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Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Old Apr 8th 2009, 11:23 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

ozzieeagle - do you know that he's legally allowed to ride on the pavements?
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Old Apr 9th 2009, 4:17 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by MartinLuther View Post
ozzieeagle - do you know that he's legally allowed to ride on the pavements?
I wasn't 100 pct sure on that one.

The kids do bike school here, theres a track, with obstacles and intersections.

I havent heard of any kids being mugged for their phones around here, especially amongst primary school kids, although I reckon his bike would be a major target as its top of the range, albeit second hand.

Will let you know how we get along with our fledgling.
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Old Apr 9th 2009, 4:36 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

1. Make sure he can swim
2. Make sure he's completed a cycling proficiency course.
3. Make sure he knows about risks and avoidence in regard to strangers, etc. (I had my kids attend Krav Maga training which has so far proven to be priceless).
4. Give him boundaries in regard to how far he's allowed to go and when he must be home (this can start off as a shortish range and time periods, gradually extending as time and experience goes by). Also make him understand that if he exceeds the boundaries then he will be grounded.
5. Give him a cheap bare bones text and voice phone (thieves aren't interested in this kind).
6. Trust, pray and hope for the best.
7. And don't worry, kids are more able and sensible than we give them credit for.




Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
Slight dilemma for me at present. My just turned 11 year old wants to spread his wings and get out and about on his own on his bike. His mates do this, however they live in surroundings that are far more suited. I think my main problem is our specific location, which is on a triangle block surrounded by 2 main roads, and even the 3rd quiet road is busy enough to have traffic lights at the end.

We are fairly close to a large park, trouble is the Park is that big, that if he wanted too he could ride 8 Ks down to the city along Merri Creek, or god knows how far the other way... Probably 20 ks or more.

I was out and about all over the place at his age, probably going as far as the next suburb. I'm planning to let him go, and get him a Mobile phone, as a verbal leash if you like.

The other nagging doubt, he is the youngest, his older siblings all being girls, and I just dont think Boys are quite as mature, with impulsivness being a large part of their make up, so thats holding me back as well.

I've let him go out and he is riding around alone, doing his trick jumps on his BMX in the carpark across the road, however thats not exactly an ideal situation. I cant really afford the time in the week, as housework and duties at home are the order of the day. Just got up after night shift, and doing house stuff and preparing tea etc for when the wife gets home.

So how do I let my youngster have some independence, do you reckon I should just trust and let him go with a Mobile phone, with some firm geographical boundaries, thats assuming he can work those boundaries out. We live at least 2ks from his closest school friend, and thats where he wants to head.... So he can go bike riding with him and probably meet up with school friends further on.....so how far they would end up is unknown.

This is one of the Dilemmas of Inner city living I didn't count on, as it never seemed to happen with my girls. Doesn't help that his school and his peers are at least 4 ks away.
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Old Apr 9th 2009, 4:42 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Yehp, the only one I'm worried about is the time factor in 4. He doesnt seem very good at that.

Oh well thats where the phone comes in.

Looks like he will be up and running next week, getting one of our old phones out of the draw.
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Old Apr 9th 2009, 4:50 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
Yehp, the only one I'm worried about is the time factor in 4. He doesnt seem very good at that.

Oh well thats where the phone comes in.

Looks like he will be up and running next week, getting one of our old phones out of the draw.
It's one of those "best foot forward" milestones.

Good Luck!

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Old Apr 9th 2009, 6:27 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
I wasn't 100 pct sure on that one.

The kids do bike school here, theres a track, with obstacles and intersections.

I havent heard of any kids being mugged for their phones around here, especially amongst primary school kids, although I reckon his bike would be a major target as its top of the range, albeit second hand.

Will let you know how we get along with our fledgling.
Unfortunately the pavement rule is only under 12 though (or an adult accompanying someone under 12). I think this is too low.
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Old Apr 9th 2009, 7:36 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
Yehp, the only one I'm worried about is the time factor in 4. He doesnt seem very good at that.

Oh well thats where the phone comes in.

Looks like he will be up and running next week, getting one of our old phones out of the draw.
A digital watch with alarm set for ten mins before he needs to be home? (or 20 depending on the boundaries)
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Old Apr 9th 2009, 6:43 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

i think you definatley need to give him freedom hes 11 get him a mobile for emergencies and set bounderys (not to stingy or he wont obide by them) dont make him miss out on his child hood he will end up being a complete rebel or loosing a lot of his mates, if you are too stingy about his freedom he will turn to disobaying you and going anyway and just rebelling against you everyone needs freinds and freedom, he cant be your baby for ever just make sure he knows that when he crosses the roads to get off his bike and walk it across and make sure he has a phone so he can ring you if he has to and also so he can see the time you do need to give him a set time to be back by say 7.30pm in the summer and 6.00pm in the winter as its darker, trust me it will back fire if you dont give him freedom especially if his mates go out etc. you could also speak to his friends mums just to find out there arangements, if you find out that he does get into trouble take away his freedom for a while (grounding) and hopefully he will learn, but dont forget kids are kids so let them be kids
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Old Apr 10th 2009, 1:52 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

This is an interesting topic. My younger son who is 11 is the only one (that he's aware of) in his class who is allowed out on their own (making him feel privileged ). All of the others have to be accompanied by an adult or older sibling. When I look back to my own childhood I was out and about on my own from about the age of 9 and that was very usual for those times.

Why are the current generation of kids being treated so differently? And aren't we risking their long term welfare by wrapping them in cotton wool?
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Old Apr 10th 2009, 2:08 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by paulry View Post
This is an interesting topic. My younger son who is 11 is the only one (that he's aware of) in his class who is allowed out on their own (making him feel privileged ). All of the others have to be accompanied by an adult or older sibling. When I look back to my own childhood I was out and about on my own from about the age of 9 and that was very usual for those times.

Why are the current generation of kids being treated so differently? And aren't we risking their long term welfare by wrapping them in cotton wool?
I think our specific problem is location. I used to let him roam up at the Caravan park, which was at least 1.5 km's wide from from front gate to the back of the park, and surrounded by the Goulburn river and Nagambie lake @ age 5 or 6, with a life jacket and stick him on his bike, and off he would go. There were plenty of other kids around and lots of eyes with the other Caravan park dwellers.

Here it's different, there are no other kids of his age or even close. Then there are 3 main roads, followed by more main roads, (Sydney Rd and Bell st just up the road, and to get to his mates he not only has to cross that but Sydney rd and Moreland rd, which is a major tram intersection) A park less than 200 meters away (Coburg lake), that may as well have infinite boundaries ... as it links up with every bike path in Melbourne.... and heads way out of town Beyond Craigeburn...Plus one of the Toilets down there is a well known Gay beat.

When we do let him go, which will be next week once the phones are sorted, then basically the Northern Suburbs are his playing ground, especially as he has to travel 2 ks to Brunswick to get to his mates.

So its a pretty big step in this case, not a just around the block kind of thing, because there is no point, as there is no one to play with/hang out with locally.

Still I think we/he will cope.
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Old Apr 10th 2009, 2:45 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
I think our specific problem is location. I used to let him roam up at the Caravan park, which was at least 1.5 km's wide from from front gate to the back of the park, and surrounded by the Goulburn river and Nagambie lake @ age 5 or 6, with a life jacket and stick him on his bike, and off he would go. There were plenty of other kids around and lots of eyes with the other Caravan park dwellers.

Here it's different, there are no other kids of his age or even close. Then there are 3 main roads, followed by more main roads, (Sydney Rd and Bell st just up the road, and to get to his mates he not only has to cross that but Sydney rd and Moreland rd, which is a major tram intersection) A park less than 200 meters away (Coburg lake), that may as well have infinite boundaries ... as it links up with every bike path in Melbourne.... and heads way out of town Beyond Craigeburn...Plus one of the Toilets down there is a well known Gay beat.

When we do let him go, which will be next week once the phones are sorted, then basically the Northern Suburbs are his playing ground, especially as he has to travel 2 ks to Brunswick to get to his mates.

So its a pretty big step in this case, not a just around the block kind of thing, because there is no point, as there is no one to play with/hang out with locally.

Still I think we/he will cope.
Personally, I think that you are right to be cautious. I bet your son is thrilled at the prospect of being allowed out and about on his own soon.

Your local area does sound a bit daunting. Possibly the best way to begin might be by riding with him along the routes which he will most likely to use, stopping every so often to show him what he will need to look out for, etc.

My elder son who's 14 has been nagging me to let him cycle to school which is about 3.5 kms away. But the route which he would have to take would involve him passing through one of the local gay haunts and it has a quiet subway right next to it that he would have to pass through. Later on the route takes him around a very busy and hectic roundabout which even drivers need to move onto with a combination of extreme caution and speed. To date I've managed to persuade him into sticking with the bus, promising him that I'll let him cycle to school in Australia - where I'm hoping conditions will be better.

Last edited by paulry; Apr 10th 2009 at 2:54 am.
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Old Apr 10th 2009, 3:00 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

I hated the moment I agreed to my son going 'out and about'. I have worked a lot with him about what I expect of him, times home, what to do if kids give him hassle and so on. I still get nervous when he goes out and I don't see him all day as he tends to go out all day and be at his mates house but I have to let him do it, because that is what he truly wants to do. I often discuss why I worry about him going out so he appreciates my view and why I do what I do and so on. This is not to worry him but so he understands where I am coming from. From this and off his own back he calls me if he is going elsewhere and leaves notes to say he is here or there. He is only 10. I still stress over him going out to the other end of the village but he loves it so much and there is so much that I don't allow him to do that he must have some freedom.
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Old Apr 10th 2009, 9:08 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

My son is aged 10, still here in the Uk at the mo. I gradually started letting him go out on his bike about six months ago we live in a village with lots of children his age. First he would just go to the shops then slowly he felt confident enough to go to the small park. He got a mobile phone for Xmas which I wasn't particularly pleased about at that age but is so handy. He is pretty good and has never been in later then the agreed time. He usually rides his bike/scateboard or plays football on the green.

I havn't found it at all easy letting him go out and sometimes I literally feel sick at the thought of what he is getting up to and am waiting for something to happen. He is in a lot of clubs so the time he is able to do this is limited as I dont want him permanently out. However I have noticed that he has really grown up during this time and is a lot more independent it is also handy to be able to ring him up and get him to get me something from the shop!

Kids!!
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