|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
The past, present & future walked into a bar.
It was tense. |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Two men walk into a bar, the first orders some H2O. The 2nd one says ’sounds good, i’ll have some H2O too’. The second man died.
(This one may be a bit too specialised!) :D |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking.
“Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote can have Monday off†said the teacher. 'Who is credited with writing the phrase;'To be or not to be, that is the question’?†asked the teacher. Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, 'Shakespeare'. 'Well done!' said the teacher, 'You can have Monday off.†'No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.' said Little Pham Lam Nguyen. 'Well okay,' said the teacher. The next quote is, “I had a dream!†Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out “I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!†“Well done!†said the teacher. 'You can have Monday off†“No thanka you miss. I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too.†said little Fri Sum Kat. 'Okay,' said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, “F#^*ing Asians!†“Who said that?†yelled the teacher in an angry tone. “Pauline Hanson!†yelled little Johnny. “See ya Tuesday!!!!†|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
I looked out of my window last night and saw a group of people gathering around a bloke who had come off his moped, so I frantically rushed over.
"Out of the way!" I shouted, as I pushed through the crowd. "Are you a doctor?" one woman screamed. "No" I replied, "The bastards got my pizza in the hotbox." |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
A little old man shuffles into an ice cream parlor n slowly, painfully pulled himself onto a stool. After catching his breath he orders a banana split.The waitress kindly asks, crushed nuts? No, he replied, arthritis:ohmy:
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by mrsgreenstar76
(Post 9965440)
Two men walk into a bar, the first orders some H2O. The 2nd one says ’sounds good, i’ll have some H2O too’. The second man died.
(This one may be a bit too specialised!) :D **************** Willy was a little boy who was but is no more for what he thought was H2O, was H2SO4! |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by Alfresco
(Post 9982790)
Must have been blonde!
**************** Willy was a little boy who was but is no more for what he thought was H2O, was H2SO4! |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
I wanted to make a chemistry joke too but all the good ones argon. :(
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Just to spice things up I said to my wife, "We'll do a bit of role playing tonight.."
She was well up for it. So I said, " You dress up like Whitney Houston, and I'll run you a bath...":lol: |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit from wimbledon on the balls not bouncing correctly.....It's been suggested some better fitting underwear may help Ms Williams
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he has a part in the school play and he's playing a man who's been married for 25 years.
The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part." |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
I was in an Irish pub here in Canada and had had a few pints of plain when three large ladies entered and stood at the bar. Their accents were quite strong, so I asked, “Are you ladies from Ireland?“ One of them turned around, sneered, and said “It‘s Wales, you idiot!“ I replied, “Sorry, are you whales from Ireland?“
And that‘s the last thing I remember. |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by caretaker
(Post 10155108)
I was in an Irish pub here in Canada and had had a few pints of plain when three large ladies entered and stood at the bar. Their accents were quite strong, so I asked, “Are you ladies from Ireland?“ One of them turned around, sneered, and said “It‘s Wales, you idiot!“ I replied, “Sorry, are you whales from Ireland?“
And that‘s the last thing I remember. |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's just because I'm really concentrating.
(From some big comedy thing in Scotland.) |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
The Queen: Harry can't find his biscuits. Have you seen his ginger nuts?
Prince Philip: I think the whole bloody world has seen them by now:o |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Four guys have been going to the same fishingtrip for many years.Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up,firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Shit Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wifecame up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.. The room had candles and rose petals all over.On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.And then she said, "Do whatever you want."So, Here I am.. |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Why does Colonel Sanders keep his eleven KFC herbs and spices secret?
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by Zen10
(Post 10255951)
Why does Colonel Sanders keep his eleven KFC herbs and spices secret?
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by old.sparkles
(Post 10258639)
I don't know - why does Colonel Sanders keep his eleven KFC herbs and spices secret?
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_C...rbs_and_Spices |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by old.sparkles
(Post 10258639)
I don't know - why does Colonel Sanders keep his eleven KFC herbs and spices secret?
Sorry - it made me laugh. |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
I had high hopes for the Canadian Paralympians, but now it seems 8 of our wheelchair athletes have tested positive for WD-40.:(
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by caretaker
(Post 10259275)
I had high hopes for the Canadian Paralympians, but now it seems 8 of our wheelchair athletes have tested positive for WD-40.:(
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by Zen10
(Post 10259163)
Well, because he is so ashamed of them, of course.
Sorry - it made me laugh. |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Colonel Sanders came to Regina and inspected the franchises in about 1968 (there were about 4, all owned by the same man). At the Elphinstone & Dewdney location, (still there, btw), he found salad in the counter that wasn't fresh and gave the manager a real dressing down. He pointed at the sign and shouted "That's my name on there and I demand you sell quality food!" As far as I know that's the only time he came here. An old cartoon showed a chicken sitting in a bar, with Col Sanders at the other end, and the bartender takes the chicken a drink and says, "It's paid for."
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
A touring troupe of morris dancers has been kidnapped in a daring bus hijacking in Nice, France. The terrorists are threatening to release one every hour until their demands are met.
. What else is a morris stick good for? Kindling an accordian fire. . If you drop an accordian, bagpipes, and a viola off an 8 story building which hits the ground first? Who cares? |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Some twat just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the line, she's not bothered about the pants but she wants the 12 pegs back!!
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Some smart-ass asked me, "How's your wife and my kids?"
I said, "Wife's fine, kids are a pack of idiots". |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
A lady was cleaning her teenage son's room and found a hardcore bondage s&m magazine under the mattress. Quite distraught, she asked her husband what they should do. "Well, he said, whatever you do, don't spank him!"
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Got my halloween outfit today; blonde wig, tracksuit, gold chain, cigar. That should scare the little ****ers!
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
For those who do not listen to the 'Today' programme on BBC Radio 4, this is English humour at its best.
Right at the end of a programme recently,there was a discussion about the obscene cost of entry into Premiership football games - 'the cheapest price of £60 and £100 per game is not uncommon'. An older chap being interviewed said he could recall many years ago arriving at the turnstiles, (it was probably West Ham United or Queen's Park Rangers), to be told, "That will be 10 Quid Mate". "What!", the old chap said, "I could get a woman for that!" The guy on the turnstile retorted, "Not for 45 minutes each way you wouldn't, and a brass band in the Interval!" As the pips sounded on the hour, the presenter John Humphries, could be heard in the background in stitches. |
Re: The 2012 joke thread
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
Originally Posted by caretaker
(Post 10398964)
:rofl:
|
Re: The 2012 joke thread
|
| All times are GMT -12. The time now is 10:32 pm. |
Powered by vBulletin: ©2000 - 2026, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2026 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.