knockoff nige

From what I've read, it is in this case. Which generates more stress than letting it go.

Dreamy

I don't really think that TE withdrawing her voluntary offer of largesse constitutes desiring revenge. Revenge would be endeavouring to do everything she could to ruin his life.

It's all semantics, anyway. Unless you're TE

Cape Blue

Sorry to hear your news TE, never much fun splitting-up and worse when you find out you have been lied to & cheated upon.

Bermudashorts

I am not sure how anything you have read on this thread could be interpreted as revenge. Not wishing to finanically prop up a cheating husband / ex-husband is surely not revenge is it??

Post from Hino sound promising, if this is still true then it sounds fair enough.

knockoff nige

I disagree

EvannTel

When I divorced in UK in 2002, despite bringing significantly more to the table and not being the lie at fault, with both working and no kids, we ended up 50:50. This is where we were told we would end up.
UK is also on fault sadly.
From my experience, negotiate a settlement, getting it legally sanctioned to prevent further recourse and move on.
The future is going to be a brighter place and the sooner and easier you get there with this behind you the better. He may nt be entitled legally or morally but money ain't everything, just get it over with at minal emotional cost to yourself.

knockoff nige

Bingo. I doubt there would be much satisfaction in the end after all the stress the OP would actually be bringing on herself. Not a dig, just a thought.

Turban Explorer

Before I left the marital boat in June - giving him a year to live on it rent free (I am still paying maintenance and insurance for it) as he is working I bought him a car and gave him 20k to sort himself out.

He's spent 7 years living on my money as we've been sailing and prior to that he lived with me in Islington rent free as well. I can't see any desire to get revenge on him. I just want to say enough is enough and I don't want to be exploited anymore.

Why do you care so much Nige? Are you my ex in disguise!!?

eddie007

You appear to have been extremely generous... And I don't blame you in any way for wanting to cut off the blood sucking leech....

Just one question.....
Will you marry me

knockoff nige

Ha no. You'll have to forgive my ignorance. I'm only making observations. But I also say what I said because I think you might be giving yourself more stress than you need. If you accepted giving up some money originally for the separation, put it down to an unforeseeable error and move on. Surely the best outcome is to have them completely out of your life?

Just my opinion based on very little information.

bitzenpces

I'd have to agree with Eddie, you've been very generous and supportive (in more than just a financial sense). It is well-documented that in general males earn much more than females in Australia, so you need to remember to factor that into your thinking, if you haven't already. Females are not building up their super funds in a way that is sustainable with enjoyable retirement.

PS: my favourite TV program in 2012 was Revenge.

slapphead_otool

Room for one more freeloader?

Sorry to hear your news. Cant offer any advice.

TiddlyPom

Sigh. Sorry to hear this TE.
How it works. If you have assets which you bring to the marriage and which you possessed before you met, then they belong to you. There is no claim which he has on those.
Whilst you were married, if you purchased assets, then these assets should be split.
Under Australian law, you can claim up to 65% of an asset if you feel you have mitigating circumstances... for example, you are not as well off and your future circumstances will be affected, or perhaps you have less working life left, or if you are a parent who is having more care of the children or indeed if you supported Mr TE by purchasing all of these things and you can prove that and he accepts it.

All the costs of him living on the boat will be taken into account... so if it is your boat and you've allowed him to live there, saving him 10K in one year, then that 10K will be entered into the final accounting and given back to you. Also with bills. You don't pay for him once you're split.
The money you spent supporting him will be taken into account, plus the car and everything else you did for him. That was your money before you got married.

Regarding letters of intent or whatever. Things signed in the UK will generally not be legal here... However, saying that, if it is an email and you can't really prove where it was agreed upon, then this may have some sway with the magistrate. The thing is that all property settlements have to be seen by the magistrate to be fair and equal. It's no good turning up there and saying 'He said he doesn't want anything so that's the agreement' because the magistrate will want to see how that doesn't economically affect the other party. This removes the 'revenge' aspect of the proceedings and ensures one party isn't screwed over.
It's not a matter of 'feeling good will' or not because Australia has 'no fault divorce' as others have mentioned.
An actual prenup has to be in writing and signed by both parties... so if you want to make the case that the emails are in fact a pre nup, then that could be tricky, but do check with a solicitor.
If he says they were made under duress, then they're irrelevant.

What you could do is either use the CCJ for some mediation, and agree how to split things, or you need to do it through a solicitor... which will be a shuttle mediation in a court side room. Either way, it's done through mediation. All asset goes into a big pot and you decide between you how to split it. No decision and the court will decide. Courts will follow the law, so remember to choose your battles wisely.


That's not entirely correct. Whilst he is entitled to something according to need, TE does not have to support him. Spousal maintenance is not a given in Australia and is not seen as an obligation. He can support himself, the assets that were jointly bought will be split unless he claims he doesn't want them... and if TE can prove that she mainly supported him through everything, then the majority will swing her way... (up to 65% as mentioned)

Under English law, one or other parties can claim much more than 65%! It's therefore wise to divorce under Australian law simply because if he's going to attempt to rip you off, you'll lose less.
Yes of course you can divorce under English law if you want. The only advantage to doing this is that you'll be divorced in 8-12 weeks in theory, but England doesn't have no fault divorce. There are 5 reasons to get divorced in England, which are:
Adultery
Unreasonable behaviour
Desertion
Two years' separation with consent
Five years' separation without consent.

Because you have to present one of these first three in your case, it's highly likely that your ex could decide that you've been unreasonable too and decide to defend it and issue his own petition for divorce ... which then is a costly and expensive way to divorce. In whole, without being contested, a divorce in England can take 4-5 months, which can be faster than Aus but trickier.
Depends on whether he's going to be reasonable... what do you think?


Excellent advice - see an Aus solicitor.
You don't have to go to the UK to divorce there. You can divorce under English law whilst remaining in Australia. Look up 'expat divorce' on the web and lots of companies will do it for you via the web without you having to leave the country.

Please remember that a solicitor is only interested in releasing you from your money... so it's better to do this through simple mediation if you can and present the property settlement to the magistrate in the most fair and equitable way and then go your own way and chalk it down to bad choice and move on. Some things in life are worth fighting for and others truly are not.

Hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

TiddlyPom

Forgot to add... inheritance... if you or him have had them, then you get to keep yours, he gets to keep his. They're not a splittable asset.
Also, you split your super and give 50% to him and he splits his and gives you 50%.

OR if you're like my ex husband, despite repeated requests you can just wait until the year has gone by in which you're meant to do a property settlement, ignore all requests and never do one. Then get divorced!