glesga banter
Mar 7th 2006, 5:53 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: under the stairs
Posts: 119
glesga banter
A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit. "How many
children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec,
Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that
get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot
playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or
ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose
from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."
A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"
Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
peter
children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec,
Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that
get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot
playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or
ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose
from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."
A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"
Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
peter
Mar 7th 2006, 6:18 pm
#2
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
Re: glesga banter
Originally Posted by peterinblack
A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit. "How many
children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec,
Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that
get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot
playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or
ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose
from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."
A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"
Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
peter
children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec,
Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that
get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot
playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or
ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose
from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."
A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"
Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
peter
Mar 7th 2006, 7:03 pm
#3
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: glesga banter
magic stuff peter, ferr cheered me up afore ma work 
liked the last one the best.
and to add to it.
A Glesga Burd is stonnin at the sink daein the dishes, when her 4 year auld wee lassie asks hur.
"ma why urr yir hawnz so saft"?
"Cos IM 12 hen"
liked the last one the best.
and to add to it.
A Glesga Burd is stonnin at the sink daein the dishes, when her 4 year auld wee lassie asks hur.
"ma why urr yir hawnz so saft"?
"Cos IM 12 hen"
Originally Posted by peterinblack
A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit. "How many
children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec,
Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that
get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot
playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or
ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose
from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."
A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"
Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
peter
children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec,
Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that
get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot
playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or
ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose
from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."
A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"
Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
peter
