British Expats - Profound quotes

Jeremy Clarkson!

"I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is
a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on
the couch......if you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to
happen."

..."the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a
politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1938 waving a piece of
paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany"

"America: 250 million w****rs living in a country with no word
for w****r"

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this
car: it begins with "s" and ends with "t" and its not "soot".

"the Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with
an Ethiopian transvestite"

"Speed has never killed anyone......its suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you."

"The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater
convertable was Adolf Hitler"

(Fed up during the caravaning trip) "You aren't allowed to have
a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed
to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you
have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet,
you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a
concentration camp!"

"This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people
carriers....not that that's much to shout about.....that's like
saying "Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually
transmitted diseases.""

(Mercedes CLs55) "Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be
less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss."

"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get
to places quicker than I do?" MY FAV!

Clarksons highway code on cyclists: 'trespassers in the
motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have
no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are
going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to
prove them wrong'
"Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed
unsafe...probably because they don't have wheel-chair access" LOVE THIS ONE TOO! HEHE!
In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a
car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually
when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining
about how dead he was.

Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson:"you can see from the tape
that the tyre is starting to come apart. now why didnt you spot
that?!" Hammond:"I had a lot on: i was Doing 288 mph."
Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the
office on the phone, doining the paperwork, kids are shouting
at me, wife etc, if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

"I dont often agree with the RSPCA as i believe it is an
animals duty to be on my plate at supper time"

"you cant have this car with a diesel, its like saying, i wont
go to stringfellows tonight, ill get my mum to give me a
lapdance, shes a woman!"

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a
sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the
equivalent of a President.
Jeremy said this of the Porsche Cayenne! "Honestly, I have seen
more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex
appeal of a camel with gingivitis."

:lol::lol:

Em x