Keep used teabags. They make excellent sandbags for mice or other small animals.

okedoke

Stop pushing when the Qtip hits resistance!!!

awww how thoughtful, I like that idea

Tips For Relieving Stress

Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.

Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

When someone says “Have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.

Make a list of things to do that you’ve already done.

Dance naked in front of your pets.

Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards and send them off to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.

Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.

Leaf through “National Geographic” and draw underwear on the natives.

Tattoo “out to lunch” on your forehead.

Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

Buy a subscription of “Sleazoid Weekend” and send it to your boss’s wife.

Pay your electric bill in pennies.

Drive to work in reverse.

Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

Tell your boss to “Blow it out your mule” and let them figure it out.

Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Make up a language and ask people for directions.

In the memo field of all your cheques, write “FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS”.

When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!”

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”

Tips for Relieving Stress at the Office

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does.(This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Zatrochious.”

Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your e-mail address be “[email protected]”

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

Determine how many cups of coffee is “too many.”

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”

Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

You have far too much time on your hands Wendy !!

I know

Write a note to yourself: "There are other countries in the world besides England. They do things differently. This is not necessarily a bad thing."

Read the note every day.

Top Tip

Do not attempt to pluck any body hair when imbibed...

Er....don't think you have read any of my posts in the Aus forum have you ??....if you had, you would realise you have got the wrong end of the stick completely.

Have you lost your sense of humour since being in England ?

sent you pm

Cas

Now that is a really useful one, my chipmunk will be impressed with it - shame I don't drink tea

Learn to drive just under the speed limit and then you can p*ss everyone off behind you.

Learn to drive down the centre of the road, ensuring that if someone wants to overtake you they would have to go on the inside!

Tracey

Sorry, it wasn't intended as a criticism or a personal comment; just a contribution to this thread! It certainly wasn't directed at you!

Hadn't realised that this thread was supposed to be 100% tongue in cheek...

This is almost Queensland! To complete the set:

Drive slower than the speed limit until someone has just about finished overtaking you, then hoof it! (expecially effective when the overtaking lane is about to end)

avoid Deb's house on a Saturday night.