saturdays joke
Mar 4th 2006, 4:27 am
#1
DAMN.........I'M GOOD
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Location: Barnsley, South Yorkshire for now
Posts: 718
saturdays joke
A bear , a lion and a chicken are all sitting talking about who is the hardest.
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
Mar 4th 2006, 4:43 am
#2
Warrington Cheshire
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 44
Re: saturdays joke
ps - what's band width - not putting on weight are you??
Mar 4th 2006, 4:51 am
#3
DAMN.........I'M GOOD
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Location: Barnsley, South Yorkshire for now
Posts: 718
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by Need 2 Move
ps - what's band width - not putting on weight are you??
Mar 4th 2006, 4:54 am
#4
Warrington Cheshire
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 44
Re: saturdays joke
Same here - when my hubby talks about cookies, I automatically reach for the biscuite tin!!! 
Mar 4th 2006, 8:31 am
#5
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: at the bottom of a wine glass
Posts: 28,176
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by BRICKY ADE
A bear , a lion and a chicken are all sitting talking about who is the hardest.
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
Mar 4th 2006, 8:37 am
#6
Sunny Sydney
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 6,241
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by BRICKY ADE
A bear , a lion and a chicken are all sitting talking about who is the hardest.
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
Mar 4th 2006, 9:02 am
#7
On the Dark Side :-)
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: South Wales to New South Wales!
Posts: 3,065
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by BRICKY ADE
A bear , a lion and a chicken are all sitting talking about who is the hardest.
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
Love it - just sent it to all my mates!
Mar 4th 2006, 9:06 am
#8
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: at the bottom of a wine glass
Posts: 28,176
Re: saturdays joke
A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.
The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.
He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."
The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.
He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."
The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."
The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.
He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."
The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.
He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."
The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."
Mar 4th 2006, 9:07 am
#9
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: at the bottom of a wine glass
Posts: 28,176
Re: saturdays joke
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."
The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."
The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
Mar 4th 2006, 9:08 am
#10
Sunny Sydney
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 6,241
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by WendyC
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."
The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."
The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
Mar 4th 2006, 9:13 am
#11
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by BRICKY ADE
A bear , a lion and a chicken are all sitting talking about who is the hardest.
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles",
The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle and african plains shake with fear",
The chicken then chirps up " all I have to is cough and then the whole fuuking world shits itself"
Mar 4th 2006, 9:18 am
#12
Sunny Sydney
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 6,241
Re: saturdays joke
Man walks into a bar with an ostrich, he orders a pint of lager,
the barman turns to the ostrich who says "I'll have the same please"
The barman says "that'll be £5.80 please" and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £5.80!
The next night, the same man comes in with the ostrich and orders an pina colada.
The barman turns to the ostrich who says "I'll have the same please"
The barman says "that'll be £10.50 please" and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £10.50!
The next night, the same man comes in with the ostrich and orders a G&T.
The barman turns to the ostrich who says "I'll have the same please"
The barman says "that'll be £5.78 please" and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £5.78!
The man and the ostrich take a seat but the barman can't stand it any longer....and goes over.
"For 3 nights now, you've come in her with your ostrich, both ordered drinks and had the exact change in your pocket, how come?"
And the man says, a year ago I found a genie who offered me two wishes, the first was that whenever I ordered anything, I'd always have the exact money to pay for it. The barman replied, "that's amazing you could have easily asked for £10m but what you asked for means you'll always have enough, no matter what. What was your other wish?"
The man looked disgusted and said "I asked for a leggy bird that always agreed with me!!!"
Don't blame me - that was oh's joke!!
the barman turns to the ostrich who says "I'll have the same please"
The barman says "that'll be £5.80 please" and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £5.80!
The next night, the same man comes in with the ostrich and orders an pina colada.
The barman turns to the ostrich who says "I'll have the same please"
The barman says "that'll be £10.50 please" and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £10.50!
The next night, the same man comes in with the ostrich and orders a G&T.
The barman turns to the ostrich who says "I'll have the same please"
The barman says "that'll be £5.78 please" and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £5.78!
The man and the ostrich take a seat but the barman can't stand it any longer....and goes over.
"For 3 nights now, you've come in her with your ostrich, both ordered drinks and had the exact change in your pocket, how come?"
And the man says, a year ago I found a genie who offered me two wishes, the first was that whenever I ordered anything, I'd always have the exact money to pay for it. The barman replied, "that's amazing you could have easily asked for £10m but what you asked for means you'll always have enough, no matter what. What was your other wish?"
The man looked disgusted and said "I asked for a leggy bird that always agreed with me!!!"
Don't blame me - that was oh's joke!!
Mar 4th 2006, 9:18 am
#13
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: at the bottom of a wine glass
Posts: 28,176
Re: saturdays joke
A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
Mar 4th 2006, 9:19 am
#14
On the Dark Side :-)
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: South Wales to New South Wales!
Posts: 3,065
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by soapy
love it mate, pure magic
Lets hear them!
Mar 4th 2006, 9:22 am
#15
Sunny Sydney
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 6,241
Re: saturdays joke
Originally Posted by WendyC
A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
