The 2010 Joke thread (Definitely not child friendly, you've been warned)
Apr 5th 2010, 3:21 am
#31
Officially Bewildered
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Blue Mountains, NSW
Posts: 5,523
Apr 5th 2010, 3:26 am
#32
Officially Bewildered
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Blue Mountains, NSW
Posts: 5,523
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new power and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed and lying next to her says, softly, "123."
He immediately becomes more aroused than anytime in his life... just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you should never end a sentence with a preposition.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new power and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed and lying next to her says, softly, "123."
He immediately becomes more aroused than anytime in his life... just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you should never end a sentence with a preposition.
Apr 5th 2010, 3:32 am
#33
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,784
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new power and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed and lying next to her says, softly, "123."
He immediately becomes more aroused than anytime in his life... just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you should never end a sentence with a preposition.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new power and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed and lying next to her says, softly, "123."
He immediately becomes more aroused than anytime in his life... just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you should never end a sentence with a preposition.
Apr 5th 2010, 5:47 am
#34
Chan eil aon chànan gu le
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: On the ning nang nong
Posts: 22,437
Site rule 16
Apr 7th 2010, 4:27 am
#36
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,890
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Viz Top Tips #123
SWAP blind people's canes for metal detectors and follow them around. You'll be quids in.
SWAP blind people's canes for metal detectors and follow them around. You'll be quids in.
Apr 10th 2010, 11:27 pm
#37
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2009
Location: PK,WA
Posts: 315
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Mick and Paddy are in the bar celabrating the birth of Paddy's new born identical twins.
Mick says " so who do they look like?"
Paddy replies
"each other you daft tw@t"
Mick says " so who do they look like?"
Paddy replies
"each other you daft tw@t"
Apr 11th 2010, 5:27 am
#38
MODERATOR
Joined: Nov 2002
Location: Redneck Wonderland
Posts: 9,932
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Apr 11th 2010, 5:27 am
#39
MODERATOR
Joined: Nov 2002
Location: Redneck Wonderland
Posts: 9,932
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.
The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is
struck against the ground time and time again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Woolworth's trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.
The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is
struck against the ground time and time again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Woolworth's trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
Apr 11th 2010, 12:57 pm
#40
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,816
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Bernie and Polly were driving down the street in a sweat because they had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven Bernie said,"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and me and Polly will give up drinking!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Bernie looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Bernie looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
I really should read this thread more often!!
Apr 12th 2010, 1:12 pm
#41
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 0
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."
Apr 13th 2010, 10:03 am
#42
Victorian Evangelist
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Melbourne, by the beach, living the dream.
Posts: 7,704
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Apr 17th 2010, 2:03 pm
#43
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2009
Location: Woodvale, WA
Posts: 1,674
What's the difference
Between the Icelandic Volcano and Cheryl Cole?
The volcano is still blowing Ash!
The volcano is still blowing Ash!
Apr 18th 2010, 7:46 pm
#44
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
A guy goes in an adult store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, 'Male or female?'
Customer says, 'Female.'
Counter guy asks, 'Black or white?' Customer says, 'White.'
Counter guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'
Counter guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'
Guy behind the counter says, 'Male or female?'
Customer says, 'Female.'
Counter guy asks, 'Black or white?' Customer says, 'White.'
Counter guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'
Counter guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'
Apr 18th 2010, 9:36 pm
#45
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 9,397
Re: The 2010 Joke thread
Kevin Rudd.