bars open what you having?
Apr 15th 2007 | 5:53 am
#481
Account Closed
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 16,652
Re: bars open what you having?
sorry , was just reading an article about some police dogs being stolen from a kennel ,
says the're chasing up a lead
s.
says the're chasing up a lead
s.
Apr 15th 2007 | 5:53 am
#482
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 20,690
From: in the Sydney asylum
Re: bars open what you having?
1
What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
Angus McCoatup
Andy Sanderson
2
My mate's so humourless....the last time he cracked a gag was in an S&M dungeon!
Andrew Rimmer
3
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
"We just love the chocolate around them."
Stu Freeman
4
What do you call 100 nuns in a shop? Virgin Megastore.
Mick Jones
5
What's the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee
Jill Anderson
6
My sister used to go out with a mushroom harvester – apparently he used to be a Fun guy to be with!
N Hider
7
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A Piiig
ok your turn
What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
Angus McCoatup
Andy Sanderson
2
My mate's so humourless....the last time he cracked a gag was in an S&M dungeon!
Andrew Rimmer
3
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
"We just love the chocolate around them."
Stu Freeman
4
What do you call 100 nuns in a shop? Virgin Megastore.
Mick Jones
5
What's the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee
Jill Anderson
6
My sister used to go out with a mushroom harvester – apparently he used to be a Fun guy to be with!
N Hider
7
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A Piiig
ok your turn
Apr 15th 2007 | 5:55 am
#483
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 20,690
From: in the Sydney asylum
Re: bars open what you having?
wo nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.
The nun who is driving says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross."
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Get off our *****ing car."
The nun who is driving says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross."
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Get off our *****ing car."
Apr 15th 2007 | 5:55 am
#484
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,037
Re: bars open what you having?
1
What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
Angus McCoatup
Andy Sanderson
2
My mate's so humourless....the last time he cracked a gag was in an S&M dungeon!
Andrew Rimmer
3
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
"We just love the chocolate around them."
Stu Freeman
4
What do you call 100 nuns in a shop? Virgin Megastore.
Mick Jones
5
What's the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee
Jill Anderson
6
My sister used to go out with a mushroom harvester – apparently he used to be a Fun guy to be with!
N Hider
7
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A Piiig
ok your turn
What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
Angus McCoatup
Andy Sanderson
2
My mate's so humourless....the last time he cracked a gag was in an S&M dungeon!
Andrew Rimmer
3
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
"We just love the chocolate around them."
Stu Freeman
4
What do you call 100 nuns in a shop? Virgin Megastore.
Mick Jones
5
What's the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee
Jill Anderson
6
My sister used to go out with a mushroom harvester – apparently he used to be a Fun guy to be with!
N Hider
7
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A Piiig
ok your turn
Thanks
Can I have my drink now please???????????????
Apr 15th 2007 | 5:56 am
#486
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 20,690
From: in the Sydney asylum
Apr 15th 2007 | 5:59 am
#488
Account Closed
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 16,652
Re: bars open what you having?
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
Apr 15th 2007 | 6:00 am
#489
Account Closed
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 16,652
Re: bars open what you having?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.â€
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have intimacy? The man seemed a bit ashamed.
"I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.â€
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have intimacy? The man seemed a bit ashamed.
"I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."
Apr 15th 2007 | 6:00 am
#490
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,037
Re: bars open what you having?
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
Thanks -
Apr 15th 2007 | 6:02 am
#491
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,037
Re: bars open what you having?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.â€
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have intimacy? The man seemed a bit ashamed.
"I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.â€
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have intimacy? The man seemed a bit ashamed.
"I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."
Very funny tho
Apr 15th 2007 | 6:02 am
#492
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 20,690
From: in the Sydney asylum
Apr 15th 2007 | 6:03 am
#493
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 20,690
From: in the Sydney asylum
Apr 15th 2007 | 6:04 am
#495
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 20,690
From: in the Sydney asylum
