Glaswegian Joke
Nov 23rd 2008, 12:15 am
#1
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Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Benowa, Gold Coast
Posts: 252
Glaswegian Joke
The story is allegedly true.
The scene is a Glasgow court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD)
AD 'You say you went to your friend's house that night. Why did you go there?'
WITNESS 'Tae get a tap.'
AD 'Is your friend a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Are you a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but noticesthat the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money.Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly.
AD 'So you went to the house to borrow money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. What kind of a tap was it?'
WITNESS 'A Sellic tap.'
The scene is a Glasgow court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD)
AD 'You say you went to your friend's house that night. Why did you go there?'
WITNESS 'Tae get a tap.'
AD 'Is your friend a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Are you a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but noticesthat the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money.Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly.
AD 'So you went to the house to borrow money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. What kind of a tap was it?'
WITNESS 'A Sellic tap.'
Nov 23rd 2008, 2:43 am
#2
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 9,397
Re: Glaswegian Joke
Don't get it 
Nov 23rd 2008, 2:48 am
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2004
Location: Sydney, NSW.
Posts: 882
Re: Glaswegian Joke
The story is allegedly true.
The scene is a Glasgow court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD)
AD 'You say you went to your friend's house that night. Why did you go there?'
WITNESS 'Tae get a tap.'
AD 'Is your friend a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Are you a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but noticesthat the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money.Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly.
AD 'So you went to the house to borrow money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. What kind of a tap was it?'
WITNESS 'A Sellic tap.'
The scene is a Glasgow court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD)
AD 'You say you went to your friend's house that night. Why did you go there?'
WITNESS 'Tae get a tap.'
AD 'Is your friend a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Are you a plumber?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but noticesthat the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money.Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly.
AD 'So you went to the house to borrow money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
AD 'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?'
WITNESS 'Naw.'
In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. What kind of a tap was it?'
WITNESS 'A Sellic tap.'
LOL !!!
After working & living in East end Glasgow for years , I belive this. LOL !!
Nov 23rd 2008, 3:46 am
#4
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Location: Scotland-South Africa-Sunshine Coast
Posts: 1,333
Nov 23rd 2008, 5:25 am
#5
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 9,397
Re: Glaswegian Joke
No, beyond me......
Nov 23rd 2008, 7:33 am
#6
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 14,188
Re: Glaswegian Joke
Have a Brummie joke instead
"Birmingham City Council has announced that from the 1st of January Birmingham will be known as Birmingchicken. it is thought the present name offends certain immigrants religious and dietary rules.
Councillor Bill Scrogbottom said "We have to move with the times. Birmingchicken will portray itself as a fully-integrated society with a name to appeal to the majority of its inhabitants."
"Birmingham City Council has announced that from the 1st of January Birmingham will be known as Birmingchicken. it is thought the present name offends certain immigrants religious and dietary rules.
Councillor Bill Scrogbottom said "We have to move with the times. Birmingchicken will portray itself as a fully-integrated society with a name to appeal to the majority of its inhabitants."
Nov 23rd 2008, 10:24 am
#7
A bubbly-jock...
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Teneriffe
Posts: 6,262
Re: Glaswegian Joke
4X Cup-holder:
Glasgow Caller: "Hullo pal, could ye put me oan tae yer technical support peeple?"
Tech Rep: "Technical repairs here. How may I help you?"
Glasgow Caller: "Hullo. It's actually no ma PC that's broken...but the cup holder a' use for ma Aussie 4X beer. Aye and ahm still within ma warranty period. How dae I go aboot gettin' it fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Glasgow Caller: "Aye, it's the wan attached to the front o' ma computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Glasgow Caller: "It came with ma computer, I dinnae ken onythin' about a promotional. It just says '4X' on the front o' it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it any longer. The Glasgow caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
Glasgow Caller: "Hullo pal, could ye put me oan tae yer technical support peeple?"
Tech Rep: "Technical repairs here. How may I help you?"
Glasgow Caller: "Hullo. It's actually no ma PC that's broken...but the cup holder a' use for ma Aussie 4X beer. Aye and ahm still within ma warranty period. How dae I go aboot gettin' it fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Glasgow Caller: "Aye, it's the wan attached to the front o' ma computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Glasgow Caller: "It came with ma computer, I dinnae ken onythin' about a promotional. It just says '4X' on the front o' it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it any longer. The Glasgow caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
