West Vic

Right, this goes back to my point that you don't own your children and should not think you have the right to totally disregard their feelings. What a difference 24 months would make to this girls life, seeing as your all so stuck on the point that she is 16 instead of 18. If the OP's partner had similiar misgivings and was strongly against a move, much like the daughter is, would he be on here posting about it? No, he would be cancelling his plans, unless he wanted to end up separating from her and causing irrevocable damage to their relationship.

[

Quote:

I]Taken the plunge:

I'm no naive fool jumping halfway over the world for the hell of it.

I'm 45 so that should tell you why the urgency, I also own my own very successful business that has taken years to grow, and I'm going to have to start that all over again on the other side of the world, so my eyes are wide open.

I'm not treating my daughter like a pet, in fact I'm leaving the pets behind

She's been involved all along the way, and was extremely enthusuastic when this adventure started 18 months ago - it's just that 18 months is a helluva long time when you're 16. So she's coming, but I'll support her if she can't manage and wants to go back to the UK.

And as for thinking Australia is fantastic, I'm nearly crippled with arthritis and warm dry weather works a damn sight better than this pishy grey stuff, so that's why I'm going - plus my South African wife can't stand the lifestyle any longer.
Cheers

[/I]


Again, I see no regard for your daughter here. She must move because of your arthritis and because your wife is fed up. Also does she not have the right to change her mind about the move like an adult would? Look, you are of the opinion, as are most on this thread, that your daughter is under your ownership and must do what you say. I can't understand that point of view at all but I do know that if I was forced into such a situation as a teenager it would change my opinion of my parents forever. She might make the move and absolutely love it but I doubt she'll forget how you held sway over her future and her life like this.

I think you are being selfish, but you're not alone. This forum is full of adults dragging their children to the other side of the world just so they can fulfill their dreams. And I know i'm in the minority here when I say I would never disregard my childrens feelings like this.

TakenThePlunge

Well bully for you then....

sasbear

Exactly!

Many people feel they have the moral high ground when it comes to children and how to bring them up. The word here is 'children' and they are 'dependant'.

Sometimes a child can be 18 and still dependant.

I think people on here should consider others feelings before calling people 'selfish'. Parenting is not something that comes with a manual and a clear this is wrong and this is right.

There for the grace of God....

Good luck Taken the Plunge

CEM

[QUOTE=West Vic;7975931]Right, this goes back to my point that you don't own your children and should not think you have the right to totally disregard their feelings. What a difference 24 months would make to this girls life, seeing as your all so stuck on the point that she is 16 instead of 18. If the OP's partner had similiar misgivings and was strongly against a move, much like the daughter is, would he be on here posting about it? No, he would be cancelling his plans, unless he wanted to end up separating from her and causing irrevocable damage to their relationship.

[


Again, I see no regard for your daughter here. She must move because of your arthritis and because your wife is fed up. Also does she not have the right to change her mind about the move like an adult would? Look, you are of the opinion, as are most on this thread, that your daughter is under your ownership and must do what you say. I can't understand that point of view at all but I do know that if I was forced into such a situation as a teenager it would change my opinion of my parents forever. She might make the move and absolutely love it but I doubt she'll forget how you held sway over her future and her life like this.

I think you are being selfish, but you're not alone. This forum is full of adults dragging their children to the other side of the world just so they can fulfill their dreams. And I know i'm in the minority here when I say I would never disregard my childrens feelings like this.[/QUOTE

You seem to forget that some people move because they have to, with their jobs. Others move because the positives seem to outweigh the negatives in terms of health, lifestyle etc. They and their children just have to make the best of it and try to smooth the way for the kids as much as possible. Teenagers are fickle creatures and change their minds daily; if we gave in to every whim we'd go round and round in circles creating more confusion. They need positive, decisive people around them who will listen to their views, talk through concerns, but who are prepared to make the tough decisions. This girl may well look back in a year or so and say, 'Thanks so much for bringing me here Dad, it's great'. Equally, she may not and then they can think again. Nothing in life is as black and white as you seem to think.

sasbear

You seem to forget that some people move because they have to, with their jobs. Others move because the positives seem to outweigh the negatives in terms of health, lifestyle etc. They and their children just have to make the best of it and try to smooth the way for the kids as much as possible. Teenagers are fickle creatures and change their minds daily; if we gave in to every whim we'd go round and round in circles creating more confusion. They need positive, decisive people around them who will listen to their views, talk through concerns, but who are prepared to make the tough decisions. This girl may well look back in a year or so and say, 'Thanks so much for bringing me here Dad, it's great'. Equally, she may not and then they can think again. Nothing in life is as black and white as you seem to think.[/QUOTE]


Well said

pompeyblonde

So I take it that you were born 40 then? Were you never a teenager? Or did nobody want to snog you?!

JackTheLad

I've been told similar things lots of times by people I've met in the past few months. "Your girls are adorable but good luck with you when they become teenagers." "You don't know what you're getting yourself into with the two girls." etc etc. I can't understand why and how people can assume or expect all teenage girls to be that troublesome. Are they just being overly cautious?

Yes, while growing up, I've met and seen some slightly naughty teenage boys and girls, but was never friends with them. If I heard somone was smoking, drinking, or flirting around, that person would automatically be discounted as a possible friend. Naive I may have been, I just didn't want to be associated with them in any way.

There are a couple of posters on this forum here I know very well. One's got 4 girls, the other one girl, one boy. Apart from the boy, all are in their teens or early twenties. They are among the loveliest kids I've met. I want my girls to grow up to be like these big kids, so I asked their parents what their secrets were, they all said they were always very strict with their children when they were young. They have great trust in their children because they have ingrained high moral standards in them long time ago.

Mrs JTL

JackTheLad

No, I'm not 40.
Yes I was a teenager. I still feel like one.
I've had my share of snogs.

I think the difference here is the class of girls I hung out with. They didn't consider it appropriate to suck someone elses face off in public. Certainly not in school uniform in front of a train load of passengers.

So was that your past-time? Do you think its acceptable?

JTL

ozzieeagle

The Parents I've met that have been overly strict, like monitoring all tv. 8.30 pm bettimes at age 14 etc etc, jump when commanded, dont answer back, have been the ones where the kids have gotten pregnant the earliest. Because the parenting is all one way and Teenagers natural inclination is to rebel.

I know of people at my work, who seem to have kids like yours though JTL, who have been A grade Scholars, seemingly do the right thing all the time. They dont seem to have great social lives though. It's almost like they are hiding from main stream society. Not sure whether my views on that are correct as I've not met them in person. They are doing very well in their studies and will obviously become professionals.

ozzieeagle

Incidently had to ground our youngest daughter today. She has been going out everyday this week to the city. Something not quite right about it. Then the s..t hit the fan as her friend was seemingly grounded turned up at our place to "watch movies" just as my wife was coming back for something she forgot. Apparently daughters freind was going out to the city on her own, with movies @ our place as an excuse. All of this happened whilst I was sleeping from night shift.

So a situation in progress we have at present.

Big difference in MSN usage between our youngest daughters age group @ almost 16 and the next one along, The one in the UK who is 24. We've probably underestimated the level and complexity of pre planning with her large peer group.

LOL.

At least we are on to it. Our youngest boy wont stand a chance of pulling the wool over our eyes now.... well not 100 pct of the time... gotta give them some lee way to be themselves

LouiseR

I'd agree with that, often the stricter the parent the worse a teen will rebel.

I think a healthy mixture of the two is best. Yes set boundaries but you have to turn a blind eye to some things. The fact is that teenagers will be teenagers and quite rightly so. Where would everyone be now if they didn't learn a few life lessons during their teenage years?

If it's not dangerous, illegal or down right stupid then it might be worth picking your battles. You need to accept that at some stage they will do something you don't approve of, you just may or may not find out about it...

CEM

I'd agree with this. Having girls who were at the same (girls) school from age 8 to 15, it's definitely the ones who were quiet, studious,'good' girls with parents who always expected top work and the attitude that 'my daughter would never behave that way' who rebel, have anxiety/depression issues, food issues. Not all of them of course, some just naturally conform, but the ones I'm thinking of all have parents with those type of expectations.

JackTheLad

That is the extreme. When I said my friends were strict with their children, I meant when the kids were really young, before school age, not at 14. These kids have known for a while what is right and what isn't and have never needed to be grounded.

I don't have A-grade scholar children yet (they're only nearly 4 and 2 1/2 ) nor do I expect them to be, but I do expect them to understand what is right and what is wrong when they're a bit older.

Having been friends with quite a few real scholars (think post-graduates at MIT, Ivy League, etc), I can assure you that no higher percentage of them hide from main stream society than the non-A-grade scholars. Depending on the definition of "great social lives", I think they have as much and as great a social life as any sensible person does. Not many of them get drunk when they go out if that's what you mean. They can and do let their hair down though. Most enjoy sports of some sort, as participants or spectators, like the rest of us.

There are certainly some weirdos, but then weirdos are weirdos, scholars or not.

Mrs JTL

Kim67

If the school uniform is a private school in queensland, tell the school. My daughters school principal used to get up at assembly and tell every single tail that was reported to the school - girls at a certain shopping centre in school uniform WITHOUT THEIR DRESS HAT ON or even worse - WITHOUT THEIR SHOES AND SOCKS ON!!!!! Imagine the dressing down they'd get for snogging on the train.

paulry

You are both doing exactly the right thing for your kids. The pre-school years are the years to set the foundations and parameters that you expect them to work within. That's what my OH and I did and so far its working for us.