furbacchione

Any words of wisdom you care to throw out.

eddie007

Put a lock on your chest freezer so they dont find the bodies

brissybee

Don't eat the frozen meat in their chest freezer.

eddie007

Be careful when digging up vegetableS to eat with the meat you have liberated from the freezer... Watch you dont dig too deep and disturb the corpse

brissybee

If you do disturb a corpse, don't use it as fertiliser for the vegetables.

eddie007

If you find a body in the cupboard under the stairs, close tge door, leave it closed and tell no one

Dorothy

Serious answer here...
Remove anything you don't want broken or to go walkabout from the house.
Let the neighbours know that you're going away but that there will be another family in your place and maybe ask one of them to keep a spare key and be the contact for if your house guests need anything.
Before you leave stock up on milk, eggs, a loaf of bread, some fruit & veg and some basic staples for your guests so they don't have to go grocery shopping as soon as they land.
Leave them a list of thinks like where to find the breaker panel, hot water shutoff, pool guy's phone number, plumber/electrician, your expectations about phone & internet usage, where the nearest medical clinic is in case anyone gets sick, where the grocery store & chemists are located, etc.

Basically, make your home a place you'd like to visit. Hopefully they will do the same.

brissybee

Or pretend body is self and tell husband that housework is ageing you terribly.