LouiseR

I agree. But maybe the mouth blowing thing is a stepping stone to something more devious? Maybe he thinks if I can get away with this what else can I do? Could be grooming, could be a complete moron thinking it was a funny game.

Who knows? And no-one's going to know until this guy is sat down asked about it and all the children in the class are delicately interviewed to see if anything untoward has happened to them.

TiddlyPom

If it's poor judgement, why has he denied it even happened? I don't believe the little girl would create something so utterly random to tell her parents... I believe what she says. To deny the existence of it happening makes me far more suspicious. He's relying on the adults not believing the story of the little one. Not good.
If he's innocent of any wrongdoing, he should have said something to clarify.

LouiseR

He could have just panicked and denied it without thinking. Once you've told a lie like that it'd be pretty hard to go back on...

TiddlyPom

For sure. And if he did that it smacks of immaturity and he's ashamed of it because he won't come clean... but also he's a male (I know I know, women abuse too) working with children and he should be absolutely saintly about his behaviour.

spartacus

I agree, but perhaps his poor judgement led him to deny it. And you're absolutely right about believing children when they they tell you, what appear to be, unbelievable things.

TiddlyPom

Hey, if it was my kid, I'd be finding a new place. Nothing ambiguous should sit there giving you doubts like that about your childrens carer. I think I'd rather report it than find out six months later that he's done something serious knowing I could have prevented it by raising my voice. And if it's totally innocent, then he would have nothing to worry about by being questioned.
But it's not me, so I reckon Dad and his wife's gotta make a tough decision.

DeadVim

Bloody right.

The good thing is the problem has been raised, how dilligently it will get monitored is up in the air ...

I went to collect my kid from an ABC child-care centre and they were all watching TV unsupervised. Would not have happened at the old C&K ... such a lottery ...

moneypenny20

As Dadagain has said, there's no definite confirmation that this guy did do this blowing in mouth thing. His 6 year old daughter said he did and whilst no one is calling her a liar, no one, including the child's father is 100% sure it's happened. So before you lynch someone, make sure that a) you have the right someone and b) they are guilty of said crime.

DeadVim

You mean kids aren't reliable witnesses?

moneypenny20

Adults aren't, why should children be?

tiredwithtwins

Have to say id not be happy with this at all.
my kids went to a childminder for several years until 2 months ago - i had my reservations about her and her 21 yr old son who worked with her over several issues (diet lacking in fruit/veg, lack of supervison, too many kids, kids having to be quiet when her husband was home, she was on internet/facebook constantly fiindng men to meet, son getting violent and aggressive when he lost at internet games - kids could hear him trashing his bedroom, her attempts at discipline with one or two kids).
the final straw came when she said my then 12yr old daugher was simulating oral sex with a hotdog sausage (daughter was bieng an immature twit, she doesnt know what oral sex is ffs!). I immediately removed her and our 2 boys out of her care - told her exactly what the issues were and reported her to ofsted who basically have done sod all.
the childminder is still having peoples kids ... despite several parents having serious issues with some of her practices - for some bizarre reason they put thier work before thier kids!
but the slightest doubt about something serious, i removed them. it caused me serious problems at work as my boss didnt understand why i wasnt putting work first and the stress was awful, but my kids come first and no one is going to rob them of thier innocence. My boss said i could be dismissed for leaving work early without authorisation - so i told him my kids safety was paramount and he could stuff his job if he thought i was going to leave them at risk just so his department was staffed. my colleagues supported me, so i guess im lucky, but it was a very stressfull time and im lucky enough to have found another childminder quickly who is excellent.

please get your child out of there now, you will feel better for doing it. you have serious grounds for not being happy - your childs well being and state of mind is at stake here, and you arent happy with the managements explanation.

Dorothy

Which is just what I was trying to say. Would send K, but have to spread it first.

Safin

Whilst both adults and children can be unreliable it doesn't follow that because she is a child she is unreliable. How else can a child report what is going on?

Maybe she's the first he's done this to, maybe she's the first to have spoken out, maybe she's the first to be listened to.

Yes it can devastate an innocent persons life to be falsely accused of peadophile like behaviour. It can devastate a childs (or many childrens) life if the alarms bells are ignored.

Dad has tried to go down the discrete internal ave and got a totally unsatisfactory result. Going to the police - discretely - is really his only option. It should be handled by the police in such a way that no finger pointing and vigilante retributions are the result - well not unless charges and conviction result anyway.

Its kind of hard to get a charge let alone conviction if there is no evidence of wrongdoing. Her word wouldn't be enough on its own I'd've thought without more to support her. But it allow the police to look to see if there was more going on - computers, other kids, previous allegations etc

Choice 1. The man is innocent - he is now forwarned by his interview and has no reason to repeat his mistakes. The company realise their internal systems need updating. If discretion is used no more damage should result.

Choice 2. The man is guilty of something morally if not legally wrong. He is on the police radar even if there are no charges brought. The child has learned that she will be believed if something "dodgy" happens and has the faith in her parents to protect her.

Can you imagine finding out later that you should have listened and this disclosure was in fact the tip of the iceberg.

I for one wouldn't have my children there til this was resolved. As for believing our child will resist abuse - yes we all like to believe this. Some of us are right and very very sadly some of us are wrong and it does happen to our child without our knowing and when we thought they'd be able to say no. Theres lots of reasons why they don't/can't.

Safin

How do you find out if you have the right someone and they are guilty without investigating the claim properly?

IvanM

Depends on kid. My eldest would remember an incident three years ago and cannot lie. You may need to dig deep but he is more reliable than most adults and utterly literal.