Re: Angry Relatives
 

My mum said that she was 'at the end of her life' and I was just beginning mine (im 40), still dont think she can get it into her head we are 12,000 miles away as we still speak as regulary as I did when I was in the UK.......

Re: Angry Relatives
 

The reaction you get of some people is if you are dying!

What they cant get into their head is that Perth is only 2 flights away (Gla-DUB-PER)

2 fracken flights away, doesnt sound far does it?

Re: Angry Relatives
 

Hi folks,

Just give it time!!! Our son and his then girlfriend emigrated to Oz in 2002 and we were all devastated! They eventually became engaged and married in Sydney in 2004. We gave them both our blessing to follow their dreams but our daughter-in-laws parents gave her a hard time and threatened not to attend the wedding or ever set foot in Australia etc etc. but...... three years down the line and we are all here in Oz - both sets of parents have joined the family which now includes a grandson. So just give your mum time - I must admit that as a mum it does hurt when your 'children' fly so far away but you only have one life and must do what is right for you and your own new family. I am sure it will all turn out o.k. just be patient and keep the lines of communication open - even if you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall sometimes!!!! Good Luck :)

Re: Angry Relatives
 

I totally agree ! can choose your friends but not your family, its a damn shame Im thinking some people are a tad jealous !

Amanda x

Re: Angry Relatives
 

I also think that people get a bit with "whats wrong with the way we live here" underneath it all too... like by changing your life you are snubbing their life?? Does that make sense?

My mum pointed out to me that I might have to face up to the reality that my children might decide to come back to England to work when they are older and live here again...

Not sure why it never dawned on me before! But they might... we are intending to have dual nationality! and then I will be the one (probably) on the other end of the stick saying to them "I don't want you to go"...

Em x

Re: Angry Relatives
 

Yep, although my family can see why we want to leave, a lot of the people I work with can't see why we would want to leave Manchester!! I am not from Manchester so I can't see what they think is so wonderful in the first place. I suppose they also think we are mad for giving up not bad jobs without having anything to go to, just as we are getting to family making age. :D And for paying so much to take the dog over. :rofl:
Well maybe we are. :o

Re: Angry Relatives
 

Hubby and I decided a little while ago to give things a go in Oz. To be honest I was a little worried about telling family and friends, and with even more honesty, I still haven't told most of the people I need to. My mom surprised me because when I told her, she didn't bat an eyelid. I think she's upset but is trying to be supportive. The one friend I told cried which I feel terrible about but she realises that we need to give things a go in Perth, which is where hubby's Dad lives.
I think that for some people anger is an easier emotion to show than sadness, I've been lucky so far but I think that the person going needs to be a little sensitive to the feelings of others as it could feel like a kick in the teeth for those left behind. I don't want people to think that we think the UK isn't good enough for us, it's where they live and for most of them, it's where they love living. I want them to know that we need a new adventure and we hope that although it's not going to be easy, moving to Oz is meant to be a positive step and not one that is meant to cause upset to those we love in the UK.

Jealous / Envious Relatives
 

Hi everyone

I read with interest the Angry Relatives thread. I thought I was the only one out here with relatives who were making me feel like I was worthless.

In my case I have no anger particularly from relatives. For the most they are very supportive, show interest and have been to visit or will do in the future. In other words it is my theory there is no anomosity in the relationships no matter what the distance.

I have however encountered two or three relatives of one generation to myself and two other of the next generation up. I am aged 34.

The envy (as opposed to jealousy) which these people displayed was not direct or obvious - it was less direct, more subversive. It was not through comments directly to me, but more either not talking at all about Australia, downing it, or myself to supportive relatives. Very minipulative and often far more hurtful than hearing direct comments. This went on since me moving to Australia in 2002, until last year where I nipped it in the bud. I came back to UK for some holidays and was sometimes met with an attitude of 'why are you suddenly interested in what I am up to when you swanned off to Australia'. Thing is I had always kept in contact and never received anything back from them. How inaccurate and selfish some people can be.

The people who I have found who you do share mutual respect and show and interest in each other, no matter where they are, are those who make you feel good. I have had to not permit some of the destructive people into my life anymore to simply protect my own wellbing and emotional health. It had to be done and is not something I wished to do. But if people continue to be destructive in your life, you cannot manage their own thinking for them, but you can acknowledge their good points and suggest that until they can meet you half way in thinking, that they should stay back for a while and think about things.;). Keeping negative people in your life folks, can only be ultimately destructive and toxic, and I am not saying cut them out, but it's good to negotiate, advocate and set out your own expectations which you yourself feel happy and settled with. Ultimately you are the one who has to drag heavy emotion around - and you know, nobody should have to do that plain and simple.

I know until I made some decisive decisions, whether liked or not by everyone - and you will never please everyone anyway, I would not have been genuinely happier on that emotional front in Australia. People not experiencing the emotional rollercoaster of emigrating to Australia simply often do no have an understanding of the daily emotions - nor should we expect them to. What we can do is educate and inform in creative ways and keeping positive - not being drawn into arguments. A phone call should always be left on a good, not wondering or regretful note.

Chin up chaps and chapesses:)

Gordo

Re: Angry Relatives
 

When I told my dad and my grandma we were planning on moving to OZ in June 2008, they weren't very happy with me to say the least. My dad walked out of the room and wouldn't speak to me, and all my grandma said is "you'll be back, you guys won't like it there," kind of rudely. My parents are divorced and my Mum lives about a 12 hour drive from me, so I only see her once or twice a year anyways. She is completely supportive of me and told me I should do what I feel is right. My dad is still upset about the whole thing. He is terrified of flying so he won't be able to come visit me he said, and my grandma said its too long of a flight. My other grandparents put a huge guilt trip on me and said there is too many bugs there so I won't want to go. I just laughed. I'm not going to let anyone come in the way of my dreams.

Re: Angry Relatives
 

When i was about 8 my mum and dad applied and got a sponsored visa.

Throughout the whole process my grandparents were fine with it, and were seriously supportive, even badgering my mums uncle in Oz to sort out his reference.

Then when they got the visa things changed dramatically, she started crying whenever my mum mentioned it. Got depressed and angry. In the end they ended up staying in the UK.

At the time i didn't know any of this, didn't even understand the visa process(i don't fully understand it now, lol. let alone as an 8 year old) and have just been told the story since.

Re: Angry Relatives
 

I agree that you have to make all the contact, but it can be very dishearten when they don’t reciprocate. :(
I speak to my Mum regularly and hubby speaks every week to his parents BUT I spoke to one brother the other week for the first time this year! My other brother - we have spoken maybe once or twice this year and its months since I had an email from my SIL or many of my so-called friends.:mad:

To be honest I’ve given up with them now, our first year or so here I sent regular emails, keeping everyone up to date but then I started to realise that I was the only one doing this.

It does up set me but I have had to learn to live with it and try to remember that it’s their loss

Re: Angry Relatives
 

Totally agree. When I moved here hardly got any contact from back home to start until I started contacting them again once things had settled down a bit.

I think you also learn who your real friends were the ones who take the time to contact you back or call to see how things are going. Overall tho the majority of my family/friends contact me over here.

Re: Angry Relatives
 

True

I have been here 3 years now and it has brought me closer to some that I left behind and the others has created a distance.

The kids that I taught still email/write me or talk to me on msn.

My sister has never phoned me and has never written me - she has mayb e sent a couple of emails but that is it. I did make the effort but have given up. It is as if she can't be bothered - so I have left her to get on with her own life. She is my only sister.

My mum is in contact most days either on msn/email or phone at weekends. We are closer now than we have ever been.

My gran (bless her) can't dial the number as she gets in a dither with so many numbers - and we asked someone to programme her phone with our number but she got confused with the time difference - and yes, you guessed it - she would call us up at 2 in the morning for a chat!:unsure:

My best mate (who is seriously ill right now) has always been there for me and vice versa. We sometimes chat each day on msn for hours and then other times we don't catch up for a few weeks.

Re: Angry Relatives
 

Families are wonderful people!!

We haven't even started the TRA process yeat, but about a year a go my sister informed me that if we did go, we would never see them again, as they couldn't afford/do the flight! It was too far....if we went to Spain or Florida, that wouldn't be so bad etc etc......

I tried to emigrate a few years back and whilst my dad was almost kicking me out the door, my mum never spoke about it....think the reservations then were to do with my ex....now, I haven't really spoken about it to anyone, as I want to take it as it comes and worry about the bits when I need to.
I know in her heart, my mum knows that we want to go, but she doesn't broach the subject....so no doubt it will be an interesting one!

Anyway take care and chin up hun.....peeps on here are great and good for a rant at anytime!

(((HUGS)))

sending you some k

Ems x

Re: Angry Relatives
 

They f&^% you up, your mum and dad,
They may not mean to, but they do,
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f&^%ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.