bars open what you having?
Apr 16th 2007, 11:50 pm
#1294
Account Closed
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 16,652
Re: bars open what you having?
hey guys , i gotta pop out .
want me to leave you some funnies ?
want me to leave you some funnies ?
Apr 16th 2007, 11:50 pm
#1295
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: U.K. still!!
Posts: 1,503
Re: bars open what you having?
Bugger got to go the thought police have just arrived.......you guys have a good day and I hope to catch up again soon.
Freespirit..............bye for now!!
Freespirit..............bye for now!!
Apr 16th 2007, 11:50 pm
#1296
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Location: in the Sydney asylum
Posts: 20,690
Apr 16th 2007, 11:53 pm
#1301
Account Closed
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 16,652
Re: bars open what you having?
Here are some "genuine" letters that have been sent to Viz magazine
The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart
disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long
and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their
minds up.
John
'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
Colin Hill
The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD
pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from
legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place.
When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
P Boddington, Ringway
Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like
to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
P, Leeds
I'll never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping
his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own
drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.
Alan Thakray
Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian
wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?
On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia
have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never
been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road
Alan J., London
Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland
ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed
with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars.
T Barnham, London
Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris
patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu
Hamsa.
Les, Barnsley
How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million
selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's
football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for
the rich and another for the poor.
Reg Ashcroft, Bradford
The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in
Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me,
or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor
sods?
John Campbell, e-mail
Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about
Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies
for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
Mike Woods, e-mail
With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers
try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of
Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last
time he played hide and seek with them.
Shuggie, e-mail
Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the
exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope
that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of
humour.
Chris Scaife, Jesmond
I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly
took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't
this taking gloating just a little too far?
Dave Owen, Edinburgh
I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I
was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown
"da-da, da-da, da-da-da- da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths.
What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the
world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.
The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart
disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long
and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their
minds up.
John
'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
Colin Hill
The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD
pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from
legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place.
When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
P Boddington, Ringway
Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like
to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
P, Leeds
I'll never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping
his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own
drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.
Alan Thakray
Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian
wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?
On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia
have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never
been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road
Alan J., London
Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland
ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed
with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars.
T Barnham, London
Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris
patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu
Hamsa.
Les, Barnsley
How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million
selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's
football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for
the rich and another for the poor.
Reg Ashcroft, Bradford
The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in
Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me,
or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor
sods?
John Campbell, e-mail
Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about
Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies
for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
Mike Woods, e-mail
With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers
try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of
Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last
time he played hide and seek with them.
Shuggie, e-mail
Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the
exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope
that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of
humour.
Chris Scaife, Jesmond
I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly
took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't
this taking gloating just a little too far?
Dave Owen, Edinburgh
I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I
was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown
"da-da, da-da, da-da-da- da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths.
What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the
world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.
