Dannygirl

I love the wide open spaces, the beach, the peace, nature, the birds, friendly people, kookaburra birds on my verandah every day, feeling at peace in my heart with it all. I live in Redcliffe Queensland.
To me its Paradise. Hubby on the other hand, has not stopped complaining
since he arrived 6 years ago. Every golden opportunity that has come his way, he has thrown away, with his hatred of this country. He refuses to join in and is so judgemental of the way people dress, the way they look, the lifestyle, he is very aggressive towards Australian life now. We will probably end up splitting up, unless I leave, and I don't want to.
Has anyone else had this? Where one person loves the country and the other doesn't?

Bermudashorts

Loads of people sadly. Don't be too hard on your husband, he just doesn't see things the way you do. Do you have any children together?

manekeniko

Leave for where? Sounds to me like he'd not be happy anyplace. Wherever you go there will be something to complain about.

scrubbedexpat098

Probably wise to hear both sides before jumping co conclusions like that.

scrubbedexpat098

I really hope it doesn't come down to an it's me or Australia choice , but that's a risk we all run when we come over. Usually this'll be caused by a lack of communication, perhaps he just thinks he's a realist?? or that you're depressingly positive about the place. Who knows, and it's up to you two to sort out, but I'd hazard a guess that you both bear an equal part of the blame for your situation, before you stab him in the neck, remember he's been somewhere he hates for 6 years, for you. Talking is the key, all the very best with it.

BritInParis

Is it Australia or Brisvegas he objects to? Australia is a big country, maybe a different state would suit him better.

fish.01

Or maybe even moving closer to the city and away from the very quiet outer suburbs. Is he more of an urban person ?

Bermudashorts

It didn't sound like that at all, what a mean thing to say. He is unhappy in Australia, it happens to a lot of people when they move to the other side of the world. They don't fit in, they can't get comfortable, situational depression can set in.

The OP and the OH are in a very difficult situation and neither of them is right or wrong. It is just two people wanting different things. The OH deserves some credit for putting his own happiness last for six years.

Merseygirl

When you made the decision to move to Australia, were you both enthusiastic about it or did your hubby agree to it because it was your dream? Just curious because if it was the latter, then maybe this is why he dislikes being here.
If one half of the couple wants it more than the other, it can cause big problems further down the track which I have learned from personal experience.

Dannygirl

I left England when Thatcher was just leaving power. I had been through hard times in the Uk, living in a little room or bedsit, and putting 50p in the meter for the electric, and often no electric, because I did not have the 50p.
Or very little food, and working as a waitress or any job, for very little money.I even remember patching a hole in my shoe with cardboard, because I could not afford a new pair.
I came to Australia when they were taking pretty much anyone. Its a lot harder now.
I met my husband travelling, 7 years ago. he moved from Europe to be with me. Neither of us have kids. This country has been very good to me,
and I am so grateful. I moved over when their was plenty of good jobs, and cheap housing. Not like that now though. But scared to go back to Uk, as you hear terrible stories about people suiciding through poverty, and the bedroom tax.

Dannygirl

Its so true what you said, he just does not fit in, he needs somewhere more
cultural, somewhere with more pulse. He likes fashion and clothes, and no-one bothers about that where we live. Its very laid back. He's more of a city person, and I am more country. I know he is struggling and yes I would say situational depression has set in to, so true. I asked him where would he like to live, and he said England or Spain. He is 47 and I am 52.

ozzieeagle

Very true.... but having fashion conscious at age 47 as a reason for being a together male, would put one in a very small demographic IMO. As for cultural, well you can certainly fix that need and desire in certain parts of Aus. Well that means either Inner Melbourne or Sydney...Which is as expensive as the dearer parts of the UK.

It's more of a relationship issue I feel, which is sad. That cannot be fixed on the net as there are too many variables. IE: It's the Queensland Lifestyle the OP likes. Not the Cultural and possibly slightly more fashion conscious Urban areas.... Although I've not heard that many blokes talking about that... Some.... a very few I will admit.

mikelincs

I live in the UK, and have NEVER heard of anything like that, please stop reading tabloid newspapers. The UK really isn't the country you left 20 years ago, in the same way that Australia isn't the same.

ozzieeagle

Is the Beeb Tabloid now ?

'Bedroom tax' lorry death was suicide, coroner rules - BBC News

Bermudashorts

Well that definitely makes the dilemma even more complicated than it already was.

There really is nothing wrong with the UK, it is doing very nicely. I read a story on the bedroom tax suicide the other day as well, but people are not committing suicide in UK left right and centre. Sadly there always will be people that see no other way out in any country and this has more to do with their mental health than any external factor. This is no reason to choose a place to live.

That aside though, I certainly better understand your hesitance to move back. You have been in Australia a long time, have a life here and to be honest I am not sure I would want to start again at 52 either. We moved back last year, when I was 45 and I thought that is about as old as I want to be when starting again (other than when I reach retirement, then I fancy retiring somewhere nice maybe Australia again).

Good luck with it, I don't envy your position and sorry cannot think of any solution.