Happiness
Dec 18th 2009, 4:25 am
#16
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Ballarat
Posts: 7,005
Re: Happiness
One of those threads that arises late at night after a bottle of wine and a disastrous evening........
"I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. " W B Yeats
Why do people assume they have the right to be happy in life? Why do we all feel we should be dreaming of, and aspiring to be, happy?
I mean, most of us spend a large part of our lives striving to be happy, but why do we assume we have the right to achieve that happiness, to fulfill those dreams? We will never all manage to be happy with our lot, so why do we all assume that we have a right to happiness? Why aren't we satisfied with settling for some kind of vague acceptance of our lot in life? And why do we assume that everyone around us has the right to be happy as well?
Some of us spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy and not succeeding, because very few of us know what truly makes someone else happy. We bend over backwards trying to act how we think friends want us to act only to be misunderstood and get it thrown back at us, with everyone ending up miserable.
What makes the human soul so determined to strive for that largely imaginary state of "happiness" when settling for something less is often so much less painful and requires so much less effort?
Why aren't we satisfied with what life deals us, no matter how miserable that ration is? Some of us will never achieve that nirvana we dream of, so what strange quirk of human nature is it that stops us accepting that fact and makes us keep banging our heads against that wall?
"I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. " W B Yeats
Why do people assume they have the right to be happy in life? Why do we all feel we should be dreaming of, and aspiring to be, happy?
I mean, most of us spend a large part of our lives striving to be happy, but why do we assume we have the right to achieve that happiness, to fulfill those dreams? We will never all manage to be happy with our lot, so why do we all assume that we have a right to happiness? Why aren't we satisfied with settling for some kind of vague acceptance of our lot in life? And why do we assume that everyone around us has the right to be happy as well?
Some of us spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy and not succeeding, because very few of us know what truly makes someone else happy. We bend over backwards trying to act how we think friends want us to act only to be misunderstood and get it thrown back at us, with everyone ending up miserable.
What makes the human soul so determined to strive for that largely imaginary state of "happiness" when settling for something less is often so much less painful and requires so much less effort?
Why aren't we satisfied with what life deals us, no matter how miserable that ration is? Some of us will never achieve that nirvana we dream of, so what strange quirk of human nature is it that stops us accepting that fact and makes us keep banging our heads against that wall?
However, once i accepted the fact i needed help to be happy again, it was the road to me getting back to being me.
A year on, im happy again being me and happy with what ever life has in store for me. I know realise i have to have my 'me time' and not take on the world on my own to be happy.
I hope you manage to find a state of happiness.
Ive always believed that life is what you make it and even now i think it has some truth to it.
Mandy xx
Dec 18th 2009, 6:33 am
#17
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,872
Re: Happiness
I'm big on expectations!They are funny things!I've learnt over the years(and I've seen plenty lol)that its far better to keep your expectations as realistic as possible to be happy.Reality is much kinder!Its unrealistic to be happy every day.Sometimes I have crap days,and you know what?I celebrate them!
So I feel crap all day?Big deal,thats life right?I might feel sad for whatever reason,I go with it and have a good cry!For me personally,happiness is living as simple a life as possible.Way too many people complicate their lives,either with shit relationships,financially or other ways.Life is what it is!You get out of bed,go to work,return from work,cook dinner,maybe watch abit of tv,spend some time on the computer,and then go to bed to repeat it all the following day.Why "expect"it to be any different.Once my OH said to me "There must be more to life than this"?(we were watching something crap on tv)and I replied "Right now,there is'nt!What would everyone you know be doing right now?Jetting off to Jamaica?Booking into some fancy 5* hotel in Paris?Nope they're all sat at home just like us watching a load of shit!Thats reality and as I said,its much kinder than delusion!
So I feel crap all day?Big deal,thats life right?I might feel sad for whatever reason,I go with it and have a good cry!For me personally,happiness is living as simple a life as possible.Way too many people complicate their lives,either with shit relationships,financially or other ways.Life is what it is!You get out of bed,go to work,return from work,cook dinner,maybe watch abit of tv,spend some time on the computer,and then go to bed to repeat it all the following day.Why "expect"it to be any different.Once my OH said to me "There must be more to life than this"?(we were watching something crap on tv)and I replied "Right now,there is'nt!What would everyone you know be doing right now?Jetting off to Jamaica?Booking into some fancy 5* hotel in Paris?Nope they're all sat at home just like us watching a load of shit!Thats reality and as I said,its much kinder than delusion!
Dec 18th 2009, 7:02 am
#18
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,821
Re: Happiness
I have an inbuilt happy gene.. but at the mo it works some days and other days I can barely function.
The thing about being content/happy with your lot is that (for me) I don't have to think much about "me".. I just get on with stuff (am good at that) and have confidence in my decision making and enjoy my friends that I have.
I was chatting to Viv about this the other week funnily enough. The thing with a major change in life and moving on from a long-term relationship is that suddenly you are confronted with the "I seriously managed to get that so wrong" slap on top of the "How the hell did I manage to cock that one up so badly?"... what is happening with me is that I am now questioning everything over and over.. every little detail in my life.. the way I speak to people, the way I am with people, the decisions I make with things...
In short, it is knackering.
I am also bored to death with thinking about me and wondering what I am going to do. I find it dull to be that self absorbed. Yet I can't stop it. That in itself makes me unhappy.
Polly, I reckon true friends love you warts n all (no Witch pun was intended, but its there! LOL!).. I am also a massive believer in You Are Who You Are.. you can't be anyone else so don't try and fit in too much with others.. just be yourself, coz you can't be anyone else and let them just enjoy you, quirks n all! .. however, it is hard when the old self esteem is low...
I may have to head up your way shortly and join you for a beer or 3 too if you'll have me... I'll drag our Viv.. she has many words of wisdom and often gives me earful of common sense, Welsh-style... we can be pretty good company, or so we like to believe!
Em x
The thing about being content/happy with your lot is that (for me) I don't have to think much about "me".. I just get on with stuff (am good at that) and have confidence in my decision making and enjoy my friends that I have.
I was chatting to Viv about this the other week funnily enough. The thing with a major change in life and moving on from a long-term relationship is that suddenly you are confronted with the "I seriously managed to get that so wrong" slap on top of the "How the hell did I manage to cock that one up so badly?"... what is happening with me is that I am now questioning everything over and over.. every little detail in my life.. the way I speak to people, the way I am with people, the decisions I make with things...
In short, it is knackering.
I am also bored to death with thinking about me and wondering what I am going to do. I find it dull to be that self absorbed. Yet I can't stop it. That in itself makes me unhappy.
Polly, I reckon true friends love you warts n all (no Witch pun was intended, but its there! LOL!).. I am also a massive believer in You Are Who You Are.. you can't be anyone else so don't try and fit in too much with others.. just be yourself, coz you can't be anyone else and let them just enjoy you, quirks n all! .. however, it is hard when the old self esteem is low...
I may have to head up your way shortly and join you for a beer or 3 too if you'll have me... I'll drag our Viv.. she has many words of wisdom and often gives me earful of common sense, Welsh-style...
we can be pretty good company, or so we like to believe!Em x
Dec 18th 2009, 7:12 am
#19
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 14,188
Re: Happiness
One of those threads that arises late at night after a bottle of wine and a disastrous evening........
"I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. " W B Yeats
Why do people assume they have the right to be happy in life? Why do we all feel we should be dreaming of, and aspiring to be, happy?
I mean, most of us spend a large part of our lives striving to be happy, but why do we assume we have the right to achieve that happiness, to fulfill those dreams? We will never all manage to be happy with our lot, so why do we all assume that we have a right to happiness? Why aren't we satisfied with settling for some kind of vague acceptance of our lot in life? And why do we assume that everyone around us has the right to be happy as well?
Some of us spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy and not succeeding, because very few of us know what truly makes someone else happy. We bend over backwards trying to act how we think friends want us to act only to be misunderstood and get it thrown back at us, with everyone ending up miserable.
What makes the human soul so determined to strive for that largely imaginary state of "happiness" when settling for something less is often so much less painful and requires so much less effort?
Why aren't we satisfied with what life deals us, no matter how miserable that ration is? Some of us will never achieve that nirvana we dream of, so what strange quirk of human nature is it that stops us accepting that fact and makes us keep banging our heads against that wall?
"I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. " W B Yeats
Why do people assume they have the right to be happy in life? Why do we all feel we should be dreaming of, and aspiring to be, happy?
I mean, most of us spend a large part of our lives striving to be happy, but why do we assume we have the right to achieve that happiness, to fulfill those dreams? We will never all manage to be happy with our lot, so why do we all assume that we have a right to happiness? Why aren't we satisfied with settling for some kind of vague acceptance of our lot in life? And why do we assume that everyone around us has the right to be happy as well?
Some of us spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy and not succeeding, because very few of us know what truly makes someone else happy. We bend over backwards trying to act how we think friends want us to act only to be misunderstood and get it thrown back at us, with everyone ending up miserable.
What makes the human soul so determined to strive for that largely imaginary state of "happiness" when settling for something less is often so much less painful and requires so much less effort?
Why aren't we satisfied with what life deals us, no matter how miserable that ration is? Some of us will never achieve that nirvana we dream of, so what strange quirk of human nature is it that stops us accepting that fact and makes us keep banging our heads against that wall?
We don't settle for what we have. We strive for more. It's what drives mankind forward.
Dec 18th 2009, 7:29 am
#20
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,144
Re: Happiness
I have seen this gene - its really there.
I think there are lots of different topics really here. I think that you can be unsatisfied/unhappy with things without being unhappy. I currently am very happy personally however I also want to change huge numbers of things that I am unhappy with if that makes sense.
Em is in a transitional phase which is unsettling and a personality changing period of life - all necessary to grow like a big fat oak tree which is why I have bought us weighing scales as an essential office item. (I am not saying there is any visible evidence of this happening, its just in my experience you go one way or another in transition and I dont want to risk it - our office is SMALL). With this type of unhappiness then you just have to be sensible and roll with it - even wallow a bit. Its horrible and exciting all at once and time means the scales balance out into a new equilibrium that becomes you.
KPorte sounds thoroughly miserable - not good but again hopefully not permanent. Getting drunk sounds like one answer.
Christmas is a funny time, I think you question where you are at in life and often don't like the evaluation. Human nature makes us want to change and improve and to grow. I think bouncing around in a permanent state of euphoric happiness can actually be quite numbing. Plus the drugs are expensive and all your friends get to hate you because there is nothing worse than a constantly chirpy person.
POlyanna - I dont know what is making you unhappy but if you are always there for other people - make sure that absorbing their unhappiness doesn't add to the problems you may have. make sure you have time to return the favour
Viv
I think there are lots of different topics really here. I think that you can be unsatisfied/unhappy with things without being unhappy. I currently am very happy personally however I also want to change huge numbers of things that I am unhappy with if that makes sense.
Em is in a transitional phase which is unsettling and a personality changing period of life - all necessary to grow like a big fat oak tree which is why I have bought us weighing scales as an essential office item. (I am not saying there is any visible evidence of this happening, its just in my experience you go one way or another in transition and I dont want to risk it - our office is SMALL). With this type of unhappiness then you just have to be sensible and roll with it - even wallow a bit. Its horrible and exciting all at once and time means the scales balance out into a new equilibrium that becomes you.
KPorte sounds thoroughly miserable - not good but again hopefully not permanent. Getting drunk sounds like one answer.
Christmas is a funny time, I think you question where you are at in life and often don't like the evaluation. Human nature makes us want to change and improve and to grow. I think bouncing around in a permanent state of euphoric happiness can actually be quite numbing. Plus the drugs are expensive and all your friends get to hate you because there is nothing worse than a constantly chirpy person.
POlyanna - I dont know what is making you unhappy but if you are always there for other people - make sure that absorbing their unhappiness doesn't add to the problems you may have. make sure you have time to return the favour
Viv
Dec 18th 2009, 9:05 am
#21
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 6,600
Re: Happiness
Just wanted to say 'thank you all for sharing', you've all helped make this place a better and more human place because of your honesty.
Happiness? I'll have to let my wholegrain toast digest a bit before I attempt my own two ha'peth . . .
Is it too late to make this 'Thread of the Year'?
Happiness? I'll have to let my wholegrain toast digest a bit before I attempt my own two ha'peth . . .
Is it too late to make this 'Thread of the Year'?
Dec 18th 2009, 9:19 am
#22
Im a woomaaan
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,978
Re: Happiness
Happiness is infectous, unfortunately so is misery - I learned a long time ago that some people enjoy dragging you down. We all deserve a bit of happiness - sometimes that can something as simple as having a good laugh with friends.. It doesn`t have to be something major, we just have to recognise it when we find it, not when we`ve lost it.
Dec 18th 2009, 10:04 am
#23
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
Posts: 21,434
Re: Happiness
You're right, it does, and when you have tried soooo hard and you know you've failed it really does make you feel you are totally worthless. Especially if its eomeone close to you - after all if you can't make them happy, who else matters?
I can see what Sally is saying, we ourselves should matter, and our happiness should be as important as that of people aound us. I really struggle with his kind of guilt thing though - i I can't make someone I care for happy, what right do I have to happiness, just feels selfish to me
I can see what Sally is saying, we ourselves should matter, and our happiness should be as important as that of people aound us. I really struggle with his kind of guilt thing though - i I can't make someone I care for happy, what right do I have to happiness, just feels selfish to me
We all have our own demons to work out & your friend has his too. He has to deal with his issues & all you can do is be there. You can't force happiness on people but that certainly doesn't mean that you should deny it for yourself.
Dec 18th 2009, 10:25 am
#24
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Happiness
Happiness is infectous, unfortunately so is misery - I learned a long time ago that some people enjoy dragging you down. We all deserve a bit of happiness - sometimes that can something as simple as having a good laugh with friends.. It doesn`t have to be something major, we just have to recognise it when we find it, not when we`ve lost it.
spot on!
Dec 18th 2009, 10:29 am
#26
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Happiness
nearly everytime i have met you you have been a jolly soul lol
you must have been into the cider when you did this thread
Dec 18th 2009, 10:36 am
#27
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,995
Re: Happiness
A lot of us who are unhappy inside put on a happy facade so others can't see it. To see me or talk to me people would never have the slightest clue about what's going on inside.
Dec 18th 2009, 10:38 am
#28
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Happiness
Dec 18th 2009, 10:59 am
#30
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: Happiness
Anyway, in answer to the OP (Gosh, Polly, maudlin or what?) I guess happiness is what you make it and how much happy self talk you give yourself. You can actually talk yourself into a happier state of mind if you work at it. For the most part mine is more a grateful state of mind that I do live a privileged life compared with millions of others but the moments of pure and unadulterated delerious happiness are few and far between. At the end of the day though, you have to look after number one because no one else is going to do it for you and if you can do that without making someone else unhappy then I think you will be doing the best you can.
