Are you toilet phobic?
 

Im sorry but its my favourite subject of toilet talk again.

I was talking to my friend the other day and she said that she wouldnt dare go for a dump in her toilet at work or if she can help it, anywhere other than her own toilet at home.

Now I dont really give a shit (excuse the pun) and when a girls got to go, a girls got to go.

Having just used the toilet (we only have one ladies loo on our floor), I allowed myself to imagine the horror that some others feel when they do a brown birthing outside their comfort zone.

We are lucky enough to have an old fashioned toilet with a suction so powerful that your arse nearly goes down the pan, so chopping up a log is no hardship for our toilet.

Now providing nobody is listening outside, I am happy to lighten the load in any toilet and would even welcome a magazine or newspaper to aid my time in there, well a coffee machine would be nice but that is asking too much.

And if anyone is listening outside, then I put loads of loo paper down the pan - well I do that anyway as I hate splash.

I really should be phobic though because one time in Italy, I needed to go as a matter of urgency and I used the toilet in the bistro Mr PP and I were at.

The loo was right next to some tables where diners were enjoying their meal and the toilet door was a good 12 inches above the floor - just like they were at my school where you could see your legs.

Anyway, I came, I saw and I relieved myself and when I went to flush the chain, to my horror there was a sign on the cistern of the toilet saying 'toilet out of order - no water'.

And sure enough there wasn't, all you could see was a brown dolphin at the bottom winking at me.

I ran out unnoticed by others and five minutes later I saw this waiter wearing rubber gloves and carrying a bucket, he was shouting 'bloody tourists cant even read!' and the people sitting at the table who hadnt seen me sneak in, had to be moved to a new table. They all made noises of disgust and held their noses.

My fault, all my fault for not being vigilant enough to read a sign. So you would think that would frighten me into a case of toilet phobia. But it hasn't and I have blocked the loo up on several occasions since.

So are you toilet phobic? Or do you not care where you go or if you block the toilet?

Do you have coping strategies that involve a sharp instrument or a toilet brush?

I mean, to all you toilet phobes out there, how on earth do you cope if you really really need to have a brown fish?

I will however, admit to being a trifle nervous of going to the Namib Desert when I go on holiday. What on earth do I do if I the need takes me?

If I shit in the sand, some poor animal could mistake it for a crunchy flapjack and that really wouldnt do.:unsure:

Come on toilet phobes, how do you cope?

:rofl:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I refuse to answer this but it did give me a bloody good laugh reading it. :rofl:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Ooh, I love good poo stories - me and my little brother used to spend many an evening making up poo stories (when we were a lot younger of course!) and I miss it!

I have no phobias and having had a bad case of dysentary, I have to go when I have to go :ohmy:

I have also had to poop on some of the most revolting, caked-on crap, mossie infested toilets you could imagine, during some of my travels. That did result in me far preferring squat toilets. When me and Adam bought our first house I really, seriously wanted to install a squat loo - I was over-ruled though.

The only strange thing is that I do have a re-occuring poo dream - well it's more of a wee dream. I really need to go and either the toilets are too public or they are filthy. Always a slightly different scenario, but same problem.

Tis a strange thing :blink::)

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Can I ask what a squat toilet is?

I cant imagine squatting for a dump, I mean if its diarrhoea then you could be there for ages.:eek:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Personally I wouldn't ever have a poo,crap drop a log , whatever you want to call it Anywhere except my house!!....... When I first met my OH we went away for 4 days and I was so scared of him smelling my eau d'shit that I couldn't go and needless to say came home with a really bad stomach :p i'm over that now,but i'd still hold on to it if we are out !!

Gross subject :eek: but funny as it's something we all do but some shout it out loud ,talk in great detail (yeurggh) or pretend we don't poo much and when we do it doesn't smell 'bad!'

I'm the latter naturally!!:sneaky:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

A japanese style loo. The basin is in the ground and you just squat over it. Much more hygenic and it's easy once you get the hang of it.

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Ive just read your post whilst eating my noodles. One of the managers has just walked by and I burst out laughing almost giving myself a 'noodle nose'.:rofl:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

You see after a night at the gym, I get shaky legs and I would be scared I would fall over and squash my turd.

And at home I do like a good newspaper in the toilet.

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Your'e welcome!! :thumbsup:

I hope Aussies have a sense of humour :blink:

If they don't thats a big problem :(

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Err, what does a "poo story" go like then?

Give us an example please

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Oh I must tell you something.

The other night, my cat Gordon had been for a shit and a small hard lump had stuck to his botty.

Before we had time/chance to remove it, it fell off and hubby stood in it. My god I died laughing, he looked as though he had a hard brown fig stuck to his heel.

I could hear sounds of retching as he scrubbed his foot in antibac.

I shall have to stop because Im going to choke on my dinner if I carry on laughing.

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

A flying bomber

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

(claps hands in excitement)

Go on you must tell us the poo story!

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

What do we want.......a poo story. When do we want it..............now!
What do we want.......a poo story. When do we want it..............now!
What do we want.......a poo story. When do we want it..............now!
What do we want.......a poo story. When do we want it..............now!

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Perhaps a poo poem might aid production of a poo story.


Do you have a fear
Of releasing large brown logs
To block up all the u-bends
And scare off neighbours dogs

Do you start to panic
When your colon starts to sing
That it needs to slip a brown job
And stretch that tiny ring

Do you time your morning
Never shit outside your zone
You hold your 'baby' in so tight
And brown out in your home

You really need to try and change
Where you set your brown jobs free
Release your inhibitians now
And shit behind a tree

We want to hear poo stories
And tales that you have heard
Because the thread is dedicated to
The finest, biggest turds.

:D

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Sam . yer really scraping the bottom of the pan now :)

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

LOL excellent PP
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I like talking shit:lol:

But i have to say, i don't like using public loo's. They always stink like old grannies.
I squat....never sit on the seat. (only my home one).

There are big gaps at the side of the doors in the public loo's here in Perth. You can see people trying to look at you having a good wipe.

But i suffer constipation, so i hardly never go for a good ole crap anyway.:rofl:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

(snort):rofl:

And I still laugh if someone farts in public.:o

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

They try and look at you wiping yourself????? No way!:eek:

If I thought someone was doing that to me, I would give them something to look at.

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Yeah, show them the muck on the toilet paper:rofl:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Trying to find on youtube that sketch Ricky Gervais does during his stand up routine about his mate going to a job interview but who shits himself on the way there.

Hilarious but cant find it yet.

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I have a poo story although it might not be a ' proper poo story!!!'

When we had our son ( now 9) as the mother I did ALL the nappies and all the OH would do was comment "oh it stinks" (really?? :blink:) and "put it in a bag" so anyway one day I was doing said childs nappy and he comes in and says his piece (well rehearsed and a bit panto to me by now!)

mutter,mutter..... and he said "which kid dropped maltesers on the floor?? and i told him no-one has had them, he turned white as a ghost and proceeded to spit out all this mushy brown stuff from his mouth !! OMG he had eaten his own sons' poo :eek: , my mother and myself fell around laughing and I said "well if you'd ever changed him you would know that he's constipated sometimes and does ' pebble poop !!' Ah lifes little lessons!

He swears he can still taste it if he thinks about it:sneaky:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I would poop in the tissue, and pass it under the door and say 'Cor, look at the size of that beauty!'

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

:rofl: (noisy, wheezy laughter at my desk)

No way! OMFG I am crying and almost vomiting with laughter!

I am now going to have to and pee because I fear I might lose control of my bladder.

That has to be turd story of the year and you might have won 'The Turdinator' award.:thumbsup:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Are you serious?? I'll go write a speech:eek:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Dare you!

Cant see anyone topping that story.:lol:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I'll be really peeved now if they do!! ;)

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Im not trying to accuse anybody of anything but I have heard that story before with different characters. Grandad, Grandma etc were the consumers.

Must be a common occurance!!!

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Surely losing control of your bowels would be more apt???

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Let me assure you its totally true :D ( cynical person!)

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

something to look at

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I dont disbelieve you, like I said!

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I love Trigger Happy TV, he is very funny - Dom Joly.

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

yes one of my favs :thumbsup:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Has anybody laid a corn on the cob:lol:

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Sorry - just had a break and a nice dish of fresh fruit salad - glad I ate it away from the PC!

Our poo stories were extremely innocent - such as needing a poo on the way home from school and having to poop in an old lady's prize tulips (we were only about 8 & 4). We thought we were hilarious - I'm quite saddened that, even with encouragement, my daughters don't seem to be following suit!!

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

I have successfully passed corn on the cob segments does that count?

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

Here 'tis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1J0Z2YvplY

Re: Are you toilet phobic?
 

This is my true poo story, that you may have read on another thread, some time ago....

I contracted dysentry and salmonella whilst in Africa many years ago. I had to have my poo tested for many months afterwards until it cleared from my system. I rented a top floor flat in a grand Edwardian house in Bristol. All well and good, until the numb skull at the Lab decided to post my sample pots through the main letter box in a clear bag without my name on.
A week later I get a call from the lab as they had a sample pot from a Mrs BlahBlah from my address - a coincedence perhaps - no she wasn't registered - she must have just thought it was a survey of Clifton poo :eek: