Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Well it's only April and I am already dreading Christmas. My MIL has started muttering about coming to visit us. Feel there is only a very small window of opportunity (possibly a week) to fend her off before she books flights. I can't think of an excuse so clearly the only option is for us to escape and go away ourselves, so theres a couple of grand down the drain. Does anyone else dread visitors from the UK?? How do you cope??

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

get on with ya...ya miserable bugger surly you can put up with her for a week.

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Agreed, how bad can she be?

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Oh how I would love visits of just a week or two or even ONE month .... my visitors stay for 3 or 6 months at a time ... so count ya blessings :D

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

We've got my mother-in-law coming from Australia for mothers day (it's also her birthday that day). Her sister and my father-in-law's sister are coming from the UK on the same day - all here for two weeks. Can't wait, it will be a blast showing the old girls around and having them giggling over a glass of wine by the pool every night. My kids don't see enough family - they have one grandmother alive and it will be great for them.

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

No no, I mean I only have a week between now and when she books the flights to come up with an excuse....they usually stay for at least 4 months?!

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Do what we did when my mother in law wanted to visit. Ask her where she plans to stay. Offer to look into a short term furnished place so she will be able to do her own cooking and laundry considering she will be over for so long.

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I know what you mean,my four year old misses her grandparents so much that she will be so excited when her nanny and granddad come for two weeks in October then another two weeks at their other sons.The problem I will have is getting the two older ones to come out with us some of the time.

I guess though two weeks is a bit different from months!Sue.

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Nice answer,

And if that dont work just move out yourself for a few months make it out to be a jesture of good will.

And if that dont work try sticking hot needles in your eyes, it would be less painfull and then explain that you simply dont have the room to accomadate them as you need your space due to your new sight problems.


HTH


Dougie :p

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

FOUR MONTHS!!!!!:eek::eek::eek:

Move & don't leave a forwarding address!:D

Seriously, Dorothy's idea of a short term let is a good one!

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Here's a plan:

1) Tell her that to fly in for Xmas is just too darn expensive. Insist she come after 3rd Jan, and then you will do a second Xmas on 12th Night in her honour. Remind her how much the kids will love her for causing two Xmasses. This will a) chop a week or two off her visit b) allow you to have your Xmas your way.

2) As your Xmas present to her, book her on a 2-3week seniors coach tour that leaves and departs from your city - after all, it's such a shame for her to come all this way and see nothing of Australia, right? Get this to start about 2 weeks, or as many as you can think you can stand, after she has arrived.

3) Make sure she has her hair done and perhaps some new togs and perfume to go with on the coach trip.

4) Hope to God there are some randy old bachelors on the trip.........

5) Welcome her back home for another 2-3 weeks. Encourage her to talk about her holiday romance; remark how wonderful it would be to see her loved up and secure as she comes into old age.

6) You are now 6-8 weeks in to her trip. Ask her to babysit while you two go away for a week(end).

7) Only two months ago - I'm out of ideas. But hopefully you'll be wedding planning for her..........

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Thanks for all the suggestions guys. The short term let and the coach trip sound like winners. It's ridiculous isn't it, part of my reasons to come over here was to escape all the family drama-ramas but it seems nowhere is safe. And don't even get me started on the expense - the last visit I think we only got 2 offers to chip in for drinks/food and they were here for 8 weeks. I'm sure I saw a moth fly out of my MILs purse when she was leaving :rofl:

Thanks again

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

I don't know about the MIL, it's my FIL I can't stand!!!! He is a flippin' nightmare!

Rudi

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

I could not cope with 4 months - that's crazy :eek: In the last four months I've had the inlaws for 2 months and my Mum for 5 weeks - so I feel your pain. Thankfully, next time the inlaws come out, they're staying in an apartment in the city -- yee hah :thumbsup:

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Sounds like you really need to set ground rules & get your OH to do it. They are his parents after all!

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

I'm right there with you!

My parents are at the end of a 3 month stint here. We fell out 2 weeks ago over something really silly and they stopped speaking to my husband. Now are barely back on speaking terms. I think it happened mainly because they have been here for too long. Just had other family here for 2 weeks and they were great - 2 weeks was fine. Over 1 month is too much for us. They're already planning to come back next year but will have to stay somewhere else.

Then last night my mil told us they're coming for 2 months arriving at the end of may. Going away for 1 week to Melbourne/Sydney. We were expecting them just to stay for 1 month which I think we could manage.

They won't hire a car as too nervous to drive, can't walk far as fil hip is bad so only thing left is to sit in our house for the whole time?! I will feel that I'll have to give them lifts everywhere. Husband is going to try to get them to change flights. Oh and flights - they'll be arriving at 12.30am so husband is going to have to pick them up and somehow work the next day.

I know it'll be lovely to see them and we all want to but I don't think they realise how disruptive it is (to come for such a long time) Especially when you're trying to settle in and make friends - haven't really been able to invite people over since January. Well I suppose we'll have one month to do as much socialising as we can before the in laws arrive

This is what put me off emigrating in the first place! At least when we're back in the UK next year they won't be all landing on our doorstep - funny how popular you become when you live somewhere sunny!

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

4 months:eek::eek:Stuff that you're on your own

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Have my family. None of them have come out, regardless of promises before we left, but hey, we've only been here 3 1/2 years :blink:

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It is very odd that from reading this thread that some families tell you when they are coming and how long they are staying,why don't they ask first?No wonder some people are fed up:ohmy:

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

I'm laughing reading this thread. My in laws almost killed me coming to visit blighty every summer from Australia. They would march in from May to september and run the whole Bl**dy household. They would even ring up my family and tell them they couldnt come down for a visit today cuz they were feeling a little tired and wouldnt like visitors :curse:
Anyway after a few years of that when my visa came through I panicked at the thought of them being down the road 24 / 7 and said hang on sweet you go and I'll stay back and sell the house just as the whole market tanked . Anyway long story short took a year to sell the bloody thing and almost had a nervous breakdown. Turns out having them down the road is less bother they dont march in like they own the place and we're all luvvvy duvvy. So in conclusion having them visit for ec#xtended periods is the worst. No one is in a natural space and you want to rip each other to pieces.

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Seriously, it's your house and you say who comes to stay and for how long. If you don't think you can handle 4 months of them then just say so before they come and make things very uncomfortable for you and your family.

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I've just been having a bloody good laugh at this thread because it brought back memories of when I was married to my first husband.His parents were fine,no problems.It was his sister and her husband!I never liked them from the first time we met:D The brother in law?Well!he had been on disability pension for years with a "bad"back,but hey that never stopped the guy fitting car engines in his spare time,fishing,lugging heavy furniture ect.The sister was a pain in the ass,and to top it off they had the most obnoxious brat of a kid you could imagine!Anyway we moved up country,about an hour's drive from where they lived.(This was in Adelaide).The phone would ring,OH would answer it,I'd hear him say "yeah ok see you in an hour"?So then me and the kids would head out of the house (on foot,no drivers license back then unfortunately :D).I'd time it so we left the house 15 mins before they arrived,we'd stay out for a couple of hours,and return when they left.Even our dog used to be nudging his lead in panic when we'd get that phone call and we'd take the dog with us too!Ah thank god I divorced the guy and no longer have to put up with them.Hey thats an idea?No!forget I even suggested that one!;)

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Definitely get your husband to address this with her, it's much better coming from the son than DIL, believe me. You need to have set rules with all your houseguests IMO, perhaps you can tell her you have a set time-frame for all visitors, and if she wishes to stay longer then you'll look into cheap accommodation close by. Four months is way too long and very intrusive IMO, we're moving to Canada soon and there's no way anyone is staying with us for 4 months!! You need to set serious boundaries on this one. Good luck!

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

For those of you wanting your visitors to stay independantly, have you thought about a house swap?

http://www.homeforexchange.com

Use the website to find some swappers in your area, see if they want to go to your visitor's home at the right time, and if so - hey presto!

(I've not done it, so this is a suggestion rather than a recommendation.)

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

my in laws are a nightmare - i end up cooking ,cleaning , bossed about by them

they make cups of tea for them and hubby - but use all the water so i dont get a cup of coffee

they over ride me with the kids - i will say no and fil says oh they are alright

they take them down the beach even if its cold and raining ! when i have told them not to

they want there sheets washed everyother day - and mil was horrified when i said i dont wash sheets every other day i do it once a week!

if i am going out with kids i am asked where iam going and withwhom and what time i will be back

when i get back i get the 3rd degree - who what how much do they earn what do they do ???????????

they wanted to come over for easter but we manged to stop them by saying come ov er in november for the kids birthdays
we also said it would be a good time - as the baby we were expecting would have been in routine

since i have lost the baby my mil is muttering about coming over in july ??

god help me - i wanted to kill them by the end of holiday they were here


the funny thing is is my mil said while i was in blighty - i think the most you can stay as a house guest is 5 days after that you ware out your invite - but seems to have forgotton this - as they have never stayed in a rental always with me and my working hubby !

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

I agree, a one month (or less) maximum visit duration.

And buy a house where the guest room actually doubles as the garage - that should put them off. :D

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Yes! That's what my sister-in-law does, too! She did it last year AND again this year. We've now told her she must pick a flight that arrives in the day time.

She is a teacher and no way could she survive a day in front of her class on 4 hours sleep. Why do it to us???

Even better: her return flight was due to land at Heathrow at 3.30pm. A friend was picking her up. SIL said that was o.k. because it was 3.30pm but any later and she would have booked a taxi!

So, she thinks it's an imposition to get her friend to the airport any later than 3.30pm but getting us to the airport at 1am is fine and dandy???!!!

Thankfully she isn't coming next year.

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Totally with all of you on this one. My parents here for 3 months coming to the end now thank goodness. Only to receive a call from mil to say she will be out in november for 3 months! Not too bad though - as my parents will be back in Feb 10 for 3 months! AAAAAAGGGH. Taking the cowards way out and wait until they return home and then tell them it is too long. We will never have a summer as a family here.

What I would like to know though is how come others stay for 4 months?....what type of visa? ...thought that the longest was 3 month stay.

As you can see don't want visitors to stay longer....just curious.

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

4 months oh Jesus:eek::eek:

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Heeheehee - good suggestion,now you'll have everyone thinking!

My in laws are all really cool, funny, extremely witty & down to earth people, typical glaswegians, so i'll have no probs with them coming to stay, also good thing is they will take their turn to cook and clean and help - think they are comin in Feb, cant wait! I have my mum, her boyfriend and my sis coming on the 5th december for a month - yikes - i fear for my sanity - they are gonna drive me bonkers!

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

I couldn't cope with that, i'd end up in an asylum :eek: - either that or kill them all off one by one! - now there's a solution! :thumbup:

Did i suggest that?

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

my in laws do this too - my hubby had to take them to airport for a late night flight - he gets up at 5 am for work and the other one is the get here at 2 pm and expect hubby to pick them up when he is working - why cant they get a taxi ?

they got very upset last time - they were flying home at 1pm and wanted hubby to take them to the airport - when hubby said he couldn't as he would be at work and couldn't take the time off - fil said - well if we met you in perth cbd you could disapear for 1 hr to take us to the airport - hubby said no he could not


they ended up getting a taxi !

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Rellies can be so demanding and aren't aware of the stress they can administer.

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

3 months stay is with the electronic visa. You can do a paper application for a 6 months and a 12 months visitors visa as well. Make sure you don't let that one slip in front of your parents/in-laws ... :sneaky:

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Or the parental visa,i will swing for anyone that tells my inlaws about that as they now have 50% of their children here:curse:

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

think i will keep that one to my self ;)

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

Tell her if she stays more than three days you'll divorce her son and she'll never see her grandchildren again.

That'll fix it.

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

i have never married or will ever marry her son x:rofl: bit harsh about the grandkids though as they are her only ones she has

Re: Coping with mother-in-laws
 

How can she be a mother in law if you haven't married her son? She must be a mother out law.

Even better. The threat carries even more weight.

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hee hee hee :D