Having a really, really shitty time of it lately. Everything that could go wrong has and I'm feeling really down..

So, what crappy jokes have you heard lately?

Sorry to hear you're feeling bad - I'm sure things will get better. How's this..........

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really p****d.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday!

So when the ark landed Noah said to the animals "Go forth and multiply".

When all the animals but 2 snakes had gone, Noah asked "What's the problem?"

"We're Adders".

Took me a little longer than it should have to get that one

Opps heres the Joke...

There was a Kiwi farmer and an Aussie farmer on a International Farming exchange to swap ideas and all that stuff.
So there they are walking aling the South Island high country sheep station when they come across a stuck Ewe.
"Woah now!!" says the Kiwi, eyeing up the sheep with her head stuck in the lower part of the fence, and her bum seductivly swaying back and forward as she tries to get out.
"Now I don't know about you Aussies, but we Kiwis dont let an oppurtunity go past like this!" The Aussie looks confused and asks what he means.
"Watch and learn mate" and the Kiwi drops his pant and pounces on the sheep, He really deals to it, and gives it a damm good thrashing! Fully spent the Kiwi gets of the sheep, pulls his pants up, wipes his face to get rid of the sweat and says "wow! that was great!.....hmmmm what about you mate? What do ya reckon?" The Aussie looks the sheep up and down, and states " yeah! why not!!" So he pulls his pants down.....and bends over and sticks his head in the fence

What's brown and sticky?

a stick.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick!

What's green and hard?

A frog with a flick-knife.

What do you call and aardvark in a leather jacket?

A well aardvark.

A bloke was driving along and dying for a wee grabbed an empty drinks can and relieved himself.

A few minutes later the police stopped him and asked him what was in the can.

He was charged with possession.....





of cannapiss!!!

Well it cheered me up!

Try this.........

May the fleas of
a thousand camels
infest the crutch of the person
who screws up your day
and
may their arms be too short to scratch...

AMEN

I forgot how funny you could be.

I have my moments! Used to have that one on the wall in the office

Or how about.....

I tried to give you K for that, but I have to spread it around apparently