my 18 year old son is coming to visit us this month an he has bought a one way ticket so he can go when hes had enough of us - YAY i'm soooooo excited i havn't seen him since last oct an i know i'm gonna blubb when i see him!

anyway he has said in the past he doesnt want to come to canada with us, (we are due to be out by the end of oct) now for a start i know i'll feel i wont be able to be excited bout us going in front of him incase he gets upset (well moody as 18 year olds get) i dont want to pee him off when we havnt seen him for so long!
but would i be wrong in tryin to persuade him to come with us!!!! i know deep down it would be but i know i wont be able to help myself i so desperatly want him to come with us!
anyone else been in the same/similar boat??

Not in a similar boat at all, but it does sound like he might want to come with you, otherwise why the single ticket?? after all he could just take off for a wander around Greece when he gets fed up.
Maybe he wants you to ask him again?

Just be honest but not pushy and see where it goes. Enjoy making your plans and be excited, why not? It's hard to second guess a teenager.

What's all the fuss? Just ask him nicely whether he'd like to move out with you. If he says no, then he doesn't. It was your decision to emigrate, not his.

Good luck with it though

thank you can only but wait an see!!

Hi

Patiently see how he reacts, then when the timing is right ask him straight!

We had this with our eldest daughter, she married (age 20) so automatically is now off our application. Really stupid thing to do but I could not stop her. I told her out right the consequences but she was having non of it.

18 months later divorced!!! Bloody typical, just soooo knew it!!

Anyway, she has made her decisions in life and leave it at that.

Our middle daughter has been very up and down with it all, one minute she wants to go and the next undecided. This has been going on for 3 years! So will just ask her outright when we have to make that final discission. In the meantime I try not say too much.

Our youngest son now 12 never been an issue!

This is one of the reasons to apply for PR when children are very young, as they get older they have their own minds! Very hard waiting for PR when children are roughly between the ages of 12 - under 22.

Good luck!

Angela

We came over 3 yrs ago with sons aged 18 and 16, the 16 year old who had just finished secondary school in the UK got in High School here, his experience of Canada has been good, he made lots or friends, gone few a fair amount of girlfriends and generally has been having a great time.
The 18 year old was too old to attend High School and found life much harder as he didn't meet up with any of his age group, and found it very hard to fit in and make friends. Therefore his experience has not been good and he is eager to return to the UK.
I knew it would be hard coming over with boys this age and believe me it WAS, it is asking such a lot of them to leave their friends and family behind, and many a time I have felt terribly guilty especially with the the 18 yr old.
Also both boys want to go into trades, and we had to pay for both to go to University to get the foundation course certificate for both of their trades. We also do not live near a Uni so had to pay for accommodation aswell. So around $10k each. But in the UK the foundation course for trades was free I believe if they are under 19.
P.S We are in BC and the legal drinking age here is 19, so 18 yr old missed going down the pub. So all in all as a mother I desperately wanted my sons with me ..... but if I had to do it over again, and I knew he had somewhere nice to live and a means of making a living then I would let him stay in the UK.

We have 2 sons, the eldest stayed in the UK, he is 25 now. He's getting married next month and is happy to stay in the UK, i think? Thats what he says anyhow.

I am not going to push him into coming here its his and his wife to be choice, not mine or his mums. He has plans in the UK to be getting on with. I have said if he gets fed up, our door is obviously always open for him. I did not want to persuade him into coming, because what if it did not work out for him, no job, no money, no pub culture, no real ale or decent Guinness, he loves Guinness. All that is important to him so i let him be. Maybe one day he will change his mind, maybe he won't, and yes, we do miss him.

I might be missing something here, but what is it that draws you to Canada so much? I don't understand your circumstances, and I certainly don't mean to be harsh, but I would never trade Canada for one of my sons.

Husband wanted to come more than the rest of us, yes it was selfish of him, but he genuinely thought he was making the right decision for his family. As it turns out I was right and he should have listened to me (nowt new there then )
I agree I would not willingly trade Canada for my sons and I thankfully did'nt have to at that moment in time when we came over 3 yrs ago, but I won't lie it has been tough especially on the older lad and to see him so unhappy was not easy. He did in fact go back to the UK to join the British Army, he was accepted but before he officially started I once again messed up and asked him to come back because the Canadian Army announced they were accepting PR's on the same basis as Citizens, & after speaking with several recruiting officers they assured us the lad would get in no trouble. So back he came, passed all their tests waited 4 wks for a start date for basic training then was told "sorry the government has rescinded on their decision to let PR'S join so your file is closed" !!
We are ALL now planning on going back to UK, although we are applying for citizenship before we go back. (Just in case).

We are emigrating to Vancouver in Oct this year.

When we first took our daughter to Vancouver to show her around in 2006and say 'look at this lovely place we will be living' she was 16, soooo the wrong age. I remember we took a day out to show her around UBC, we were stood on the beautiful peninsula with breath taking views, and we turned around to see her stood there texting her mates! Anyway after the week we came home to the UK, she went back to school finished her A levels and has now completed 2 years of her degree here in the UK.
So 4 years on, she has one more year to do at uni and she has always maintained that when she finishes her degree she will stay in the UK, as she didn't really get what we like about Vancouver, and perhaps come see us for the summer etc...yes I know she is not techincally a child anymore as she is 20, but the thought of leaving her behind was very upsetting to me.

ANYWAY...that all changed about 6 weeks ago, so 4 years on from her last visit to Van, we all went on our landing and reccie trip, as regardless of how much the young lady doth protest 4 years ago, I am the adult and make the decisions and we were still submitting a family visa! The long and short of it is, thank goodness I did as after 2 weeks she completely loved it and did not want to come back to the UK, and now all we get is 'has the house sold?' 'when are you going?'. She is now coming out to live the instant she finishes her finals in June 2011, so she will only be in the UK without us for 8 months.

So I guess in this ramble what I am trying to say is I am feeling your pain, I know what you are going through, but please take heart with the fact that kids change and grow so much before they become a proper person.

Your son has bought a one way ticket, so perhaps that is his gawky, uncomforatble, teenage way of saying I want to give this a go, without actually having to come out and say it! Best of luck with it..kids eh?!

thanks to everyone for all your advice an experiences there,

well when we moved to crete a year ago we left my eldest then 17 with his dad, he had a good carpentry apprenticeship with a good company and had been for a year since he left school he told us he wanted to finish the apprentiship then he may join us so we thought very sensible,

well a month after we left we found out he'd given up the apprentiship and got a job part time in a pub (found out through a friend - son never told us!) i was furious with his dad letting him give it up, but son told us he was due to start full time music college and thats what he wanted to do so we calmed down and gave him our full back up thinking well at least he doing something, well he hasnt started college and now cant find a job, he does regret giving up the apprentiship but hindsight and all that i dont know why he didnt start college either he just says he doesnt know whether he still wants to do it,

me and his stepdad just feel that he's lost his way a bit, his real dad i think has just tried to play the cool dad and let him do as he pleases, whereas we are more the practical parents - get a trade etc and were always the more structured throughout his childhood - i suppose the boring parents who were stricter bout what time to be in etc

so i'm hoping he has grown up a bit now that he has had a year of doing as he pleases, your right i'm not and can't try and persuade him to come with us that'd be selfish i can only answer any questions he has and be completely honest with my answers regarding work, college etc, we've always told him wherever we are its always his home too, and as some of you have said maybe its his gawky way of not wanting to ask outright.

i have looked into colleges, work regarding eldest just in case so i am all informed if he asks, so shall just have to wait and see, oh has told me not to build my hopes up but i have, and he knows i have, but i shall try to just concentrate on just seeing him so roll on the 20th!!!!

We are leaving the UK for Alberta in october and wish too that we were all going together. My eldest daughter is 21 and wants to stay here with her fiance, which I hate the idea of, but hey, we cannot choose their partners for them can we! My son is 19,and we are going over on the PNP scheme, meaning he will not be able to work until we are permanent residents (unless anyone can advise me otherwise)??? he currently has a full time job here in the UK, so he said that he wants to go onto our application, but will come every 3-4 months until we are permanent, by which time he can find work. I am hoping that he will be allowed to do this and it wont mess up our application. Does anyone have any experience of this? Our youngest will obviously come with us as she is just 6, but she will miss her brother and sister terribly. By the sounds of your 18 year old, he has got a one way ticket, so he is obviously going to give it a go and see how he feels, fingers crossed for you

Hopefully i'm wrong but maybe, just maybe, he's a little miffed with you for "deserting" him by moving to another country. At that age, i know i'd not have been best pleased if my mum decided to bugger off to another country.

you should go into family counselling

your absolutely right i do agree with you .... i think maybe a form of rebelling on his part and thinking about it in truth i dont blame him, but its not as though i woke up one day though and decide to "bugger off" as you put it ... when we moved we did all sit down on i dont know how many occasions and discuss and plan everything it wasnt something that was done lightly at the drop of a hat, and he was all for it but said he wanted to finish his apprentiship first then would join us, which we thought was sensible, then as my post above.

your post was blunt and to the point which i'm not slating at all as i think you hit the nail on the head, i can only wait and see what frame of mind he is in when he visits, i think (am hoping) he may have moved on from the feelings you've stated as i dont think he'd be coming out if he still felt like that, even if its just a visit?