I would say do what's right for you. Having been in Canada for 3 years, and getting to the age when I'll hopefully be having kids soon, I do feel guilty sometimes about choosing to live my life so far from my parents, (and them not being able to see their future grand kids very often). I'm not sure where you are in Canada, but it's a pretty huge country, so would your mum still feel angry if you say moved from TO to Vancouver? Flights would be just as expensive, and you likely see each other just as little. In fact since moving away I have spent more time with my parents than I did when we lived in the same country! And if I lived life again, I'd do it exactly the same again.

I know people who moved here decades ago and they still have strong British accents. I suspect you are more Canadian than you realise as if you move back to the UK, you may not 'fit-in' there either. I think I sound British but my friends back in the UK rip me for my Canadian twang!

I'm sad that you've spent your youth in limbo - missing 'home', that you've missed out on so much here in Canada by living in this limbo - dreaming of life across the pond. But you can't dwell on the past. Jump, take a chance, and wherever you end up, live life to the full as it only comes around once. Choices were made for you as a child, now as an adult you can make your own choices, be they right or wrong. As most expats say, it's better to regret something you've done, than something you haven't!

Good luck, and take care of yourself!

oh you sweet, sweet girl. I haven't written on here for a long time but check in from time to time. My last post was written at a time when our beautiful 16 year old daughter was in crisis. Most of her problems stemmed from the huge upheaval she felt in leaving the UK. Not blaming it solely on that to be honest we've learnt so much about her in these past months and realise its a "perfect storm" that was bound to lead to her cry for help.

The good news is we're coming out of it all now and can start breathing again and looking to the future. We have more good days now than bad days. I'm taking her back to the UK for 3 weeks before Christmas (only 2nd time in nearly 6 years) and she's so excited.

I think there is a huge problem for older kids settling into another Country, always feeling like one foot is in the old Country and the other here. A lot of the time they realise the sacrificies and hard work the parents have put into the move and feel guilty for sounding ungrateful or awkward. But this was our dream not the kids, its too much pressure on the kids to conform afterall it wasn't a decision that was even put past them.

I think your mother should consider herself extremely lucky to have a daughter so eloquent and caring such as yourself. I think that you should pursue your dream of living in the UK again and start your adult life the way you would like it. There is nothing wrong with turning around to your parent and saying this is your dream not mine. It's time for me to seek my own way and I would love your blessing and backing because that will make it easier for both of us but if you can't bring yourself to say this to me then you need to know I will be going regardless.

I truly wish you all the luck in the world and I hope your mother understands that if you love something you have to let them go and find their own way. You can't stifle kids they need to spread their wings and the UK isn't all that bad of a place, theres worst!

I've PM'd you too, check your inbox x

If you want it badly enough you'll find away to find a way to finance it. If I were you I go to the UK and don't look back. Tell your mum there's always Skype now if she wants to stay in touch with you and any future grandchildren. Good luck.

Excuse me but I never said that so <snip> Alan. I meant for her to show her mum the thread to start a conversation going between them.

You might not have, but I did.

I had a similar situation with one of my children when they first came to Canada. After two years of him being unhappy I said that I wanted him to finish his education after this I said if he still wanted to go back I would personnally buy his ticket. I admit that I was a bit annoyd when I said it, butI meant it.

After that his thinking changed and he decided to make the most of his life here and he is now happy. I think he just wanted me to acknowledge how was feeling and give him a choice. as he did not have a choice when we moved to Canada. I would have kept my promise to him if things had not changed.

When I decided to come to Canada my dad thought I was being selfish to want to leave the family and the UK. This was despite the fact that he left his birth country to move to the US before finally settling in the UK. Eventually he cam round to accept my move because he wants me to be happy.

At the end of the day, that is what most parents want. You are an adult and it is your choice.

Whenever i go back to the UK I feel like I am going home and like a weight that I did not know was there was lifted off my shoulders but after a few weeks the things that pushed me to make the move send me back to my life in Canada.

One of my daughters recently tolm me she is not happy in montreal and wants to move to another part of Canada. When she does we will miss her, but she is big enough and mature enough to make her own decisions.

Canada is not for everyone, and if you move back to the UK and are not happy there, there is nothing stopping you from moving back to Canada, or anywhere else in the world you choose.