I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Jan 23rd 2016, 2:04 pm
#16
Concierge
Joined: May 2006
Location: ex ex-pat, in Taunton
Posts: 27,211
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Jan 23rd 2016, 2:07 pm
#17
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,810
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Jan 23rd 2016, 2:15 pm
#18
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 15,526
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
And it definitely is a mental health issue sadly. Poor buggers could equally be upset by a run of hot days or rainy days.
Jan 23rd 2016, 2:42 pm
#19
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 8
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Well that definitely makes the dilemma even more complicated than it already was.
There really is nothing wrong with the UK, it is doing very nicely. I read a story on the bedroom tax suicide the other day as well, but people are not committing suicide in UK left right and centre. Sadly there always will be people that see no other way out in any country and this has more to do with their mental health than any external factor. This is no reason to choose a place to live.
That aside though, I certainly better understand your hesitance to move back. You have been in Australia a long time, have a life here and to be honest I am not sure I would want to start again at 52 either. We moved back last year, when I was 45 and I thought that is about as old as I want to be when starting again (other than when I reach retirement, then I fancy retiring somewhere nice maybe Australia again).
Good luck with it, I don't envy your position and sorry cannot think of any solution.
There really is nothing wrong with the UK, it is doing very nicely. I read a story on the bedroom tax suicide the other day as well, but people are not committing suicide in UK left right and centre. Sadly there always will be people that see no other way out in any country and this has more to do with their mental health than any external factor. This is no reason to choose a place to live.
That aside though, I certainly better understand your hesitance to move back. You have been in Australia a long time, have a life here and to be honest I am not sure I would want to start again at 52 either. We moved back last year, when I was 45 and I thought that is about as old as I want to be when starting again (other than when I reach retirement, then I fancy retiring somewhere nice maybe Australia again).
Good luck with it, I don't envy your position and sorry cannot think of any solution.
Are you happy with the move?
As one poster posted, I have to stop reading the tabloids! I do that a lot,
I don't know anyone in the Uk now, so its how I get my information. I would be interested to find out, if it was everything you thought it would be? Did you settle in?, how had things changed? Are you going to stay? I was looking on DiscoverAustralia, they do package deals to Melbourne, and am trying to get hubby to go for a week, the tennis is on, it may cheer him up abit, and
I tend to think he may like Inner Melbourne as the other poster suggested. I guess have to try everything. I really appreciate all the posters on here, it gives you new eyes into a situation, and helps a lot.
Jan 23rd 2016, 3:06 pm
#20
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 8
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
I will see if I can get him to go and have a look at Melbourne, the tennis is on at the moment, and he loves the tennis. I think where we live is just a little to quiet for him. He actually likes the Brisbane city. He has never seen any other part of Australia. Where we live, very occasionally you see someone walking around in no shoes, that does his head in. But I am used to it now.
Jan 23rd 2016, 3:24 pm
#21
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,446
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Sounds to me as much like a marital mis-match as a wrong country problem.
That said it may be even more of a mid-life crisis than either, a sort of proto old-codger issue, that could easily have happened to him even if you/he had stayed in the UK, given the rapid way things have changed there too.
That said it may be even more of a mid-life crisis than either, a sort of proto old-codger issue, that could easily have happened to him even if you/he had stayed in the UK, given the rapid way things have changed there too.
Jan 23rd 2016, 3:39 pm
#22
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 8
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Its getting a lot harder for people now, property prices, rental prices, competition for jobs, the demands of family, people losing everything through illness, marriage breakdown. If you have a decent job now, you hold on to it, one of my friends, spent 2 years trying to get a job, and she's still there
10 years on.
Jan 23rd 2016, 3:48 pm
#23
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
I'd be interested to know where you got that idea from, because I don't think it's the case.
Last edited by old.sparkles; Jan 23rd 2016 at 11:55 pm. Reason: fix quote
Jan 23rd 2016, 4:05 pm
#24
Horrid Yank
Joined: Dec 2014
Location: Tierra del Encanto
Posts: 712
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
It didn't sound like that at all, what a mean thing to say. He is unhappy in Australia, it happens to a lot of people when they move to the other side of the world. They don't fit in, they can't get comfortable, situational depression can set in.
The OP and the OH are in a very difficult situation and neither of them is right or wrong. It is just two people wanting different things. The OH deserves some credit for putting his own happiness last for six years.
The OP and the OH are in a very difficult situation and neither of them is right or wrong. It is just two people wanting different things. The OH deserves some credit for putting his own happiness last for six years.
This is depression, midlife crisis or whatever you want to call it. Moving wouldn't necessarily fix it for long.
Jan 23rd 2016, 4:05 pm
#25
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,446
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Jan 23rd 2016, 4:10 pm
#26
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 8
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Sounds to me as much like a marital mis-match as a wrong country problem.
That said it may be even more of a mid-life crisis than either, a sort of proto old-codger issue, that could easily have happened to him even if you/he had stayed in the UK, given the rapid way things have changed there too.
That said it may be even more of a mid-life crisis than either, a sort of proto old-codger issue, that could easily have happened to him even if you/he had stayed in the UK, given the rapid way things have changed there too.
but made me chuckle, thanks for that! Our mis-match stems from the speed we wish to live life. I'v slowed down, and just want serenity.
He's still a bundle of energy, who thinks serenity is boring, and wants life at a different speed.
I don't need a lot of people, I have half a doz friends, and only see 2 of them weekly. The rest more sporadic. Where hubby likes a lot of people around, and can be quite social with his group.
But he's the type of person that has been there for me when the going gets tough, and I for him.
So there's a lot to be said for that eh?
Jan 23rd 2016, 4:29 pm
#27
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 8
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
But yes, we are not one of the highest suicides in the world sorry.
Last edited by old.sparkles; Jan 23rd 2016 at 11:56 pm. Reason: fix quote
Jan 23rd 2016, 5:59 pm
#28
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
Hmm, I've been where he is and my DH has stood in your shoes! We had a workable compromise in that I stayed in Aus with the proviso that he worked to ensure I had enough money to go home as and when I needed. Then life threw us a curve ball and we found ourselves in UK and he is like a pig in muck - probably because this compromise situation is that he gets to visit Aus as and when he needs and we expect to return when our situation changes. You might want to consider relationships counselling to see if there is a better workable compromise.
As for suicides - I'm not surprised that the official figures aren't higher - anyone in the industry will tell you that there is a huge reluctance to label deaths as suicides unless it it obvious to blind Freddy - notes and all.
Good luck sorting it all out - exogenous depression is a very real beast unfortunately.
As for suicides - I'm not surprised that the official figures aren't higher - anyone in the industry will tell you that there is a huge reluctance to label deaths as suicides unless it it obvious to blind Freddy - notes and all.
Good luck sorting it all out - exogenous depression is a very real beast unfortunately.
Jan 23rd 2016, 9:35 pm
#29
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2012
Location: Cayman Islands
Posts: 4,996
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
I think BritInParis hit the nail on the head, recommending that the OP and her man try Melbourne. There is a world of difference between the Australian States' capitals, after all. My wife was born and brought up in Melbourne, and likes the style of life there. I was born and brought up in Queensland - first in the bush, then in Toowoomba and Brisbane - and didn't like Melbourne or its people. As it happened, we never lived in either place as a couple, so we never had to make that particular choice.
Instead, we live in a small Caribbean island, where the s-l-o-w culture and lifestyle suits me better than her. Nowadays, we squabble about where we'll live when it gets too expensive for us here. There's always something...!
Instead, we live in a small Caribbean island, where the s-l-o-w culture and lifestyle suits me better than her. Nowadays, we squabble about where we'll live when it gets too expensive for us here. There's always something...!
Jan 23rd 2016, 9:48 pm
#30
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: I LOVE Australia but my husband HATES it.
That's ok, suicide is heartbreaking and even one is too many. Best of luck with sorting things out.
Last edited by old.sparkles; Jan 23rd 2016 at 11:58 pm. Reason: fix quote