I feel like a very bad mother. DD didn't get to be a prefect, and I'm really disappointed. It was done by voting from the senior girls, and obviously DD is not one of the popular ones, being a bit quirky. She also didn't get music captain, and so will have no school offices to add to her uni applications. She was also not quite good enough to make the IGSSA team (due to broken foot) earlier this year, and has since struggled with swimming. She was not quite good enough to get a scholarship either, or to be leader of the cello section, even though she is the only one to turn up to all the rehearsals. She wasn't good enough to get a solo in the musical, even though the teacher in charge had said she should get a part.

She hasn't lived up to all her early promise, or what the teachers have said, yet despite this is still a cheerful and loving child who is intelligent and caring, so why am I being so nasty as to think this?

hmm.

Seems to me that when you say you are really disappointed, what you actually mean is that you are (1) a little disappointed that your daughter might not have done well enough/ "achieved" enough. (2) a little annoyed at her teachers and the senior girls for not picking her (3) a little annoyed at yourself. (4) a little concerned about your daughter's feelings, hoping that she isn't upset at all.

If that's the case, you certainly aren't being nasty to think any of these things.

Is it too late to have her adopted?

Don't feel bad, if you had my daughter then you would feel really shit!!

You know what they say, you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear....as long as she is happy then no worries

Hey don't take it too bad, she sounds like a female version of me when I was at school, and I turned out great.

Empathy. I like it.

Wow that sounds very democratic. Back in the Stalag Luft I went to prefects were selected like guards, and yes! I was a prefect with a little shiny red badge and the power to throw people out the library!

Genetics will out.

For the uni you can always invent a club that she is head of....

Someone said to me once that every parent should have the right to throw away their first child because of all the mistakes they make as parents.

Probably doesn't help, thought I'd share.

Being a prefect, or being in the IGSSA team or being a leader of the cello section - these are all seemingly 'elite' groups/clubs invented by the teachers. They wont assure her future or aid her change into a well balanced kind, caring adult.

However - I quote you on 'a cheerful and loving child who is intelligent and caring' - now these are qualities that she has within herself - taught/influenced by you and qualities that are far superior and better than the team stuff/prefect issues.

Qualities that so many parents would wish for their children and are the foundations to have as she grows into an adult.

And for that reason alone you should be so proud you should be singing from the rooftops. In fact, pick a day that you can take her out and treat her purely for being her and for the person she is.

Being in whatever team or being a prefect? You dont have to be a decent person to do that.

Your daughter is decent, kind and thoughtful without having to be in a club to do it.

Einstein was kicked out of one school because they didn't think his maths was good enough. What I think really happened was that he was way ahead of his teachers and they didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Many famous and successful people have had a bad start at school but they overcome it.

We got the school reports cards today.Eldest did very well so happy there.She does work hard though but of course there is always room for improvement.Youngest did ok,not too bad.He does have to concentrate a bit more though.He got 36% in Religion. !!!Thank God he doesn't want to be a priest.

Politics is a popularity contest... starts in school, goes on into real life.
Screw politics. All she has to do is do her best and achieve her best for herself and sod all the rest of it.
This year isn't her year, so what... plenty more where that came from. We can't all succeed all the time and kids have to learn this.

Perhaps she'll have a change in herself and push a little more for what's hers next year. Good luck to her.

I hate this American style of schooling, captain of this, leader of that. Its all bollocks to rate your children on what 'label' they get. And competitive parents who boast and push their children are worse.

Our children will grow up to be intelligent and know how to earn a living. Couldnt careless if they were a prefect or captain of the tiddly wink team..