jazzys

I've just bleeding claimed on my insurance, thats who bought this one for me.

Oh my dear lord, whatever next.

Keep smiling daunted tells me, Jesus H Christ whens it all gunna end.

Jazzys

stuckinblighty

get a grip man its only a poxy carpet

Hope you're feeling ok today

take it easy

Lee

jazzys

Its 53 quid a bloody square metre my friend. Its not a poxy carpet.

Can't somebody have just an ounce of sympathy for me! Where you at Professional Princess, i need you to soothe my fevered brow.

Jazzys

Dazza49

Well your still paying for conents insurance, claim again, get your monies worth., calm down its only a carpet after all it could of been the whole house!!

Ally

stuckinblighty

if its sympathy you want matey dont speak to me,your gettin plenty of that from the ladieeeeees on this site

Anyway....£53....whats that in A$ ??

Lee

Cheetah7

Flop your brow on the table, Im here to soothe it.

My whippet dug up a very expensive carpet once to bury a bone underneath it. I wouldnt have minded, but the bone wasn't even buried.

I think you should just buy some bits of carpet and glue it over the mark and when buyers come round to view, you say 'Its the 'in' thing in London you know'

And then tell them that all the famous people do that to their carpets and if they give you a few extra grand, you can send the wife round to burn theirs as well.

Thats even before you have offered to hot wax their bikini lines.

Now, let me carry on soothing that brow.

herrchook

Well look at it this way....

...the insurance company will know it's not a con as they'll know it's a new carpet. Also, it doesn't matter that they increase next year's premium as a result as you'll be long gone by then

You could get them to give you a new carpet for the burnt one and use the burnt one somewhere else that might not have such a good carpet in it, and where the burn won't be visible.

Cheetah7

If you can spare a bit of carpet for me, Gordon has had large chunks out of ours.

Dont worry about it being a colour match, Gordon will only eat it later anyway.

daunted

Stop whining jeff - it aint ever gonna end cos just when you think you got it sussed something else goes tits up - thats what makes life so damned exciting

jazzys

Yes it's sympathy i want from the laydeeeee's but i need a small dog apparently.

By all accounts they are a "minge magnet" as someone so eloquently put it in an earlier post.

The other half always wanted a sausage dog, but i can't see much "minge" wanting anything with something sausage shaped can you?

But then again thats maybe why the wife left, i just haven't been creative enough.

Jazzys

stuckinblighty

'minge' thats ohhh so classy.

its a flash sportscar you want my friend...then the fanny will come-a-flockin'


Lee

Cheetah7

Yes, I do hope the plans are underfoot for your 'minge magnet'

Yorkie dogs are minge magnets, small whippets with brindle faces and labrador puppies to show that you are in touch with your gentle side.

Then you can be a fully paid up member of the 'Beaver Barker' club.

Your dog barks and attracts the beaver.

Sorted

Here's a poem just for you.


Jeff wants a dog that won't make him cringe
A nice fluffy cutie to attract some hot minge
He wont have a greyhound or pit bull type dog
Who shits like a man and blocks up the bog

He wants something nice to cuddle in bed
And not just a dog but a woman he said
Nice and simple, and not too high achiever
A good pretty lass with a fine furry beaver

A dog is what works when out on the look
Who needs sex toys or a dirty mans book
Pedigree Chum and a few toys and bones
To go with the dog so the chicks start to phone

So lets all help Jeff in his quest for a girl
Who cares if she shaves or her beaver does curl
She can't be too thin and she can't be too fat
Cos if the dog doesnt work, Ill give him my cat

jazzys

PP have you ever thought of being certified?

Jazzys

Cheetah7

Oh dont you worry about me, I worked as a PA for a psychologist and she made me look normal.

You havent even read my stories yet, I have pretend friends and everything.

And dont be smug, because George Lombard features heavily in them - hes a star in fact.

Hang around with me, and you will find yourself in my stories - never mind the filthy poetry.

herrchook

Talking of which, we've not had an update for a while Sam????????