Do you find people 'flakey' here?
Sep 11th 2007, 12:49 pm
#46
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Secret Harbour, WA
Posts: 1,496
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
Sep 11th 2007, 12:57 pm
#47
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
With the friends thing, it's maybe something to do with the rule that I try and go by.
"If you cant say anything nice, try not to say anything"
I'm not saying that's an excuse, but being from Yorkshire I know I can be blount and say the wrong thing !!!!.
Maybe people may think it's better to just fade away and be forgotten than have someone tell you you don't want to come to something, because you don't really like them and think they are arseholes ???
Alan.
"If you cant say anything nice, try not to say anything"
I'm not saying that's an excuse, but being from Yorkshire I know I can be blount and say the wrong thing !!!!.
Maybe people may think it's better to just fade away and be forgotten than have someone tell you you don't want to come to something, because you don't really like them and think they are arseholes ???
Alan.
Sep 11th 2007, 1:01 pm
#48
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Secret Harbour, WA
Posts: 1,496
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
Know what you mean, Alan. I have a very dry sense of humor and sometimes can be seen as blunt or sarcastic. I don't mean to be, but that's just how some see me. The older I get, the more I realise that I have to be myself and not watch every word I say. We had people over a couple of weeks ago and the entire night I had to think very carefully about what I was going to say next so as not to offend anyone. It made for a very unpleasant night.
and IMO, also the funniest
I'm sure we'd get on famously!
Sep 11th 2007, 1:07 pm
#49
Jan4kids
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Hertfordshire - Adelaide - now Gold Coast.
Posts: 1,156
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
My daughter is signing up this weekend at Quinn's. I'm as excited as she is, I think.
Back to the friends thing. We had a friends in Adelaide who we just clicked with right away. We all enjoyed the same things and loved getting together just to sit on a patio having a coffee or a beer. I haven't really met anyone here in Perth yet who I feel that same "kinship" with. Not to say I haven't met some really lovely people, but I don't think it's the same. Just lately I've come to the conculsion that I'm likable so if people don't want to be with me then it's their loss. If you want, Jules, I'll be your friend. You too, Lace.
Back to the friends thing. We had a friends in Adelaide who we just clicked with right away. We all enjoyed the same things and loved getting together just to sit on a patio having a coffee or a beer. I haven't really met anyone here in Perth yet who I feel that same "kinship" with. Not to say I haven't met some really lovely people, but I don't think it's the same. Just lately I've come to the conculsion that I'm likable so if people don't want to be with me then it's their loss. If you want, Jules, I'll be your friend. You too, Lace.
Which felt really good after such a major upheaval in life. I will even go as far to say that those friendships are far more rewarding than most of those I had in the U.K. Within time 'normal' friendships happened too.......Likeminded Mums outside the classroom, neighbours, work collegues etc I think I was very lucky first time round as I haven't felt as if I have 'clicked' (or had potential to
) with most ex-pats I have met through the internet here....I'm sure the exceptions know who you are
It made me feel sad and I stopped attending meets and have consequently made one really good friend and quite a few that I see on a regular basis.The whole 'ex-pat' situation isn't that normal really is it? You get to meet people that you wouldn't ever have met in your life in the U.K....well I know I have! I also think there's a big thing in the North/South divide...there just isn't that instant common ground and also some kind of history of division between North and South in the U.K.
I am guilty of flakey behaviour in the past.....mainly due to social anxiety and initially trying to 'do the right thing' and fit in initially....some of the time I'll like the wife/kids but can't stand the hubby after the first meet or as has been mentioned by the OP ....be put off by the 'oneupmanship' of a new life enriched by equity in U.K £'s. I agree that constantly harping on about how well your doing may well be some kind of insecurity on the part of the person and they somehow need to constantly affirm why they emmigrated. Rather than 'competing' with one another we should support each other as we all have been mad/brave/bold enough to take the plunge and actually DO what lots of people talk about but never actually have the balls/means to accomplish. We should help others have a fair go, not be 'tall poppies' and not give a stuff about material possesions.....evaluate each person for who they are not what they have.
Lets not be disheartened and still extend the hand of friendship to newcomers and all of us prone to flakeness be sure to return calls/texts and recipicate with the BBQ's and coffee invites
Jan
Even so the 'keeping up with the Jones' is a hard mentality to shake after a whole lifetime of it don't you think?
Sep 11th 2007, 1:10 pm
#50
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Secret Harbour, WA
Posts: 1,496
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
Hey Dorothy! I thought that was just me......I met up with many people from the Adelaide based forum 'Adelaidebrits' and within a reasonably short space of time felt that I had 3 or 4 aquaintances that were fast becoming good friends Which felt really good after such a major upheaval in life. I will even go as far to say that those friendships are far more rewarding than most of those I had in the U.K. Within time 'normal' friendships happened too.......Likeminded Mums outside the classroom, neighbours, work collegues etc
I think I was very lucky first time round as I haven't felt as if I have 'clicked' (or had potential to) with most ex-pats I have met through the internet here....I'm sure the exceptions know who you are It made me feel sad and I stopped attending meets and have consequently made one really good friend and quite a few that I see on a regular basis.
The whole 'ex-pat' situation isn't that normal really is it? You get to meet people that you wouldn't ever have met in your life in the U.K....well I know I have! I also think there's a big thing in the North/South divide...there just isn't that instant common ground and also some kind of history of division between North and South in the U.K.
I am guilty of flakey behaviour in the past.....mainly due to social anxiety and initially trying to 'do the right thing' and fit in initially....some of the time I'll like the wife/kids but can't stand the hubby after the first meet or as has been mentioned by the OP ....be put off by the 'oneupmanship' of a new life enriched by equity in U.K £'s. I agree that constantly harping on about how well your doing may well be some kind of insecurity on the part of the person and they somehow need to constantly affirm why they emmigrated. Rather than 'competing' with one another we should support each other as we all have been mad/brave/bold enough to take the plunge and actually DO what lots of people talk about but never actually have the balls/means to accomplish. We should help others have a fair go, not be 'tall poppies' and not give a stuff about material possesions.....evaluate each person for who they are not what they have.
Lets not be disheartened and still extend the hand of friendship to newcomers and all of us prone to flakeness be sure to return calls/texts and recipicate with the BBQ's and coffee invites
Jan
Even so the 'keeping up with the Jones' is a hard mentality to shake after a whole lifetime of it don't you think?
Which felt really good after such a major upheaval in life. I will even go as far to say that those friendships are far more rewarding than most of those I had in the U.K. Within time 'normal' friendships happened too.......Likeminded Mums outside the classroom, neighbours, work collegues etc I think I was very lucky first time round as I haven't felt as if I have 'clicked' (or had potential to
) with most ex-pats I have met through the internet here....I'm sure the exceptions know who you are It made me feel sad and I stopped attending meets and have consequently made one really good friend and quite a few that I see on a regular basis.The whole 'ex-pat' situation isn't that normal really is it? You get to meet people that you wouldn't ever have met in your life in the U.K....well I know I have! I also think there's a big thing in the North/South divide...there just isn't that instant common ground and also some kind of history of division between North and South in the U.K.
I am guilty of flakey behaviour in the past.....mainly due to social anxiety and initially trying to 'do the right thing' and fit in initially....some of the time I'll like the wife/kids but can't stand the hubby after the first meet or as has been mentioned by the OP ....be put off by the 'oneupmanship' of a new life enriched by equity in U.K £'s. I agree that constantly harping on about how well your doing may well be some kind of insecurity on the part of the person and they somehow need to constantly affirm why they emmigrated. Rather than 'competing' with one another we should support each other as we all have been mad/brave/bold enough to take the plunge and actually DO what lots of people talk about but never actually have the balls/means to accomplish. We should help others have a fair go, not be 'tall poppies' and not give a stuff about material possesions.....evaluate each person for who they are not what they have.
Lets not be disheartened and still extend the hand of friendship to newcomers and all of us prone to flakeness be sure to return calls/texts and recipicate with the BBQ's and coffee invites
Jan
Even so the 'keeping up with the Jones' is a hard mentality to shake after a whole lifetime of it don't you think?
Jules x
Sep 11th 2007, 1:22 pm
#51
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Carramar in Perth's northern suburbs
Posts: 1,129
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
My daughter is signing up this weekend at Quinn's. I'm as excited as she is, I think.
Back to the friends thing. We had a friends in Adelaide who we just clicked with right away. We all enjoyed the same things and loved getting together just to sit on a patio having a coffee or a beer. I haven't really met anyone here in Perth yet who I feel that same "kinship" with. Not to say I haven't met some really lovely people, but I don't think it's the same. Just lately I've come to the conculsion that I'm likable so if people don't want to be with me then it's their loss. If you want, Jules, I'll be your friend. You too, Lace.
Back to the friends thing. We had a friends in Adelaide who we just clicked with right away. We all enjoyed the same things and loved getting together just to sit on a patio having a coffee or a beer. I haven't really met anyone here in Perth yet who I feel that same "kinship" with. Not to say I haven't met some really lovely people, but I don't think it's the same. Just lately I've come to the conculsion that I'm likable so if people don't want to be with me then it's their loss. If you want, Jules, I'll be your friend. You too, Lace.
We struggled with 3 babes in arms when we first arrived (they are all over 6 foot now ...... I'm about 5'-6" and the wife is 5' nothing so don't know where the height came from?)........ and it was hard to mix in at first.
I found that no-one wanted to know us at school cos we were out of work it was really snobby at East Wanneroo pre-primary....... and I mean really really snobby....the mums were up themselves.... think everyone was called Jones in those days and we couldn't keep up wiv em due to our circumstances.
We had a crap old banger van, a crap house which was falling to bits and had a leaking roof (really got conned into buying that old heap of rubbish!)...... try as we may, neither of us could get a job ... in those days there was definitely a stigma attached to the great unemployed. Annoyingly; that was the first time ever I had been unemployed.
Once we got on our feet which took us a few years; wow..... did things change or what? After many years of hard work and effort....... we have cracked it and have got well and truly on our feet.......... and the ones who didn't want to know us when we were down and out .......... well I have a long memory and they can all pogue mahone!!!
We treat everyone the same ......... we're not bothered how much money they have ......... or how little ....... it's none of our business? We get a great deal of pleasure out of helping people. Last Christmas I gave a real good friend of ours a car as he had fallen on hard times.... he couldn't believe it. He'd just got a new job after being unemployed for years........ he borrowed his daughter's old bomb only to have a yellow sticker put on it by the cops. He needed transport for work........ so that was his Christmas present. Same bloke had visited me in hospital nearly every day when I was in a bind...... I hadn't forgotten that.
If we put on a gathering at our place; it's not unusual to have 50 or 60 cars parked up our driveway (most we've ever had is 76)....... not all British; it's usually a real cosmopolitan mix. Problem now though is I am slowing down. I often make excuses for not wanting to go out. Don't mean to be disrespectful to our hosts.......... I'm usually just too knackered. I'm glad the Hyde Park changed hands or shut down....... missis kept dragging me off down there to dance to live rock n' roll bands....... I'm too old for that caper.
As long as they're not 'oity-toity' ............ I get on with everyone.
Sep 11th 2007, 10:39 pm
#52
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Paradise Point. Gold Coast.
Posts: 218
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
Well I'm just saying it as I see it, and how I deal with it.
You can't be life long friends with everyone you meet, and you can't force someone to like you , just because you like them.
It's a long history which makes for good friends, and it's the lack of history, by the nature of emigrating, which I see may be causing the problems discussed??
But what do I know, I can be a good friend, but enjoy time on my own without the need for company. Although some may call this sad, I feel it is a blessing in disguise.
Alan.
You can't be life long friends with everyone you meet, and you can't force someone to like you , just because you like them.
It's a long history which makes for good friends, and it's the lack of history, by the nature of emigrating, which I see may be causing the problems discussed??
But what do I know, I can be a good friend, but enjoy time on my own without the need for company. Although some may call this sad, I feel it is a blessing in disguise.
Alan.
Sep 12th 2007, 3:00 am
#53
here and staying
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: happy in the hills of Perth......
Posts: 4,351
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
I wondered if any of you had similar experiences?
Since we've been here, we've made a huge effort to make friends and settle. However *most* of the expats we've befriended (or tried to befriend) have been really flakey - by this I mean they say they'll turn up for something, then ten minutes before it's due to start they phone with a feeble excuse to cancel.
People seemed more concerned with 'what they've got' than they were in the UK. We know a family who were building two houses, one to live in whilst they built their 'proper' home and whenever you asked them how the house was coming along, they'd ask 'big house or little house?'. I just wanted to slap them!
Do you think it's the Brits that are overly concerned with what everyone's got - how big it is and how much it cost? The Aussies we've met don't seem to give a rats a*se!
Sorry - bit of a rant tonight. I'm just sick of people's attitudes at the moment. Everyone seems to be prepared to take but no-one wants to give!
Jules x
(P.S. In no way, shape or form does any of the above relate to the lovely lot who came to our last BBQ Honest 
)
Since we've been here, we've made a huge effort to make friends and settle. However *most* of the expats we've befriended (or tried to befriend) have been really flakey - by this I mean they say they'll turn up for something, then ten minutes before it's due to start they phone with a feeble excuse to cancel.
People seemed more concerned with 'what they've got' than they were in the UK. We know a family who were building two houses, one to live in whilst they built their 'proper' home and whenever you asked them how the house was coming along, they'd ask 'big house or little house?'. I just wanted to slap them!
Do you think it's the Brits that are overly concerned with what everyone's got - how big it is and how much it cost? The Aussies we've met don't seem to give a rats a*se!
Sorry - bit of a rant tonight. I'm just sick of people's attitudes at the moment. Everyone seems to be prepared to take but no-one wants to give!
Jules x
(P.S. In no way, shape or form does any of the above relate to the lovely lot who came to our last BBQ
Honest )Haven't read the rest of this thread but yes i agree Jules
I've met a few 'poms' that were more interested in whether what i had was bigger or better than theirs! so i don't bother with them now, more to life and all that!
and yes the aussie's that i know don't give a rat's arse what we've got or not got! they like me/us for being just me/us!
Personally i couldn't give a shit what someone else has, i'm fairly happy with what i've got if they're not thats their problem!
Sep 12th 2007, 3:02 am
#54
here and staying
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: happy in the hills of Perth......
Posts: 4,351
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
When you are down and out ....... well that's when you find who your friends really are...... truly ...... I thought we didn't have any
We struggled with 3 babes in arms when we first arrived (they are all over 6 foot now ...... I'm about 5'-6" and the wife is 5' nothing so don't know where the height came from?)........ and it was hard to mix in at first.
I found that no-one wanted to know us at school cos we were out of work it was really snobby at East Wanneroo pre-primary....... and I mean really really snobby....the mums were up themselves.... think everyone was called Jones in those days and we couldn't keep up wiv em due to our circumstances.
We had a crap old banger van, a crap house which was falling to bits and had a leaking roof (really got conned into buying that old heap of rubbish!)...... try as we may, neither of us could get a job ... in those days there was definitely a stigma attached to the great unemployed. Annoyingly; that was the first time ever I had been unemployed.
Once we got on our feet which took us a few years; wow..... did things change or what? After many years of hard work and effort....... we have cracked it and have got well and truly on our feet.......... and the ones who didn't want to know us when we were down and out .......... well I have a long memory and they can all pogue mahone!!!
We treat everyone the same ......... we're not bothered how much money they have ......... or how little ....... it's none of our business? We get a great deal of pleasure out of helping people. Last Christmas I gave a real good friend of ours a car as he had fallen on hard times.... he couldn't believe it. He'd just got a new job after being unemployed for years........ he borrowed his daughter's old bomb only to have a yellow sticker put on it by the cops. He needed transport for work........ so that was his Christmas present. Same bloke had visited me in hospital nearly every day when I was in a bind...... I hadn't forgotten that.
If we put on a gathering at our place; it's not unusual to have 50 or 60 cars parked up our driveway (most we've ever had is 76)....... not all British; it's usually a real cosmopolitan mix. Problem now though is I am slowing down. I often make excuses for not wanting to go out. Don't mean to be disrespectful to our hosts.......... I'm usually just too knackered. I'm glad the Hyde Park changed hands or shut down....... missis kept dragging me off down there to dance to live rock n' roll bands....... I'm too old for that caper.
As long as they're not 'oity-toity' ............ I get on with everyone.
We struggled with 3 babes in arms when we first arrived (they are all over 6 foot now ...... I'm about 5'-6" and the wife is 5' nothing so don't know where the height came from?)........ and it was hard to mix in at first.
I found that no-one wanted to know us at school cos we were out of work it was really snobby at East Wanneroo pre-primary....... and I mean really really snobby....the mums were up themselves.... think everyone was called Jones in those days and we couldn't keep up wiv em due to our circumstances.
We had a crap old banger van, a crap house which was falling to bits and had a leaking roof (really got conned into buying that old heap of rubbish!)...... try as we may, neither of us could get a job ... in those days there was definitely a stigma attached to the great unemployed. Annoyingly; that was the first time ever I had been unemployed.
Once we got on our feet which took us a few years; wow..... did things change or what? After many years of hard work and effort....... we have cracked it and have got well and truly on our feet.......... and the ones who didn't want to know us when we were down and out .......... well I have a long memory and they can all pogue mahone!!!
We treat everyone the same ......... we're not bothered how much money they have ......... or how little ....... it's none of our business? We get a great deal of pleasure out of helping people. Last Christmas I gave a real good friend of ours a car as he had fallen on hard times.... he couldn't believe it. He'd just got a new job after being unemployed for years........ he borrowed his daughter's old bomb only to have a yellow sticker put on it by the cops. He needed transport for work........ so that was his Christmas present. Same bloke had visited me in hospital nearly every day when I was in a bind...... I hadn't forgotten that.
If we put on a gathering at our place; it's not unusual to have 50 or 60 cars parked up our driveway (most we've ever had is 76)....... not all British; it's usually a real cosmopolitan mix. Problem now though is I am slowing down. I often make excuses for not wanting to go out. Don't mean to be disrespectful to our hosts.......... I'm usually just too knackered. I'm glad the Hyde Park changed hands or shut down....... missis kept dragging me off down there to dance to live rock n' roll bands....... I'm too old for that caper.
As long as they're not 'oity-toity' ............ I get on with everyone.
Good post John
Sep 12th 2007, 3:02 am
#55
Gutter Gob!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 13,098
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
Haven't read the rest of this thread but yes i agree Jules
I've met a few 'poms' that were more interested in whether what i had was bigger or better than theirs! so i don't bother with them now, more to life and all that!
and yes the aussie's that i know don't give a rat's arse what we've got or not got! they like me/us for being just me/us!
Personally i couldn't give a shit what someone else has, i'm fairly happy with what i've got if they're not thats their problem!
I've met a few 'poms' that were more interested in whether what i had was bigger or better than theirs! so i don't bother with them now, more to life and all that!
and yes the aussie's that i know don't give a rat's arse what we've got or not got! they like me/us for being just me/us!
Personally i couldn't give a shit what someone else has, i'm fairly happy with what i've got if they're not thats their problem!
Sep 12th 2007, 3:08 am
#56
Where I want to be
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: In my own head
Posts: 3,220
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
Still, I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone has or doesn't have, where they live or don't, what they drive or how big or new this or that is.
If they are nice to me I will be nice to them, they don't have to be my best friend and I don't want to live in anyones pocket or vice versa, but it would be nice to be able to go out for a coffee once in a while with a like minded person.
Sep 12th 2007, 3:10 am
#57
Australian Citizen
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Elsternwick/Melbourne
Posts: 7,810
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
I don't live in a big house,.. I live in an apartment in a cool area
My friends that I have are real friends, that I regularly see, and don't wait for a formal invitation.
What's pissed me off recently is newcomers who were in touch, and who I met with on a few occasions...then dropped me once settled. (If they didn't like me ...fair enough, but why meet me a second time + ?)
Sep 12th 2007, 3:15 am
#58
Gutter Gob!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 13,098
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
There's food for thought (not for you for me) cos I don't have many friends either
Still, I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone has or doesn't have, where they live or don't, what they drive or how big or new this or that is.
If they are nice to me I will be nice to them, they don't have to be my best friend and I don't want to live in anyones pocket or vice versa, but it would be nice to be able to go out for a coffee once in a while with a like minded person.
Still, I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone has or doesn't have, where they live or don't, what they drive or how big or new this or that is.
If they are nice to me I will be nice to them, they don't have to be my best friend and I don't want to live in anyones pocket or vice versa, but it would be nice to be able to go out for a coffee once in a while with a like minded person.
Sep 12th 2007, 3:16 am
#59
Gutter Gob!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 13,098
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
I have a job that doesn't pay great...but I love
I don't live in a big house,.. I live in an apartment in a cool area
My friends that I have are real friends, that I regularly see, and don't wait for a formal invitation.
What's pissed me off recently is newcomers who were in touch, and who I met with on a few occasions...then dropped me once settled. (If they didn't like me ...fair enough, but why meet me a second time + ?)
I don't live in a big house,.. I live in an apartment in a cool area
My friends that I have are real friends, that I regularly see, and don't wait for a formal invitation.
What's pissed me off recently is newcomers who were in touch, and who I met with on a few occasions...then dropped me once settled. (If they didn't like me ...fair enough, but why meet me a second time + ?)
Sep 12th 2007, 3:16 am
#60
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: WAS, stourbridge w.mids NOW Waikiki, W.A.Hear almost 3 yrs.and still loving it.
Posts: 753
Re: Do you find people 'flakey' here?
ohhhhhhhhh dear....................sorry to hear u guys have had some bad experiences....i`ll be there,
(look forward to meeting up with u "jules and co")
?
Claire
xxxxx