Re: DIVORCE.
 

Sorry to hear you are going through all this s***.I was married to an aussie,and living in Oz when we separated.We struck a deal out of court and I thought that was the end of my woes.Unfortunately it was'nt.After I moved to the UK,I filed for divorce.The solicitor told me it was easy enough to do from this end.Unfortunately my ex OH decided to be awkward and not sign the papers.I had to write my reasons for divorcing and he did'nt agree with them.I only told the truth.In the end my solicitor had to hire an aussie private detective to serve my ex the papers.Very costly and time consuming because everytime he went to serve them,my OH was out!!!!My ex OH paid nothing towards the divorce which cost me thousands.Ironically he keeps trying to contact me(our divorce was over 10 years ago)by email lately.Have I replied?You've got to be joking!!!!:rofl::thumbdown:

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Bernie - this divorce isn't costing you anything except grief - sign the papers and move on with your life.

I understand your desire to make it difficult for her, but is it worth dragging it out for a fleeting feeling of revenge?

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Those of you men that automatically assume that women always try to "take men to the cleaners" really make me laugh.

Admittedly a few do - I know a woman who has done very nicely out of several divorces and broken relationships despite having no kids to provide for.

However like others here I walked away with only my dignity and started again. I let myself be made out as the bad bitch for the sake of peace and to preserve his reputation among our many mutual friends and colleagues, and still only a handful of people know just what I put up with before I realised I needed to get out with my sanity (almost) intact.

So please, guys, less of the stereotyping based on your own shit choice in women.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

My advice is this: Do what is best for you. Sounds to me like you are going to get slagged whatever you do, so you might as well suit yourself.

The feeling of bitterness goes eventually provided you let it go. By not signing the papers you will probably find that this situation doesn't go away quickly. However, if the situation isn't bothering you then its matters not a jot. However, if it does affect you and then think again, how much hurt should someone put themselves through?

Em x

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Yes indeed! :thumbup: Not all of us want to clear out the bank accounts! :thumbdown:

Em x

Re: DIVORCE.
 

It cost me over GBP100,000 to get rid of the vile cheating lying piece of dirt that I had the good sense not to marry, but not enough sense not to put his name on the property I owned - and yet still I was 'the ugly boring bitch who ruined his life'

It would have been worth every penny not to have anything to do with him again (ahhh if only that had been the case - thank God for Australia where he doesn't know where I am! :D)

It always makes me laugh when women are unilaterally labelled gold diggers in a divorce settlement :)

Re: DIVORCE.
 

This is not directed at any individual but if it was "man" bashing would anyone have complained?

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I would stick up for anybody I thought was getting a bad deal.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I complain all the time about sweeping generalisations no matter who they're aimed at :D

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Ha very interesting thread that I am sure will run on for a while !

I am in a similar situation at the minute, have decided that the only way forward is a consent order ASAP in the best interests of us both !

My situation is very complicated and very very few people know the extents of it b ut I know that I am doing the right thing, I dont give a flying fook what lies she is spreading / insinuating about me because i have my dignity and know for sure that in the long run when the kids are old enough that I will still be able to hold my head high and justify my recent actions !

I hope it all works out as you expect


Dougie

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Bernie,in NSW, this is how it works: if you don't sign them, but they've been served on you, the service papers will be delivered back to the court. This is the proof that you've seen the papers and know what's going on.
Who served the papers on you? A process server? Or did they come in the mail?
Your wife will go to court for a hearing (if she chooses to attend) and the magistrate will ask if the papers were served... there's got to be a certain amount of time, usually about 8 weeks in between the papers being served and the court date.
IF the magistrate is happy the papers have been served, he or she may delay the actual divorce by several more weeks to wait for a response from you. If there's no response, the magistrate will grant her a divorce on the basis you are non responsive and you will be alerted by post to tell you what's happened.
Presumably it will be similar in your state.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Bloody hell! :ohmy: good ol' internet forums aye?! lol!

Em x

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I forgot to add, Bernie, you have a year after your divorce is granted to do your property settlement, so whilst you may want to just leave it all behind now, it may well be that in the future, you may reconsider.
Be aware of that. :)

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Likewise. And I have to say that in Bernie's case she has treated him like cr*p. Its not a question of bashing, he genuinely has had a very raw end of the whole deal, even without bringing any financial settlement into it.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Well in that case I would suggest that Bernie should take her to the cleaners. Then donate the proceeds to charity.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Who exactly is this "they"?
Very well said. It's not only women who manipulate and have no qualms about taking the other partner for everything.
That's fine and if that's the case then Bernie certainly has every right to be bitter. However I think the problem a lot of us have is the sweeping generalisations about all women only being interested in everything we can get. Sorry to say, but Bernie's not the only person (male or female) who has been treated badly by a former partner.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Hmmm how many people here understand why Bernie doesnt want anything from this.... it's more than just bitterness, its about rebuilding his future the way he wants to.... with no links to the past.

At least that the way I see it..... I think I would be the same.


Sorry to get involved B.... Correct me If I'm wrong.


.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Yes more likely 7 years though, thats the average for real grief I've been told. Still those next 7 years are going to be really important eh ;)

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Very well said and spot on.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Well this thread is turning interesting:lol: Thanks for all the suggestions and support,i will give them some thought,now dont you lot squabble anymore:rofl:

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Just one further morsel as food for thought. The most likely time you will regret not being more assertive at this time, will be at a very happy point in the future.

There are bound to be happy times ahead as well. Although I've got to admit it's debatable whether you will regret your current actions.... possibly not is a real likelyhood, especially considering your caring profession, which to my mind equates to higher moral values.

Best of luck :thumbup:

Re: DIVORCE.
 

My response was aimed more at the boys circling the wagons, Pol. I don't know enough about Bernie's specific situation to comment, and I probably wouldn't comment on an open forum anyway.

Squabble over you, Bernie? Admit it, you love it!

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Probably cheered him up no end :lol:

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I think these comments might come under the 'caustic' heading.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I'm not caustic, I'm just from Yorkshire :lol:

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I concur. Labelling women as succubusses due to a bad experience is wrong.
It is understandable though and please give the wee man some leeway!!

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I couldn't be caustic if I tried!!

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I don't think either of those comments were caustic... :confused:

Em x

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Didn't think mine was but I'm obviously wrong :lol:

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:unsure: who the hell knows? :p

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Hmmm probably more Astringent or acerbic would have been a better handle.

:p

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I thought i told you lot to stop squabbling and Kporte less of the 'wee man':sneaky:

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Average height man doesn't have the same ring! Anyway my life is crap so I'll say what I like!

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Can't you read ffs? :rolleyes:

...under his username????????

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I was but I wouldn't be much help as I was a prosecutor. FWIW I would just sign the papers. Until it is finalised you can't move on and it is like a heavy cloud hanging overhead. Anger and bitterness are such a waste of energy and emotions and make the person not very nice company to be around if it eats away at them too much. Shake yourself down, sign the papers, hold your head in the air with shoulders back and walk away with pride.

Re: DIVORCE.
 

take half her money off her lol. that'll sort it out lol
or she can pay for your lawyer to have the papers signed;)

Re: DIVORCE.
 

I aint paying for shit pal:thumbdown:

Re: DIVORCE.
 

thats why you tell her you want half. she will pay for it. then you can walk away happy;)

Re: DIVORCE.
 

You do not have to pay for anything.
Under Australian law, the only type of divorce is 'No fault divorce'.

This means, regardless of behaviour of either person, the assets, money etc are all put into a pot and split between the two. It matters not whether one person has had it tough or not.
Anything you bought into the marriage with you, stays with you. Anything they bought, stays with them. Inheritance money and goods belong to the person whom inherited it.
If one partner is deemed to have a reduced lifestyle because of the divorce, then that person can claim up to 65% of the split. For example, if a mother gave up her job to look after children at home and the ex partner earns a shite load of money... that sort of thing.

Regardless of whether you bought nothing into the marriage, you supported and earned money and therefore, you are entitled to 50% of the house, goods etc.
To not claim these out of a misguided sense of pride is daft. You don't know what's round the corner and you don't know when you might need money or goods. It costs a lot of money to set up a new life and this has to be taken into consideration.

Oz said correctly, that the time you will feel you should have claimed is the time in the future when you're feeling really good about yourself. I can't stress enough that you really need to do this legally and get it over and done with. It's part of moving on.

You do not have to hire a lawyer to do any of this. The court in Australia prefers you to have a mediation session first. Your local family relationships centre is the place you go for this. If you are the applicant, you have two sessions in interview with the mediator. They then decide how to proceed.

If you've been the subject of domestic abuse (verbal abuse, name calling, shouting, intimidation, having your support networks cut out from underneath you such as your friends being told untruths about you) then you can be given an exemption certificate and then you can apply to the court to sort it out for you.
If there's no abuse and you are happy to mediate, then your mediator will help split everything up, draw up the paperwork and you're done.
You pay an amount according to how much you actually earn, so if you're a low income, then you pay less.

It's much more sensible and stops the situation ending up in court... so be careful what you choose so it doesn't bite you on the bum later. Good luck with whatever you choose.

http://www.legalaid.qld.gov.au/Legal...+law+works.htm

Re: DIVORCE.
 

Good advice, TP :thumbup:

I understand (and take my hat off to) your good intentions Bernie, but you need to think long and hard before you decide to exit your marriage with nothing. While I fortunately havent been in an "exit marriage" situation myself, I have been in a situation where I've made what I considered at the time to be an honourable/dignified decision which placed me at financial disadvantage. The outcome of that was I was subsequently screwed over by the other parties. My point is don't expect to be treated in the same way by others because it won't necessarily happen. And if your "ex to be" has behaved in a less than honest/honourable way in the past then you have no reason to expect that she'll do anything other than that once you've given her what she wants. Sorry to waffle on :rolleyes::o

Good luck mate.