Teenage daughter - any advice?
Oct 1st 2009, 4:06 am
#106
Lost in BE Cyberspace
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Re: Teenage daughter - any advice?
Oct 1st 2009, 4:11 am
#107
Banned
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Posts: 22,348
Re: Teenage daughter - any advice?
...Couldn't resist it
Oct 1st 2009, 9:04 am
#108
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Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: Teenage daughter - any advice?
Mrs JTL
Oct 1st 2009, 9:22 am
#109
Da bing bing!
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Kreissknows!!!
Posts: 2,202
Re: Teenage daughter - any advice?
I think you are being selfish, but you're not alone. This forum is full of adults dragging their children to the other side of the world just so they can fulfill their dreams. And I know i'm in the minority here when I say I would never disregard my childrens feelings like this.
My girls' happiness means the world to me & I would say that most people here would wish nothing but the best for their kids too.
But just as in the real, grown up world, kids need to learn that life is not going to faff about pandering to their feelings & worrying about whether they are happy or not...a lot of it will be bloody hard work & some of it will be challenging, frightening & even painful at times.
So when parents take this very difficult decision to relocate when their kids aren't 100% certain, what they're actually doing is setting an example, showing some courage & leadership to their kids & teaching them how to face life's challenges, instead of being afraid & giving in to difficult situations.
I have listened very carefully to my girls; spent hour upon hour of listening to their concerns & their worries & made plans accordingly. I haven't disregarded their feelings at all, we've changed our plans to accommodate the concerns the girls raised. I know my girls; I know they'll be fine; once we're there they will see, like countless other kids, that the things they worried about didn't have the impact that they thought.
Of course...we could just be scared of our kids....scared of taking decisions....scared of being a parent & make excuses for our own lack of vision by dressing it up as something else.
Yep, we could do that, but what life would we have & what would it teach our kids? To be afraid when things are difficult? That you can avoid situations & get your own way by acting out & behaving badly? That you can manipulate the very people that you are supposed to love, respect & have trust in?
Sorry, but in my book, parents that can see the big picture & inspire their kids by giving them the confidence to face life's challenges, even if that means giving them a little shove at times, deserve a lot more credit than you seem to be giving them.
JG
Oct 1st 2009, 9:25 am
#110
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 398
Re: Teenage daughter - any advice?
Sorry mate, you seem to think you're having a debate with a bible basher.
Afraid not. I've read everything from the Bible to Richard Dawkins 'God is not Great'. I have issues with all of them.
I'd say that morals, whether christian/muslim/bhuddist based are a good place to start. The actual Jesus story is all bollocks. But the lessons and parables aren't.
Its a shame millions of people have died disagreeing over that.
JTL
Afraid not. I've read everything from the Bible to Richard Dawkins 'God is not Great'. I have issues with all of them.
I'd say that morals, whether christian/muslim/bhuddist based are a good place to start. The actual Jesus story is all bollocks. But the lessons and parables aren't.
Its a shame millions of people have died disagreeing over that.
JTL
I agree with all this. We have always chosen schools with a Christian ethos because, although we don't go to church and don't necessarily believe in a god, we do like the moral codes they live by and want our girls to be guided by them too.
Oct 1st 2009, 9:26 am
#111
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 398
Re: Teenage daughter - any advice?
You're so totally wrong.
My girls' happiness means the world to me & I would say that most people here would wish nothing but the best for their kids too.
But just as in the real, grown up world, kids need to learn that life is not going to faff about pandering to their feelings & worrying about whether they are happy or not...a lot of it will be bloody hard work & some of it will be challenging, frightening & even painful at times.
So when parents take this very difficult decision to relocate when their kids aren't 100% certain, what they're actually doing is setting an example, showing some courage & leadership to their kids & teaching them how to face life's challenges, instead of being afraid & giving in to difficult situations.
I have listened very carefully to my girls; spent hour upon hour of listening to their concerns & their worries & made plans accordingly. I haven't disregarded their feelings at all, we've changed our plans to accommodate the concerns the girls raised. I know my girls; I know they'll be fine; once we're there they will see, like countless other kids, that the things they worried about didn't have the impact that they thought.
Of course...we could just be scared of our kids....scared of taking decisions....scared of being a parent & make excuses for our own lack of vision by dressing it up as something else.
Yep, we could do that, but what life would we have & what would it teach our kids? To be afraid when things are difficult? That you can avoid situations & get your own way by acting out & behaving badly? That you can manipulate the very people that you are supposed to love, respect & have trust in?
Sorry, but in my book, parents that can see the big picture & inspire their kids by giving them the confidence to face life's challenges, even if that means giving them a little shove at times, deserve a lot more credit than you seem to be giving them.
JG
My girls' happiness means the world to me & I would say that most people here would wish nothing but the best for their kids too.
But just as in the real, grown up world, kids need to learn that life is not going to faff about pandering to their feelings & worrying about whether they are happy or not...a lot of it will be bloody hard work & some of it will be challenging, frightening & even painful at times.
So when parents take this very difficult decision to relocate when their kids aren't 100% certain, what they're actually doing is setting an example, showing some courage & leadership to their kids & teaching them how to face life's challenges, instead of being afraid & giving in to difficult situations.
I have listened very carefully to my girls; spent hour upon hour of listening to their concerns & their worries & made plans accordingly. I haven't disregarded their feelings at all, we've changed our plans to accommodate the concerns the girls raised. I know my girls; I know they'll be fine; once we're there they will see, like countless other kids, that the things they worried about didn't have the impact that they thought.
Of course...we could just be scared of our kids....scared of taking decisions....scared of being a parent & make excuses for our own lack of vision by dressing it up as something else.
Yep, we could do that, but what life would we have & what would it teach our kids? To be afraid when things are difficult? That you can avoid situations & get your own way by acting out & behaving badly? That you can manipulate the very people that you are supposed to love, respect & have trust in?
Sorry, but in my book, parents that can see the big picture & inspire their kids by giving them the confidence to face life's challenges, even if that means giving them a little shove at times, deserve a lot more credit than you seem to be giving them.
JG
Oct 19th 2009, 5:03 pm
#112
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Wimmera/Mallee
Posts: 115
Re: Teenage daughter - any advice?
But just as in the real, grown up world, kids need to learn that life is not going to faff about pandering to their feelings & worrying about whether they are happy or not...a lot of it will be bloody hard work & some of it will be challenging, frightening & even painful at times
Yep, we could do that, but what life would we have & what would it teach our kids? To be afraid when things are difficult? That you can avoid situations & get your own way by acting out & behaving badly? That you can manipulate the very people that you are supposed to love, respect & have trust in?
