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9 years and still homesick

9 years and still homesick

Old Oct 29th 2021, 3:56 am
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Default 9 years and still homesick

I moved 9 years ago after falling head over heels in love with a canadian on holiday in Mexico. We are married with 2 children.

I always wanted to move back but stayed so I could have children and be with them when they are young. My husband is not into the idea of moving to the Uk, he loves his sport and has a really secure well paid job. We have a really nice house and live very comfortably. However I still dream of the Uk and I miss my family badly, it’s never gone away. It’s gnawed at me for years. Anyone in the same or similiar situation as me?

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Old Nov 3rd 2021, 11:04 am
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

Originally Posted by Reevokid View Post
I moved 9 years ago after falling head over heels in love with a canadian on holiday in Mexico. We are married with 2 children.

I always wanted to move back but stayed so I could have children and be with them when they are young. My husband is not into the idea of moving to the Uk, he loves his sport and has a really secure well paid job. We have a really nice house and live very comfortably. However I still dream of the Uk and I miss my family badly, it’s never gone away. It’s gnawed at me for years. Anyone in the same or similiar situation as me?
Me. My husband isn’t keen on moving back. We never lived in his home to begin with. Waves of homesickness get more frequent and “debilitating” as I get older and longer here. I just posted a thread about it. Rationally, everything should be perfect here, and yet I can’t make myself feel that way. It’s a horrible feeling.

My husband is willing to move back, but I find the weight of making the decision for everyone is too much, and maybe I’ll fall on my sword once again, maybe…

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Old Nov 3rd 2021, 10:24 pm
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

Originally Posted by Reevokid View Post
I moved 9 years ago after falling head over heels in love with a canadian on holiday in Mexico. We are married with 2 children.

I always wanted to move back but stayed so I could have children and be with them when they are young. My husband is not into the idea of moving to the Uk, he loves his sport and has a really secure well paid job. We have a really nice house and live very comfortably. However I still dream of the Uk and I miss my family badly, it’s never gone away. It’s gnawed at me for years. Anyone in the same or similiar situation as me?

Are you still in love with your husband, but did having the children now outweigh that love?

Could you really bear to leave him here and take your children away?

What would you do if he wanted custody of the children? Even sharing custody of 2 young children could be difficult, not to mention expensive, with the parents in 2 different countries

Are you prepared to be a single parent, with probably a major drop in income?

I presume you may have thought through all this, if not then it might be worth you thinking about them.

Yes, there are plenty of people on this site who are very homesick, but none I think in exactly the same situation.

Everyone's situation is different after all, but the main difference I see is that you are of 2 different nationalities, one Canadian and happy here, and one British and not happy.

One suggestion that I could make is to see if you, with or without the children (not ideal, I know), can go back to the UK for a long holiday without your OH, preferably 2 to 3 months, instead of 2 weeks. That will allow you to see whether a) life is really the same now as it was, b) can you still feel that longing with those changes, and c) how do your friends and family react when you are there for a long time.

I was a little surprised to discover that a) there had been massive changes in the area I knew well after only 5 years, and b) that many family and so-called good friends were happy to see us once or maybe twice, but even 6 weeks was too long for them to be more fully drawing us back in to the circles.

I hasten to say that was not all of them, but it was a sufficient number for us notice that they really didn't want to see us or meet us in the pub more than that, and then there were the ones who wouldn't make the effort to come to us but were happy if we made all the moves, drove the distance, etc


Whatever you decide, do make sure that you AND your children have Canadian citizenship before you make the final decision.
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Old Nov 4th 2021, 3:57 pm
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

I also think where you are in Canada makes a huge difference. The UK is full of towns and cities that are walkable, urban and full of life. In Canada, many cities are just suburban places where you can have a detached house, but very little else is going on and no easy way to get anywhere without a car. Some suburbs don't even have sidewalks/pavements. I can imagine someone feeling homesick and depressed in those circumstances.

Scilly, if I remember rightly you live in Vancouver itself which is a very exciting place with lots going on and easy to walk around and get around by transit (and I'm rather jealous!). I personally live in Walnut Grove in Langley, which while it is suburban it is quite walkable with shops, parks and a very nice community of people and kids walking around and playing on the street all the time, so that's not so bad compared to other suburbs. Also interestingly Walnut Grove has quite a few UK migrants too.

May not be the complete answer, I understand missing family, friends and other UK conveniences, but I think if your quality of daily life is just generally lower that can be a huge factor.
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Old Nov 4th 2021, 5:13 pm
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

Originally Posted by Reevokid View Post
I moved 9 years ago after falling head over heels in love with a canadian on holiday in Mexico. We are married with 2 children.

I always wanted to move back but stayed so I could have children and be with them when they are young. My husband is not into the idea of moving to the Uk, he loves his sport and has a really secure well paid job. We have a really nice house and live very comfortably. However I still dream of the Uk and I miss my family badly, it’s never gone away. It’s gnawed at me for years. Anyone in the same or similiar situation as me?
Did you apply for your citizenship in 2017 in the end? If you are still considering leaving Canada (I seem to recall you have been mentioning the possibility for quite a few years) then I would recommend you apply asap - your children and your husband are Citizens by birth - if the children returned to live in Canada at any time in the future (even as adults), you will probably want to be able to be here as well, so best make sure you can! As your children are Canadian Citizens they will be required to travel on Canadian passports, if you are thinking of going back to the UK even for a visit.. https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration...it-canada.html

It will be hard for your husband to give up his well paid established career in Canada for an unknown situation regarding work in the UK... whilst he may be able to get a job of some kind in his field, he will have lost his seniority and any certification that he has may not carry over and be recognised there.. something else to consider.

Will you be able to afford to buy a house in the UK in a reasonable area (social and schooling) - and have enough savings left over to carry you as a family until one or both of you manage to become employed at a reasonable salary (one that allows you to do the things you want to do)? House prices have gone through the roof even in the Bristol area https://www.plumplot.co.uk/Bristol-house-prices.html (suggest watching 'location, location, location' )

Would life be easier for you if you were living nearer to your husbands family, perhaps? I seem to recall they live in BC and you are in Calgary, Alberta.. at least you would have built in grandparents to hand (and possibly uncles and aunts, cousins, etc.,) - which may help you feel more 'settled'.

Would any of your family be interested in moving to Canada, or coming for extended visits? There is the potential to sponsor parents/grandparents for Permanent Residence, as well as a Supervisa allowing them to stay for long periods of time,for example.

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Old Nov 7th 2021, 1:07 am
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's wonderful to have the privilege of living in a different place to where you grew up, but it's hard to constantly feel like there is something missing.

I honestly don't think those feelings ever go away entirely - the question is whether you feel your quality of life here, and the joy and happiness that comes from your marriage and children is worth the pain of your homesickness, which you will probably feel in some form, in varying degrees, for as long as you live in Canada. My own desire to be closer to my family in the UK has never gone away, but when I was in a committed relationship with a wonderful Canadian man, and consequently had stronger familial ties here, it made the pain of being away from my family easier. Try and separate your desire to be closer to your UK family and friends from your desire to be physically living back in the UK (which of course involves consideration of your career prospects, the cost of living, etc.) Would you still want to move back if your family and friends are taken out of the equation?

Perhaps being in a location/position where you can get back to the UK more easily and frequently could help - if it is an option for you, could you move somewhere else within Canada?
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Old Nov 11th 2021, 4:04 am
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

I used to get horribly homesick and things about Canada just annoyed me royally. The UK to me was better and I could be more successful and have more options there (probably true). I was upset about having to prove myself again career-wise and to feel uneasy about the number of options I'd have if heaven forbid I was ever laid off from a job. Then slowly my views changed and I no longer yearn for the UK. I think what did it was I invested in things here, in getting my son settled, in getting citizenship, in continuing my education and gaining Canadian qualifications and planning for my son to be schooled, go to university and start his career here. It was a long and slow progress but I got here and am truly happy with my decision to stay. I go to the UK now as a foreign tourist.
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Old Nov 15th 2021, 2:09 am
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

Kelowna you need a car as well, sure there is bus service but it sucks, and very time consuming totally waste of time, so car is king, and its not walkable, its just way too spread out of an area to be walkable.

I lived in Abbotsford without a car it sucked, the bus system is slow, inefficient, totally sucked not having a car in Abby.

I took transit once from Abby to Vancouver and I don't mean West Coast Express, but Abby transit to Aldergrove, Translink to Surrey, then skytrain, took about 3 hours, and you can't do the whole translink trek on one transfer so you need a day pass.


Originally Posted by CanadaJimmy View Post
I also think where you are in Canada makes a huge difference. The UK is full of towns and cities that are walkable, urban and full of life. In Canada, many cities are just suburban places where you can have a detached house, but very little else is going on and no easy way to get anywhere without a car. Some suburbs don't even have sidewalks/pavements. I can imagine someone feeling homesick and depressed in those circumstances.

Scilly, if I remember rightly you live in Vancouver itself which is a very exciting place with lots going on and easy to walk around and get around by transit (and I'm rather jealous!). I personally live in Walnut Grove in Langley, which while it is suburban it is quite walkable with shops, parks and a very nice community of people and kids walking around and playing on the street all the time, so that's not so bad compared to other suburbs. Also interestingly Walnut Grove has quite a few UK migrants too.

May not be the complete answer, I understand missing family, friends and other UK conveniences, but I think if your quality of daily life is just generally lower that can be a huge factor.
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Old Nov 18th 2021, 11:40 pm
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Default Re: 9 years and still homesick

Never really experienced homesickness. Coming on 3 years since I've been back (thanks covid) to see my parents/other family/friends who live in the UK. While I'd enjoy the chance to go visit and hopefully will soon I don't find myself itching at the wait. I don't have any plans to move back or anything.

I think it's because I made very sure before I moved to Canada that I understood exactly what it meant and what the consequences of my actions were. That being that I'll only see my family occasionally rather than every day. Or how you'll never know if when you visit if it'll be the last time you see someone. Or that you'll get calls from time to time to let you know someone has died. I feel sometimes, reading posts from others, that they didn't truly prepare themselves for these sorts of situations and what that does psychologically to a person.

I've been fortunate enough since coming to Canada to live in nice places, have a good job, had experiences that aren't possible in the UK. I make a conscious effort to try to look at the positives more than any negatives.
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