Wendy

There will always be those that just conform to the ways that they are familiar with and carry on without any thought to others and those that see the light so to speak.

For some kids, they see their parents sat on the backsides all day getting handouts left right and centre and think " I can do that " They sit their in their houses with all the mod cons and more spending money than I have ever had, even when both of us were working, and think this is too easy.

Then there is the other set of kids that think, where is the self pride in that and go and get off their butts and make themsleves a career and a life. Luckily I'm one of the latter ones.

If anything I blame the government for making it too easy to not have more pride. It pays to be on the social with 6 kids. I'm not saying they should scrap welfare totally, but they should make it a lot more difficult for people to just get hand outs.

I baby sat for a woman with six kids, the oldest was 7, she had one a year so that their benefit would go up. Last I heard she had 9 kids :scared: She only gave up having them, because she had to have "the op" Her hubby worked on the side for £30 a day and they got nearly £500 a week in benefits. This was 20 years ago, we don't even get that now and my hubby has a good job.

Wave the Sails

Excellent post - however, I fear you are the exception rather than the norm these days.

Also I think council housing is very different from years ago. My Nana had 3 kids in 3 years from the age of 21 and lived in a council house. My Grandfather was a Legal Clerk and Captain of the local golf-club and exceptionally highly thought of. Their 3 children all married (and are all still happily married) so they had pretty tough morals/ethics drummed into them.

IMHO it's just getting worse and will continue to do so.

Grayling

You are not trying to teach a Behaviourist about Pavlov are you?

I see plenty of conditioned responses on these threads every day.

Maybe 'knee jerk' is what more people will understand

G

gobbyjock

There is no government brave enough to take on the real reforms the welfare system needs - it would be too emotive. It`s easier just to bolster the system, make the law complicated and make redundant all the Benefits Agency staff. We would send out letters to women saying that as their youngest child had turned (16/17 I think it was??) you can no longer claim Income Support and should get along to your Job Centre - quite often we`d get a letter/sick cert back saying they were either pregnant or had stress/depression and couldn`t look for work so had to carry on claiming Income Support.

geordie mandy

I would agree with you. When my dad came out of the army, we lived in a council house as did all my mum and dad's family. We were brought up with values and we fought so hard against the predudice of being in a council estate. Admittedly it was a nice area with very little crime. But those in the private houses did look down on us.
We had a 14 year old in our village fall pregnant in the 80's it scandalised our village, so much that the family moved away. This girl went to a private school and her father was the local vicar. So it could happen to any one. But parents ultimatly are responsible for what their children get up to. I always think if you start early with teaching disapline, values and repect and knowing right from wrong, then children will be on the right path. It is very hard in todays society to keep children on the right path.
I recently had a visit from social services as some nasty person had over heard a conversation, i was having .She reported me to the school saying i was being cruel to my children (as if) the teacher reported this so called incident straight to social services. She thought me being on my own with 3 boys must make it true. What a shock i got having them turn up on my door.
All i had said in a tongue in cheek conversation was if my little one gets out of bed once more tonight i will put him in the shed. the person i was talking to knew i was kidding.
Society so easily jumps to conclusiions.But in this case something is definatly wrong when children are having babies.
Mandy

herrchook

Very true Wendy. I grew up in Wester Hailes which is one of the roughest parts of Edinburgh. My parents didn't have 2 pennies to rub together (went to Hamilton :scared: for their honeymoon). My parents worked hard and instilled high values in all 3 of us kids and we've all gone on to be decent adults living successful, happy lives. On the other hand, we had next door neighbours who could only be described as scum.

I also know of 2 girls who went to posh all girls schools who were pregnant at 14!!

Sorry if I was judgemental in my post, I know there's always two sides. I just found it all so sad. This girl should be having fun, not sleepless nights.

hugs

Gill

Grayling

"It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor wot gets the blame
It's the rich wot get's the pleasure
Ain't it all a F£$%ing shame".

Now sing along everyone.

G

robos

and so say all of us!!!

seang

it would seem her fun is the cause of the sleepless nights

Wendy

Yes, she should be having fun. I totally agree. She is probably going to get quite a shock. At least I can honestly say that I knew what I was getting into and was quite prepared for it. I also had a very good boyfriend who was there for me and a wonderful Mum who supported me through it all.

When I got sent to my "special" school there were 10 other girls there, ranging in age from 12 to 16, all pregnant or new mums.

One girl was a doctors daughter aged 14, another was from another estate aged 15. There was also one that was from somewhere in between the two who was 14 and on her 2nd child :scared:

katsmajic

I have got SS involved with my family, i begged them to help me...my 13 year old is rebelling and having 'issues' relating to her real dad...when shes good she is wonderful and very sensible, when she flips she is pure venom...we have struggled to keep her in control hence begging social for help
...Social services have told us to respect her space, dont ground her for more than a day at a time and only take her tv for 1 day at a time etc.....she ran off at the weekend...(just met up with some real undesirables on other side of town) decided to get pissed as a fart in a park with 10+ lads and 3 other girls...we believe she placed herself in so much danger and broke almost every rule we have that she should be grounded (indefinately in my opinion), the SW said LET HER CHOSE HER PUNISHMENT!!! shes opted for a weeks washing up...
needless to say weve told SS to go away!!!
when you do have a 'problem' child there isnt any sensible support, if we wernt so firm in standing our ground with our house rules i dread to think where we would be at now...prob on way to being a granny...

Hutch

Wendy

It's one of them dilemma's, do you come down hard on her and hope that she doesn't rebel or do you give her space and hope she stays safe.

Neither way is right or wrong. You need to find a balance of the two.

I can sympathise with you, as I am a parent and understand your concerns. I can also sympathise with your daughter, cos I've been in her shoes as well.

SS are all well and good, but they tend to look for text book answers and some of the time there isn't one. What I think you need to do is sit down with her and talk to her like an adult. You may not think of her as one, but in her head she thinks she knows it all. I was just the same and if someone told me something was black, I'd have said is was white.

If she can't talk to you then see if there is someone else she feels she can speak to. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who is detached from the situation.

If she thinks that you trust her to be mature, she is more likely to be open with you and not feel the need to go off on one. Also when she choses her punishment, don't just let her pick anything give her two or three options. That way YOU are in control, but you are giving her a choice.

She needs to resolve her issues with her dad and you should make him take responsibility for her feeling like she does.

sasbear

well said!

I too come from a single parent family (half sister same mum different father) I don't even know who my dad is. Council estate, pregnant at 19 (too young) worked since leaving school. Educated myself late in life with a BA hons and a Post Grad - you can't always stereotype - but I think you can generalise.

It is hard to break the mould - sometimes it becomes a vicous circle. I think only the lucky ones manage to break the circle. I am one of the lucky ones.

An 11 year old, pregnant, smoking and drinking - is a sign of the times. I blame the parents to an extent - they should have protected her more - but unless we know the family concerned , we do not know how hard they tried to 'keep an eye' on her.

I do think it is so sad and I really feel sorry for the girl - she is still a child, even at 13,14,15 and upward it is too young to have children.

Bella Donna

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/4757447.stm

This was one link to the story you mention, Shirley. Says the Child Abuse team are involved.

So sad...