Abuse
Mar 24th 2008 | 7:15 pm
#46
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,959
From: Somewhere South... Not Telling YOU
Re: Abuse
This may sound like crap, but it is a really positive thing that YOU know about what is going on, Other people knowing and seeing what is happening is sometimes the first step towards freedom.
Don't want to sound cynical, but running home to mummy and promising to never do it again is such sterotypical behaviour...
Word to the wise, don't let your need for your sister to be free from this man effect your relationship with her if she takes him back. It is heartbreaking and infuriating when you are supporting someone through this kind of thing and they allow the creep back into their lives..... but you need to be able to be there once she does decide she doesn't want this anymore... and if he manages to drive a wedge between you she will have less support in the long run...
Don't want to sound cynical, but running home to mummy and promising to never do it again is such sterotypical behaviour...
Word to the wise, don't let your need for your sister to be free from this man effect your relationship with her if she takes him back. It is heartbreaking and infuriating when you are supporting someone through this kind of thing and they allow the creep back into their lives..... but you need to be able to be there once she does decide she doesn't want this anymore... and if he manages to drive a wedge between you she will have less support in the long run...
Mar 24th 2008 | 8:02 pm
#47
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 21,434
From: Tropical North QLD
Re: Abuse
My ex was mostly verbal / mental occasionally physical.
I left with nothing ( we had no kids thankgod), just the clothes on my back and went to a womans aid refuge. With their help i rebuilt my life, got a court injunction to keep him away (which he breeched and got a suspended prison snetance for0.
t was hard i had a lovely house, new car, and i ended up with nowt but you know what? Nothing could put a price on my peace of mind for getting rd of that bastard out of my liffe. Our house was repossed, and it was the best thing i ever did or i wouldnt be sat here talking about emigrating. There is more to life than money hun, cab helped me alot x
The women in the refuge mostly had kids, its hard as you want the person to change, dont tell anyone because you belive they can change, dont tell anyone as your embarrassed for staying. It grinds you down, weras out your confidence and makes you a victim. But i had to make that decision to leave, it was up to me, and one day i woke up and made it x
I left with nothing ( we had no kids thankgod), just the clothes on my back and went to a womans aid refuge. With their help i rebuilt my life, got a court injunction to keep him away (which he breeched and got a suspended prison snetance for0.
t was hard i had a lovely house, new car, and i ended up with nowt but you know what? Nothing could put a price on my peace of mind for getting rd of that bastard out of my liffe. Our house was repossed, and it was the best thing i ever did or i wouldnt be sat here talking about emigrating. There is more to life than money hun, cab helped me alot x
The women in the refuge mostly had kids, its hard as you want the person to change, dont tell anyone because you belive they can change, dont tell anyone as your embarrassed for staying. It grinds you down, weras out your confidence and makes you a victim. But i had to make that decision to leave, it was up to me, and one day i woke up and made it x
To all of you who have been through these experiences & come out the other side, bl**dy well done
Baltibabe - I completely agree with Eddie' post, you just have to be there for her no matter what & hope that eventually she will have the strength to leave!
Mar 24th 2008 | 8:03 pm
#48
If all else fails...smile
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,365
From: Northern Territory
Re: Abuse
Word to the wise, don't let your need for your sister to be free from this man effect your relationship with her if she takes him back. It is heartbreaking and infuriating when you are supporting someone through this kind of thing and they allow the creep back into their lives..... but you need to be able to be there once she does decide she doesn't want this anymore... and if he manages to drive a wedge between you she will have less support in the long run...
- I didn't want my family making it harder for me, hence I chose to keep them hidden from most things, until I was ready and just aswell I did, as once they knew.....the **** hit the pan! But they did it because they cared and I understand that, but defo need to be there no matter what decisions are made...tough, but she will be pleased deep down, to know!
Ems xtotally Sal
I think for me that no matter what experiences you have in life, if you have lived to tell the tale and it might help someone no matter what and you feel strong enough, then it can help someone on the receiving end to understand that they are normal and it will eventually get better.......Ems x
Last edited by smiling4; Mar 24th 2008 at 8:16 pm.
Mar 24th 2008 | 9:01 pm
#49
looking for my marbles
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1,085
From: Seaford, Adelaide
Re: Abuse
This may sound like crap, but it is a really positive thing that YOU know about what is going on, Other people knowing and seeing what is happening is sometimes the first step towards freedom.
Don't want to sound cynical, but running home to mummy and promising to never do it again is such sterotypical behaviour...
Word to the wise, don't let your need for your sister to be free from this man effect your relationship with her if she takes him back. It is heartbreaking and infuriating when you are supporting someone through this kind of thing and they allow the creep back into their lives..... but you need to be able to be there once she does decide she doesn't want this anymore... and if he manages to drive a wedge between you she will have less support in the long run...
Don't want to sound cynical, but running home to mummy and promising to never do it again is such sterotypical behaviour...
Word to the wise, don't let your need for your sister to be free from this man effect your relationship with her if she takes him back. It is heartbreaking and infuriating when you are supporting someone through this kind of thing and they allow the creep back into their lives..... but you need to be able to be there once she does decide she doesn't want this anymore... and if he manages to drive a wedge between you she will have less support in the long run...
I agree totally , just wanted to say also thanks for the comments. I hope sharing my past will help her in some way. I cant pretend it was easy it took a few years to get back to normal financially and emotionally but i did it.
The only person who knew what was going on was my sister in law, i couldnt tell my friends didnt even tell my mum. My mum cried when i told her, i had hidden it well. Everyone thought he was wonderful, but behind closed doors he was a jekll.
Just be there for her, she has to decide when enoughs enough. x (if you ever want to talk pm me x)
