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Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Old Apr 8th 2009, 5:36 am
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Default Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Slight dilemma for me at present. My just turned 11 year old wants to spread his wings and get out and about on his own on his bike. His mates do this, however they live in surroundings that are far more suited. I think my main problem is our specific location, which is on a triangle block surrounded by 2 main roads, and even the 3rd quiet road is busy enough to have traffic lights at the end.

We are fairly close to a large park, trouble is the Park is that big, that if he wanted too he could ride 8 Ks down to the city along Merri Creek, or god knows how far the other way... Probably 20 ks or more.

I was out and about all over the place at his age, probably going as far as the next suburb. I'm planning to let him go, and get him a Mobile phone, as a verbal leash if you like.

The other nagging doubt, he is the youngest, his older siblings all being girls, and I just dont think Boys are quite as mature, with impulsivness being a large part of their make up, so thats holding me back as well.

I've let him go out and he is riding around alone, doing his trick jumps on his BMX in the carpark across the road, however thats not exactly an ideal situation. I cant really afford the time in the week, as housework and duties at home are the order of the day. Just got up after night shift, and doing house stuff and preparing tea etc for when the wife gets home.

So how do I let my youngster have some independence, do you reckon I should just trust and let him go with a Mobile phone, with some firm geographical boundaries, thats assuming he can work those boundaries out. We live at least 2ks from his closest school friend, and thats where he wants to head.... So he can go bike riding with him and probably meet up with school friends further on.....so how far they would end up is unknown.

This is one of the Dilemmas of Inner city living I didn't count on, as it never seemed to happen with my girls. Doesn't help that his school and his peers are at least 4 ks away.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 5:54 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
Slight dilemma for me at present. My just turned 11 year old wants to spread his wings and get out and about on his own on his bike. His mates do this, however they live in surroundings that are far more suited. I think my main problem is our specific location, which is on a triangle block surrounded by 2 main roads, and even the 3rd quiet road is busy enough to have traffic lights at the end.

We are fairly close to a large park, trouble is the Park is that big, that if he wanted too he could ride 8 Ks down to the city along Merri Creek, or god knows how far the other way... Probably 20 ks or more.

I was out and about all over the place at his age, probably going as far as the next suburb. I'm planning to let him go, and get him a Mobile phone, as a verbal leash if you like.

The other nagging doubt, he is the youngest, his older siblings all being girls, and I just dont think Boys are quite as mature, with impulsivness being a large part of their make up, so thats holding me back as well.

I've let him go out and he is riding around alone, doing his trick jumps on his BMX in the carpark across the road, however thats not exactly an ideal situation. I cant really afford the time in the week, as housework and duties at home are the order of the day. Just got up after night shift, and doing house stuff and preparing tea etc for when the wife gets home.

So how do I let my youngster have some independence, do you reckon I should just trust and let him go with a Mobile phone, with some firm geographical boundaries, thats assuming he can work those boundaries out. We live at least 2ks from his closest school friend, and thats where he wants to head.... So he can go bike riding with him and probably meet up with school friends further on.....so how far they would end up is unknown.

This is one of the Dilemmas of Inner city living I didn't count on, as it never seemed to happen with my girls. Doesn't help that his school and his peers are at least 4 ks away.

Were 7klms from their school ( 15 and 12 years) problem is most of the other kids live near school which is surrounded by housing estates, crammed with brick houses so thousands of kids who all ride about from about age 2 if the diapered bums on the road are any guide.

Sometimes I feel they miss out and we discuss going to live in lego land as I dont feel 11/12 yr old riding 7klm alone is safe, some of its highway some bushland.

15 year old does ride to and from school, 2 of his mates got mugged and beat up late one night by other teens, so dark is curfew time. Both boys stay at mates houses in said estates, we drop them off/pick up and they ride around on bikes then.

I'd probably let one that young ride 2klm, with phone ( school bans them:curse: they have to hide them) but as you say, boundaries on where they can go from there. Tell him to call you when he gets there.

Your inner city, can he use bus, weve just started allowing 15 year old out on bus at night, bit scary as last week the bus dropped him 1klm from the stop, were bushland, pitch black, rainy night,
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 6:07 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

I'd worry more about the company he keeps. My then 12 year old went riding with his friend and his friend's 15 year old brother. The 15 year old got them all into trouble with the cops, for nicking a box of matches and setting fire to a school wheely bin (it was not in a fire danger season I'm glad to say) They all got a police station caution. Our lad and his mate never re-offended, but the 15 year old became a serial criminal.

My lad tried to join the police force last year. The caution - then 13 years past - stopped him. He had to wait another year, but he won't bother now; his current job is too well paid, he has a science degree and other qualifications, so he has much better options.

Still - it was a blow.

Oh, one more thing - make sure he is a good cyclist and knows the road rules, if you are sure the mates are OK.

With lads, sometimes I think you do them more harm by protecting them too much - finding the balance is a pain. I got it wrong that time.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 6:37 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Yes problems do seem to depend on the company they keep.

I haven't let my Youngster use the bus on his own yet. He travels to and from school with his 15 year old sister sometimes. It's mostly trams around here, and the handles etc, seem to be havens for him to swing on. So he isn't quite ready for a lone trip yet, I'm sure he could cope, but he could well annoy other passengers.

Thankfully his is home from his BMX jaunt across the road and around the block, and back to painting his world of warcraft figures..... (whoops they are Lord of the Rings figures he just corrected me LOL)

My wifes home next week, so looks like she may well be the one that takes on the responsibility of letting go off alone. I've figured out that possibly we should drive him to his friends house and their much quieter surrounds, and let him go there with his bike, with those Geographic parameters and mobile phone as back up. I'll see what she comes up with.

BTW J+R, when we had our Caravan, we would let him have open slabber to ride his bike around the huge caravan park, he was only 5 or 6 when he started going alone up there. So just shows how important those surroundings are for youngsters. Seems strange that I hardly noticed this restriction with my girls.

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Old Apr 8th 2009, 8:09 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
Slight dilemma for me at present. My just turned 11 year old wants to spread his wings and get out and about on his own on his bike. His mates do this, however they live in surroundings that are far more suited. I think my main problem is our specific location, which is on a triangle block surrounded by 2 main roads, and even the 3rd quiet road is busy enough to have traffic lights at the end.

We are fairly close to a large park, trouble is the Park is that big, that if he wanted too he could ride 8 Ks down to the city along Merri Creek, or god knows how far the other way... Probably 20 ks or more.

I was out and about all over the place at his age, probably going as far as the next suburb. I'm planning to let him go, and get him a Mobile phone, as a verbal leash if you like.

The other nagging doubt, he is the youngest, his older siblings all being girls, and I just dont think Boys are quite as mature, with impulsivness being a large part of their make up, so thats holding me back as well.

I've let him go out and he is riding around alone, doing his trick jumps on his BMX in the carpark across the road, however thats not exactly an ideal situation. I cant really afford the time in the week, as housework and duties at home are the order of the day. Just got up after night shift, and doing house stuff and preparing tea etc for when the wife gets home.

So how do I let my youngster have some independence, do you reckon I should just trust and let him go with a Mobile phone, with some firm geographical boundaries, thats assuming he can work those boundaries out. We live at least 2ks from his closest school friend, and thats where he wants to head.... So he can go bike riding with him and probably meet up with school friends further on.....so how far they would end up is unknown.

This is one of the Dilemmas of Inner city living I didn't count on, as it never seemed to happen with my girls. Doesn't help that his school and his peers are at least 4 ks away.
Why shouldnt you trust him. I presume you raised him right from wrong. Set the boundarys and let him know that if he does the right thing then the boundarys get bigger and bigger. At that age in Melbourne I was going all over the place and we lived in Park Orchids. Catch buses to the footy, trams, and would ride the bike for hours.

I let mine here in Perth ride to basically wherever as long as I know where and what route they are taking. They know if they do the right thing there leash can be long, but stuff up and i yank the chain big time.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 9:10 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

We had this dilemma with our 11 year old daughter.She wants to practise her running around the field at the back of our house.We allowed her to do it a couple of times for ten minutes with a mobile phone.However we have now heard of two near miss incidents with some guy handing out unsuitable magazines to children in another area.I know we cant lock her up forever but for now she has to do her running with us watching from a distance.Its a shame as she was really enjoying her new found freedom.And yes I do trust her,but not some people out there.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 10:19 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Don't think this parenting dilemma is just for parents of boys- I understand because my 11 year old was allowed (encouraged!) to roam as far as she liked in rural NZ and here I'm cautious about letting her out on her bike at all because of the road and I guess, if I'm honest, also the 'stranger danger' panic that's been harped on about in the community here. Also, although we live in a 'nice' suburb we live next door to a load of DoH, quite a few actually and it's all so much less 'safe' feeling somehow, particularly as people speed along this road :curse: She's a seriously active kid who does heaps of sport and likes to be independant and wants to triathlon train through the bush.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 10:33 am
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

What's DoH?
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 12:51 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

department of housing.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 1:26 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

To be honest i dread this moment when my boys get to that age But like the OP said you have brought them up knowing right from wrong.

I think another option (not sure what is ther??~) would be to speak to his mates parents and maybe let them knock about half way to begin with ?

The problem with mobile phones (as good as they are) it leaves children very vunrable to getting mugged !

But again you have to let them off the leash sooner or later and i suppose at least he is around with a load of mates to all stick together, maybe let him ride out there call you when he arrives and then call as soon as he sets off to come home or even go and meet him for the return journey??


HTH


Best of Luck


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Old Apr 8th 2009, 1:50 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by DOUGIE AN LOUISE View Post
To be honest i dread this moment when my boys get to that age But like the OP said you have brought them up knowing right from wrong.

I think another option (not sure what is ther??~) would be to speak to his mates parents and maybe let them knock about half way to begin with ?

The problem with mobile phones (as good as they are) it leaves children very vunrable to getting mugged !

But again you have to let them off the leash sooner or later and i suppose at least he is around with a load of mates to all stick together, maybe let him ride out there call you when he arrives and then call as soon as he sets off to come home or even go and meet him for the return journey??


HTH


Best of Luck


Dougie

Yes that post does help. Meeting for the return journey and at a specific time is probably a damn good idea.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 10:00 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
Yes that post does help. Meeting for the return journey and at a specific time is probably a damn good idea.
Let us all know how you get on anyway ozzie, and what you think worked and what didn't etc etc

It will help the people like me who are about to come up against the same situation.

Regards

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Old Apr 8th 2009, 10:08 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle View Post
Slight dilemma for me at present. My just turned 11 year old wants to spread his wings and get out and about on his own on his bike. His mates do this, however they live in surroundings that are far more suited. I think my main problem is our specific location, which is on a triangle block surrounded by 2 main roads, and even the 3rd quiet road is busy enough to have traffic lights at the end.

We are fairly close to a large park, trouble is the Park is that big, that if he wanted too he could ride 8 Ks down to the city along Merri Creek, or god knows how far the other way... Probably 20 ks or more.

I was out and about all over the place at his age, probably going as far as the next suburb. I'm planning to let him go, and get him a Mobile phone, as a verbal leash if you like.

The other nagging doubt, he is the youngest, his older siblings all being girls, and I just dont think Boys are quite as mature, with impulsivness being a large part of their make up, so thats holding me back as well.

I've let him go out and he is riding around alone, doing his trick jumps on his BMX in the carpark across the road, however thats not exactly an ideal situation. I cant really afford the time in the week, as housework and duties at home are the order of the day. Just got up after night shift, and doing house stuff and preparing tea etc for when the wife gets home.

So how do I let my youngster have some independence, do you reckon I should just trust and let him go with a Mobile phone, with some firm geographical boundaries, thats assuming he can work those boundaries out. We live at least 2ks from his closest school friend, and thats where he wants to head.... So he can go bike riding with him and probably meet up with school friends further on.....so how far they would end up is unknown.

This is one of the Dilemmas of Inner city living I didn't count on, as it never seemed to happen with my girls. Doesn't help that his school and his peers are at least 4 ks away.
Reckon that it's impossible to get right ozzieeagle. We live (UK) on a very small estate and our middle boy aged nearly 7 decided to bomb across a juction on his bike showing off to older boys - if a car came, he would have been killed. He's banned now from riding his bike unless with us.

The points about over protection are very true and it's impossible to get the balance right. First rule is that the rules you set on safety are yours and have to be adhered to. Second, any breaking of these requires a considerable punishment. Also, make sure they know what to do in certain situations, give their phone to a mugger as it's not worth it, safety in numbers etc. Phones - get crap ones, less likely to be pinched. Keeping alert, watch out for groups of other kids, body language tells a lot.

The truth is, they have to learn some things themselves but try to steer clear from real danger.

Spot the teacher


All the best,
Cooler
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 10:13 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

We moved out of the city to be able to give our children more space and freedom. The traffic is a problem for all cyclists children or adults. My oh is a cyclist and it can be hairy out there. The problem with younger children is they do not think and tend to do things quickly.

Once we moved to the Peninsula things were great they could roam around all over the place just like I did as a child.

My answer is probably no due to traffic. If there is a safe bike path to his friend's home then ok. Can he take public transport.
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Old Apr 8th 2009, 11:15 pm
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Default Re: Parenting question, for parents with Boys

Is it just here or or cycle safety and road awareness non existant over here?

I regulary have kids (and adults) heading towards me on their bikes on the wrong side of the road, I am yet to see one signal an intention to turn or move to the proper part of the road...well as they are often in the middle of it they don't need to move !!
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