i know, i know, i am always positive and strong when i speak to her (well i pretend to be), its , well..........to be honest with myself.............i know she is going to absolutely hate it here, dont know fully how to explain this, but in my maternal instinct ............i know...........and the last thing i want is her unhappy, or maybe worse,but i would like her to give it a year, and then , heyho, if we have to go back then we do, right now i dont want to, i want to give it a go

A year is a long time...Im sure she will find something to be happy about in that short space

How do you know that she will hate it in Melbourne ?

Only you know your daughter and what she will like etc but as you know my first born was adamant she would hate it and I had no idea whether she would like it or not but I am obviously harder than you I haven't asked recently but she is obviously so happy here and still enjoys chatting to UK mates on MSN but she also knows that majority rules in our house and we do not intend to go back so maybe she realised hating it wouldn't help her - I've no idea, she's 14 - indepth psychological discussions don't happen

If her life revolves around the gym stuff, I can't see how she wouldn't be happy here.

Let's face it, you guys are trying to make it work but your 'baby' isn't with you, how hard is that? You have taken a major step and that's hard in itself. Tell her she's coming, no argument, and if after she's been here a year, and the rest of you haven't settled as well as you'd hope, you'll THINK about going back, don't give her any more hope than that. Once she's away from the mates she will settle, I'm sure. If she picks up on you being stressed, however much you think you're covering it up, she will push buttons and we all know how good they are at that.

So true Penny, they must get certificates in pushing parental buttons !

Sometimes I wonder why I wanted them in the first place doesn't last more than a month at a time though

Hi Margaret

My daughter was 15 when she came out, she is now sixteen, she loves it, even if I wanted to go back to UK she has already told me she will not come back with us but will stay here, like your daughter she had loads of really good mates in the UK but she has found some great ones here, tell your daughter if she wants when she gets here I will give her my daughters email address and they could meet up or just chat.

Hi Margaret,

I think you find that most of us who have older teenage children would go through this with them, but given time most of them settle, & never want to go back, my eldest doesnt like he's school much but he said he never wants to go back, just be there for her, and eventually she'll settle down.
good luck, I know what you are going through, we are still having some bad days with him.

Farideh

Hi there

I have actually been one of those teenagers being pulled from pillar to post!! I was taken to the UK from Oz when I was nine which was pretty bad but I guess I didn't really have opinions at that age. Then at 14 we moved back to Australia which was fantastic as I was coming home.....then, at 16 I was taken back to England again and boy oh boy did I kick and scream and threatened to run away, lock myself at the airport toilet, you name it!! I cried all the way from Melbourne to Singapore non stop. I know excatly what your daughter is going through and how desperate it feels....

Saying all that, i had to go I had no choice, you are not an adult at 16!! It didn't take too long to make friends as I was the novelty (always have been, wth the accemts etc) and kids are interested in people from other places. Your daughter will have no problems making frineds and once she settles down she will be fine, but you are going to have to make her come, she is still a child really. I have to say that ever since I was nine, I told myself I would marry an Aussie so I won't hav to put my children through what I went through..moving around all the time, but it has made me who i am and much more worldly wise.
I now live back in Oz because I am an Aussie born and bred and maybe your daughter will decide to go back to the UK one day, but at the moment she needs to do as you say...
GOOD LUCK!!
Courtney

My daughter is like this too. She was the one who even had an avator that was anti-oz before we came ! The biggest concern to her is whether we will ping back and forth . She has said she really doesn't want that to happen - reasonable I thik.

Any how Ive just had a big arguement with her because she wanted to go to an all night Pirates of the Carribean film fest for her friends 15th - I said no adult = no go. She thinks I'm the unreasonable bitch from hell - hey ho another day in paradise !

She's got you sussed then

Too right ! OH agrees too

Mags - My Mum moved me from rural Ireland to big city England when I was 15. I hated her for doing it, thought she'd ruined my life.
In reality though she had done no such thing and it all worked out for the best.
Within a couple of years all my Irish friends had moved on anyway - between 16 and 18 they all make choices and it very rarely involves them all doing the same thing.
In hindsight the only thing I wish my mum had done differently was make decisions based on the education system I was going into rather than the one I was leaving.
She stayed in Ireland while I did my intercert exams - this meant I was 15 rather than 14 when we came to England. I should have gone into 5th year (the final year of school) but they put me back a year so I could do the whole GCSE course. That really hurt!
Your daughter's a difficult age but it will pass. Make decisions that will be best for you all in the long run.

I think the young un has the spunk of her mother about her.

1) Get her over here.

2) Tell her because of her age she would have to go into a home if she stayed in the Bonnieland and there's no way that's happening.

3) Tell her when she's officially a grown up at 18 she can decide what to do. If that means going back then fair dues.

My lads were 16 & 18 when we emmigrated. Neither wanted to come.
Told the youngest as above.
Told the eldest he was a grownup so could suit himself, stay in UK and fend for himself. He came with us

They were 19 and 21 on the 12 May. I offered them the fare back to UK but got no takers. They are living their lives here now

my 18 year old cant make up his mind whether to come or not, he wants to stay in the Uk but also wants the safety net of mum and dad

although we are on a 457 it says that he can work if he comes over so no prolems there

I wish he was younger so I could make him come