Pollyana

One of those threads that arises late at night after a bottle of wine and a disastrous evening........

"I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. " W B Yeats

Why do people assume they have the right to be happy in life? Why do we all feel we should be dreaming of, and aspiring to be, happy?

I mean, most of us spend a large part of our lives striving to be happy, but why do we assume we have the right to achieve that happiness, to fulfill those dreams? We will never all manage to be happy with our lot, so why do we all assume that we have a right to happiness? Why aren't we satisfied with settling for some kind of vague acceptance of our lot in life? And why do we assume that everyone around us has the right to be happy as well?

Some of us spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy and not succeeding, because very few of us know what truly makes someone else happy. We bend over backwards trying to act how we think friends want us to act only to be misunderstood and get it thrown back at us, with everyone ending up miserable.

What makes the human soul so determined to strive for that largely imaginary state of "happiness" when settling for something less is often so much less painful and requires so much less effort?

Why aren't we satisfied with what life deals us, no matter how miserable that ration is? Some of us will never achieve that nirvana we dream of, so what strange quirk of human nature is it that stops us accepting that fact and makes us keep banging our heads against that wall?

Cheetah7

Polly, those of us that are satisfied with what life deals us may well have found that state of happiness you talk about.

Some always want more and will never get 'to the top' because they will always be looking for more.

Some are happy with their lot and accept that and I think happiness can also be defined as accepting what you have at the current stage in your life.

I had this job in England many years ago that I really hated, I couldnt accept that nor the unhappiness that went with it, so I left and got a better job.

Happiness is where you are at - at that moment in time, it can change, we can change and alot of the time we have the power to change how we think and what upsets us.

We just need to motivate ourselves into doing it.

kporte

I thought I was happy then something comes along to endanger that. I don't actually require much but sometimes low expectations means a low return... I am a happy person in an unhappy place just now and I don't like it

Pollyana

I was kind of getting that idea from some of your recent posts

I've spent too many years trying to make everyone else happy, and nowadays I never seem to succeed at that, so now I'm thinking maybe its time for me - but what right have I got to try and make ME happy? I can't see any reason why I deserve it, yet everyone around me seems to think I should be aiming for that mythical state of mind........

kporte

Make yourself happy first, then everything follows. I'm told! I have always been pretty bulletproof regarding happiness. Even through tough times I have retained my poise and sense of humour. I am toiling with that just now. I need a night out with a witch and a teeny Irishman!

Pollyana

Not sure the witch is good company right now.....though maybe between you and the teeny Irishman you'd get me laughing again

Sally Simpson

My tuppence worth is that there are some people who always put the needs of others before themselves. They like to feel needed but this is not always gratified & this can make one unhappy.
Some people put the needs of others before those of themselves in order not to deal with their own issues.
Sometimes people spend time giving to others only to be let down when they seek something for themselves from those other people.

Blah blah blah!

Life can be full of shit & other people are too! In order to deal with it, you have to find some inner peace & value yourself. Your life may not be perfect but you have to come to terms with it. It can be a painful process.

It is all too easy to think that other people are having shiny happy lives. Some of them genuinely are, many are not ,all or even some, of the time! Often it is all a public facade!

K sent!

kporte

As long as you and I don't sit in a corner feeling sorry for ourselves, we'll be sweet! I will make you laugh if I have to pull BB's trousers down.

Pollyana

Well I'm laughing at the thought of it, so I think we'll be fine

petensue

You have really made a lot of sense.I don't value myself as a daughter or as a parent at the moment and I admit I find happiness in looking after other people.

When you find you have failed at making other people happy makes you think you are worthless.Your post has made me think about my life and I feel I can do something to get back on track again.Sue.

Nu-Shooz

I'm happy..nothing else to add.

Pollyana

You're right, it does, and when you have tried soooo hard and you know you've failed it really does make you feel you are totally worthless. Especially if its eomeone close to you - after all if you can't make them happy, who else matters?
I can see what Sally is saying, we ourselves should matter, and our happiness should be as important as that of people aound us. I really struggle with his kind of guilt thing though - i I can't make someone I care for happy, what right do I have to happiness, just feels selfish to me

Pollyana

Good

pommybird

I think women and particularly women who are mothers are too good at putting everyone else's happiness before their own - many of us who have been stuck overseas have done this - I did it for 2 years then decided I was going to put myself first for a change - consequently we are back in the Uk and are all happier than ever.

petensue

That is how I feel.It has also knocked my confidence when I thought I was good at something.I will try and sort myself out as I think it is important to be happy as I know my two other children pick up on it when I am down and it is not fair on them.Sue.