Getting the call!

Old Apr 1st 2012, 11:36 pm
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Default Re: Getting the call!

I am really sorry that you have had that dreaded call. It makes it harder that you are so far away, and more of a shock if it was unexpected.

Take time to grieve- hard I know in the flurry of organising things, but essential for your mental health. Remember all the good things you shared with your dad, his unique and/or quirky qualities that brought a smile to your face. Don't feel that you should be strong all the time- find someone that you can just hug, or a place where you can shout/scream if you need to.

((()))
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Old Apr 1st 2012, 11:56 pm
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Default Re: Getting the call!

Sorry to hear about your loss pony.
It takes time for the guilt pain to go away, it does gets easier take one step at the time, the first year is the hardest.xx
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Old Apr 2nd 2012, 5:35 am
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Default Re: Getting the call!

I am sorry to learn of your loss.

I too am dreading the call that I know will come sooner rather than later.

I went back at Christmas to see my family for the first time in 21 years. I wanted my wife to meet my parents, and them to meet her.

My father was my age when i last saw him. The door was opened by a little old grey haired man that i hardly recognized. For the first time in my life he told me he was proud of me, which almost reduced me to tears.

I left knowing that there was a good chance I would not see him again, although I plan on going back next year.

Nothing stops the march of time, and we should enjoy our family whilst we can. There are no second chances.
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Old Apr 2nd 2012, 5:40 am
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Default Re: Getting the call!

Originally Posted by slapphead_otool View Post
I am sorry to learn of your loss.

I too am dreading the call that I know will come sooner rather than later.

I went back at Christmas to see my family for the first time in 21 years. I wanted my wife to meet my parents, and them to meet her.

My father was my age when i last saw him. The door was opened by a little old grey haired man that i hardly recognized. For the first time in my life he told me he was proud of me, which almost reduced me to tears. I left knowing that there was a good chance I would not see him again, although I plan on going back next year.

Nothing stops the march of time, and we should enjoy our family whilst we can. There are no second chances.
Shit, should not have read this in my lunchbreak.

Hugs to you Slapphead - these are emotions that hit us all that when we emigrate, nothing and I mean nothing, prepares us for.

Realising that the strong man/woman you left behind as your parents have become old - without your 'consent' and without your 'approval' and you realise that not only are they vulnerable but so are you because you left them and still need them more than ever.

A sobering thought.

(made myself upset now.)
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Old Apr 2nd 2012, 7:50 am
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Default Re: Getting the call!

Originally Posted by slapphead_otool View Post

Nothing stops the march of time, and we should enjoy our family whilst we can. There are no second chances.
great line!
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Old Apr 2nd 2012, 9:24 pm
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Default Re: Getting the call!

I feel for you. We are in a similar position but without the distance.

We were meant to be heading back to Aus in Feb, but decided to delay for a number of reasons.
Saturday evening we got 'the call' from my SIL. I was relieved that it only involved a 2 hour drive. We were there to see/talk to my mother before she slipped into an unconscious state.

It is a horrible time. Hope you are feeling OK.
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Old Apr 2nd 2012, 10:31 pm
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Default Re: Getting the call!

Very sorry to hear your sad news.
Try not to be hard on yourself about not having spoken for a short while.
Also from experience it's harder if you try to stop yourself from grieving. If you need to cry, cry.
It will feel like you've been thumped hard in the heart and that feeling won't go over night i'm afraid.

Its sounds so much like cliche but it will take time, gradually the days an nights will get easier, but as hard as it is you have to find your own way through it, what suits one person for dealing with it may not suit another.
We had a couple of losses in 2010 and I can hand on heart say that that first year from those passings was one of the hardest years of my life.
It took a year of grief and thoughts like 'this time last year' for me to move forward with my grief and nearly 2 years on I can look at photo's and say hand on heart that I still love and miss them but maybe 1 in 10 times I look at a picture does it bring me to tears. I used to have to hide pictures as they brought me to tears all the time.
You will still feel that loss but gradually pictures and belongings and memories will bring you comfort. You may still have the occasional wobble - I still do now.
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Old Apr 2nd 2012, 11:16 pm
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Default Re: Getting the call!

So sorry to hear that Pony, and your news Pom. It's the suddenness as much as anything, whilst we don't want them to suffer for a long time, it does at least give you time to get used to the idea. When my Dad died it was almost a relief. It will get easier over time, there's just no knowing how long that time will be but getting over all the 'firsts' is very tough.
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Old Apr 3rd 2012, 1:17 am
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Default Re: Getting the call!

As everyone has said it just takes time. You never fully get over it, but that's not a bad thing. But I do find that the memories are more to do with laughter than tears as time goes on. I lost my daughter to suicide last august. I was away on site in WA and she was back in England. I had woken up early and went on Facebook to see RIP messages to my daughter. Not a great way to find out. I managed to get back to the UK pretty quick and the busyness of getting everything done was, looking back, very useful as it stopped me being overpowered by the grief

The last Sunday we took a phone call from my wife's brother to say that her dad who we thought was recovering from cancer had suddenly gone down hill and only had hours left. She was able to speak to him on the phone which was the hardest phone call anyone could have. Both knew it was goodbye and both were very brave but it was painful to watch. She got a flight straight away and is currently in England and the funeral will be Thursday, but she did get there in time.

So, I can understand what you are going through. If you want to talk at all just pm me with a number and I will call you.

Keep thinking about the nice memories
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Old Apr 3rd 2012, 1:24 am
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Default Re: Getting the call!

Originally Posted by verystormy View Post
I lost my daughter to suicide last august. I was away on site in WA and she was back in England. I had woken up early and went on Facebook to see RIP messages to my daughter. Not a great way to find out.
That is horrendous that you should find out that way. My sympathies. It's good your wife managed to get back to her dad in time, hope it helps.
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Old Apr 3rd 2012, 3:24 am
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Default Re: Getting the call!

Thinking of you pony and pom, our sympathies are with you both, also Verystormy a terrible way to find out about your daughter, a horrendoes enough thing to happen without finding out that way, also sympathies with your wife at this time.
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Old Apr 3rd 2012, 4:59 am
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Default Re: Getting the call!

So sorry Pony! Just awful. I really feel for you.

xxx
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Old Apr 3rd 2012, 7:42 am
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So sorry to hear your sad news Pony - and yours Pom xxxx
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Old Apr 15th 2012, 6:13 pm
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Default Re: Getting the call!

I just got back to Australia after the hardest two weeks of my life. Thank you all for your words of wisdom and sincere hearfelt sympathies to those of you going through a smiliar thing right now.

Nothing prepares you for this. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a child. :-(

Even after such a short time since my Dad's passing, and whilst I dont think it has fully hit me yet, I can take comfort from the fact that for him, his passing was the best way possible. Whilst for those of us left behind with our grief, we cannot often rationalise or understand the reasons why, I am blessed to know that my Dad went suddenly, with no long drawn out painful illness. Dont get me wrong, he had his health problems - a heart attack when he was 42, chronic back pain, a bypass 3 years ago - but on the morning he died he was happy, laughing and looking forward to his plans for the future. He went into hospital for a minor op - routine day surgery, went to sleep - and just didnt wake up again. He would have been 61 on 30th April.

I got my chance to say to him the things I needed to when I went to see him in the chapel. Not something I had done before or probably will do again. A confronting but very comforting thing and I'm glad I got to hold his hand one last time.

We make our decisions to leave our loved ones behind in search of our dreams and we pay the consequences for those decisions. I know my Dad was so proud of my decision to try and better myself and my life by moving half way around the world and whilst the distance is hard to conquer, the love we had for each other is just as strong despite the miles.

I will miss him so dreadfully that I cannot even bear to think about the weeks or months ahead. He gave me many things in life, was a wonderful, funny, generous and dedicated father and I am proud to say I am his daughter. I am very lucky to have had him in my life for this long.

Sorry for the ramble - started typing and it all just fell out :-)

Thank you all for your wise and kind words, it really does help to know that people understand - something I have never appreciated until now.

Love, luck and happiness to you all. xxx
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Old Apr 15th 2012, 8:41 pm
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Default Re: Getting the call!

I think grief affects you in strange ways. At the moment I am flicking from tears and sadness to laughing at nothing.

It is reassuring to know he passed quickly- my mother died on Thursday and I truly wish it had been swift, but sadly not. You will never have to wonder if you father was in pain and you should take comfort from that.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself plenty of time to grieve.

xxx
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