debs66

Hi there I have posted several threads over the last year about my daughter not wanting to come to Oz.

She will be shortly 16 and is planning to go on take her A levels in September and as no desire whatsoever to come with the family but stay with her nana.

I feel very much like piggy in the middle because my partner is keen to move as soon as possible and yet my daughter is digging her heels in and saying she doesn't want to come, but I am not sure if I could leave her so young whilst I am at the other side of the world as anybody else been in this situation please? It feels a difficult situation to be in...

Many thanks

Debbie

GillyG

Hi Debbie,

Can I be nosey and ask is your partner your daughters father? Do you have any other children that you will be taking?
x

robos

hi debbie

our daughter has just turned 16 she met a lad 3 months ago(against our wishes)
after knowing him 4 weeks we sold our house(we were only waiting for the house to sell so we could go to oz)and she panicked and didnt want to go to oz so she ran off to live with her boyfriend
we havent seen much of her since
we have how ever decided to make the move without her it has been the hardest decision we have ever had to make but we know she has my parents and our very good family and friends if anything was to happen that it has made the decision slightly easier as she will not be alone

as everyone knows the decision to go as a whole family is hard enough but when you leave one behind its harder but at least if you still go she can always join you at a later date

no one else can make this decision for you as everyones thoughts and views on a matter such as this is different

good luck mate you will decide whats right for you and yours

jan xx

sasbear

Hi Debbie,

Yes - I made that choice. I say I as in myself. My partner wanted to come out so badly (daughter's step-dad) and I worked so damned hard to get a visa (long story but do a search on my threads started) that I wasn't going to change our plans to emigrate.

Daughter was 14 and almost 15 at the time and was determined to stay put - so she moved to stay with her father's GF.

I have to say it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I will say that if you are strong and have the support needed you can do it and there WILL come a day when things turn out ok - not so sure how long it will be - good luck and make the choice and go with it.

Sarah

Jan,

Sounds as though you have got a decision to make and a bloody hard one too. My thoughts are with you right now - best wishes

Sarah xx

debs66

Hi Gilly

In answer to your question no your not being nosey and my daughter is not my partners no but we have a son together of 4 years old. I guess it is easier for him to go without her I know but he does understand about the situation.

But when is anytime a good time to go I say. In a few years she will be travelling the world herself and I will be left here in the UK. I just hope she changes her mind when she knows we mean business about going.

Many thanks

Debbie

GillyG

This is a really tough one Debbie. Yes she will be travelling the World herself in a few years so is there the possibility that you can make the move then, when she is old enough to look after herself? 15/16 is still very young, I know I still needed my mum when I was her age. I'm not trying to make you feel bad at all, but if I were your daughter I would feel that maybe you were choosing your new partner over me. x

Wendy

Is she saying she doesn't want to come ever, or just not right now?

katsmajic

Ive just found myself in this same boat...

its so hard, but im going to make the right decision and go - if i dont then that window of opportunity will close - if i go then that window will always be open for her if she wanted/needed it.

im hoping she'll come round by april, cos i know its going to rip me in two to leave her - no matter how vile she can be!

its not about chosing between the child/partner, its about following your heart/gut and knowing whats right - no matter what.

sasbear

Sorry to hear that - it isn't a place that I ever want to be again...but saying that I would make the same choices if I had to.

Best wishesxx

robos

well said !!!

we intend to do a video message for our daughter and a letter just to let her know that our door will always be open to her and she will be welcome any time

we are leaving her the money for a flight even if she just wants to visit

after all we have 2 other kids to consider aswell as ourselves and we are not getting any younger

good luck to anyone in this situation i know its an awful situation but we will all do whats right for all our families and thats all that matters

jan xx

robos

you cant really say the daughter will think that !
originally we said we all go or none go but since we have been put in this situation or views have changed
we have made the decision to go for a number of reasons our main one being our 18yr old son has put his life on hold for this adventure you see when he left school he could of got an apprenticeship but because of our plans he didnt take it and decided to just take any job to get by but he isnt happy at all its a 2 bit job not a career so you see he needs to get his life back on track
there are many more reasons for our decision but i dont want to bore everyone

jan xx

debs66

She is saying she never wants to come, she did do a rekki with us in Oct and wasn't too keen on Oz but teenagers mind can change like the weather as we all know.

robos

teenage girls are the worlds worst for changing their minds we should no hey after all we were there ourselves once !

jan xx

debs66

Hi Gilly

Yes, I understand what you are saying I too feel 16 would be far too young to leave her if I knew she was 18 and going onto Uni I could somehow better deal with that but on the other hand I feel after another 2 or maybe 3 years of already waiting 2 years I can see us never going somehow and with the house prices and everything rocketing in Perth it is a worry. But on the other hand my daughter means the world to me.

debs66

I second that one Jan lol!!