Partners nephew has just asked for a small loan, OK kid and recently he had some probs so I said 'if you ever need any help.... meaning talking really, however..

Anyway he needs money to pay his rent, said hes had a run of big bills blah blah...

However my eldest son reckons hes into online poker in a big way and the erm 'rent' money would probably go the same way.

Nice kid, not so nice home, has had some probs, thinking could give him a cheque to rental agency..

But am I doing him any favours if he really has some poker problem. Thinking of saying NO, but then suppose it is for rent and he goes and does something stupid to get the money or gets chucked out of the rental.

Yep a cheque direct to the rental agency, so no temptation put into his hand IF he does have a problem.

You could try sitting down with him and going over the outstdning bills he has together, looking at his income and devising a payback strategy.

If as you suspect he's throwing money away gambling, then the bills should be fairly small and a viable pay-back plan could be made (perhaps with you helping out one of his debtors directly if you wish) - perhaps then you can agree to check how his new budgetting is going in a months time to see if he's 'back on track'. If not he has no excuse - the numbers were laid out infront of him.

If however you look at the bills and he's spending outside his income then its a different problem - possibly unrelated to gambling which needs to be addressed.

Whether you get chose to get involved financially or not is possibly going to be a tough call - but I'd say you want to make sure he's not financially out of control before you 'enable' any problem habits with spending.

Thats a tough one!I guess if its the first time he's asked you,give him the benefit of the doubt (but write a cheque for his landlord)and help him.I'm a big believer in encouraging people to be independant,yes help them to begin with,its not easy in this day and age,but make sure it does'nt become a regular habit.

Agree totally. Pay it direct to the rental agent.

Yes it is a tough one , and I think I have that niggling doubt now, on line poker just been on google with it, sounds like its a huge addiction with young people. My idea of poker addiction was the sad old buggers on the poker machines, not kids on line

Anyway, toying with idea of couple of weeks rent with the request he pays it back that sounds mean but if it adds a bit of responsibility to the equation I will be happier, and have some back up when son has a go at me for loaning him the money

If you are going to loan money to anyone, do it with the express thought that you are never going to see it back again.
If you can't afford to lose it, don't lend it.

I agree...

I know the whole pay it straight to the landlord/agent is a good idea, but if he is into gambling then how is he going to pay you back?

Personally.. harsh as it sounds.. I wouldn't lend anything to him... I would probably give him some rent money (direct to the agent) as a matter of kindness but tell him it was a one off..

Em x

I don't necessarily do with the 'if you can't afford to lose it, don't lend it. We lent the money for our eldest to buy a car on the understanding that as she earns the money, she pays us back. She's happy to do so and has just offered the second installment. It teaches them responsibility and makes them realise they can't have something for nothing.

He's your nephew so you feel obliged to help him. Even if he's into online gambling and has fallen behind on the rent because of it, what will happen if he can't pay - he'll be thrown out but still be a gambler and that won't help anyone. I think you sit him down, tell him you will pay this rent direct to the landlord but you want him to pay it back, even if it takes a year. You can't help him if he is a gambler unless he wants help but you also can't see family out on the streets, especially if there are family problems.

Why not give him the money?

If he gambles wisely with it, he'll have enough to pay you back plus a bit of interest.

EVERYONE'S A WINNER!

He obviously doesn't gamble wisely though or he wouldn't have to ask them for the rent

Yes you can, you can shout him fifty quid!

I dont think its that difficult at all.

As already mentioned, if you lend money, you might never see it back. Take that into account before you even start.

Speak to him about the online poker. Be honest & dont beat about the bush. If he can be honest as well, that will make your decision easier, and the chances are you will get your money back.

Set up a repayment schedule that he can live with. The first time he deviates, you need to be on the phone the same day. Dont wait and dont accept excuses !

I used to be shocking with money when I was younger, and it took a couple of wake up calls before I learnt my lesson. Since then I have had a lot of experience in debt collecting & have heard every excuse in the book.

Good to see a bit of positive input from you again.

Did you offer him to lend him money and how long have you known him?