For the past 10 days a flock of Metallic Starlings have decided to roost in the only tree I have in my nature strip. I've checked with the council and basically they've said tough luck.....and don't touch our tree. Every house in our estate has the same sort of tree in their nature strip so I'm just the unlucky one.

Every day at dusk the blighters descend upon the tree and every dawn they depart again. Don't know how many but somewhere in the region of 1000 I would guess. Seems impossible for that many to fit in the tree but eventually they squeeze in.

Problem is the bloomin noise they make. It's like turning your iPod up full at dusk and dawn and there continues to be noisy spells throughout the night.....not condusive to a good nights sleep. There's also an issue of birdshite accumulating.

I tried hosing the buggers as they were arriving one evening but that made no difference. I needed a flame thrower.

So how can I get rid of them?

Get a cat and make sure it's a hunter

Park your ute under the tree at night and leave it with the engine running... The carbon monoxide will kill em, thats if global warming caused by your the emmissions doesnt get to them first.

haven't yuo ever read Danny Champion of the World?.... Get a load of raisns, slit them open, fill em with crushed up sleeping tablets and soak them in rum (was that the plan?) sew them back up again then when the little barstewards eat them they'll fall off their perches and you can sweep them up, and drop them in the ocean....

.....or still get a cat

There are about 5 cats in our road and I know at least two of them are hunters.

But they sit under the tree in a sort of stupor; bemused by the bird numbers.

I've been trying to work out how I could smoke them out but every idea would end up burning down the tree.

Shoot the cats and keep the birds. They seem smarter

Maybe I should poison a couple of the cats and leave them under the tree.

I could tell people they ate the starlings so they must be carrying a disease. They come from Papua New Guinea so that should get AQIS out to gas the sods.

Go buy a hawk

That might work

Failing that get a BB gun or a strong nerf gun

I already have 1000 birds thanks.

i could send Mumbles over to yours..... He's an excellent climber of trees, and the added attraction of hundreds of birds.....

Problem is You would hve to signa 12 month contract for his services

The birds only stay for 6 months before migrating to PNG.

get one of these http://www.birdgard.com.au/

Look through your cd collection... All the crappy shite you have collected over the years... Hang the cds on the tree and shine lits on them as they arrive... They wont stay...

Especially if you have any Barry Manilow