luvwelly

I think things would seem a lot better if you stopped reading the Daily Fail
Although having clicked on the link I see it was unusually an anti-Government policy story...solution do not re-elect the current Government.

Perth

Only after you have paid through the nose, even with costly insurance. And then when you die you get to leave your spouse medically bankrupt.

London1947

Well seems like I have a supporter do I ? If I do I thank you. SallyRedux I'm sure you can do better than one liners. Of course I'm not that stupid I do understand that any country is not in anyway perfect. I hope that the poster's on here live in the UK or intend to move to the UK.........

Perth

Not really...rather stay out of it, thanks. Was just affirming what sallyredux said as far as what occurs in the US on a daily basis.

Bud the Wiser

Personally, I like to read all the returnees posts, both positive and negative, from the rather 'tweedy' womens institute, make your own jam, bottle your own pickles type of post to the other extreme of "this country's a 'sh!thole" type of comment. From them, I discard what would never be relevant to my desired lifestyle, whether it be 'choir practice' or 'living in an area full of dog crap and rubbish".
On the positive side, I take from them the comments that would relate more to my return, be it, NHS experience, re-connecting with old friends and family and place to live.

It's a very narrow mind that only hears what it wants to hear.

sallysimmons

I'm sorry if you felt patronized because that wasn't my intention. The first part of my post was meant to be a joke - lighthearted fun nothing more. Like I said, sorry if it didn't come across that way.

The second part of my post was more serious. I genuinely don't think any country is all good or all bad. I do think the Daily Mail has a lot to answer for because I know people here in the UK (including family members) who splutter with anger and resentment because of things they read in that paper - stuff that's just designed to stoke exactly that kind of reaction. It's a collection of half-truths and distortions all designed to create division and stir up the worst in people. I think the Daily Mail is evil and I wish I could burn my mother's copy before she ever read it because she'd be much happier.

Finally, I really do believe that seeing the black side all the time is bad for our health, so my last comment wasn't intended as a jibe, but as an honest statement of my views. I didn't like America, but I tried my best to be happy while I was there because it beats being miserable.

Things haven't been all easy for us here. When we got back here, our house was burgled (first burglary in that neighborhood for 20 years - just my luck!). The insurance didn't cover everything so we had to buy new laptops that we really couldn't afford but need for work. It's been hard to reconnect with some of my friends because I was away so long, so I'm working to make new ones. We're in the Pennines which means our weather sucks, so we have had a lot of long wet, cold walks. If I don't moan about these things, I get accused of wearing rose-colored glasses rather than just making the best of things the way they are. But the list of bad things here is small compared to the list of bad things about where I used to live and the good things far, far outweigh them. For me that's enough and I'm happy.

I didn't think my post warranted the nastiness you've aimed my way, but some other people seem to agree with you, so I'm sorry. I do think good and bad experiences are just as valid, but your original post made it seem as though everything was vile and horrible here, and that's just not true.

mikelincs

I also like Sally's posts. I live in Dorset, on the outskirts of a large university town/city. I have NEVER seen people urinating in the streets, and never seen drug dealing/taking. I've seen plenty of people who have had rather too much to drink and/or been under the influence of drugs. I chose to live where I do because of the excellent transport links, I'm within 0.5m of a coach and rail centre and only a few mins walk from bus routes to take me into the country or into the town centre, I have no need for a car, and as I'm retired get a free bus pass. I also rent, and have to pay my council tax, but you did in the US, it's just that it was factored into your rent.
I really suspect the OP has found himself in the wrong place to live, and as a renter he does have the ability to up sticks and move to somewhere better, and away from the area he is currently in.

NiHao

London1947,

I'm really sorry the move to the UK has not been a good decision for you and your wife. I am always interested in hearing from everyone who has moved back, the good, the bad and the ugly. No where is perfect and we all know that within the same country there are areas that differ vastly from each other.

I so appreciate when people take the time to post about what their experience has been like and I try to pay close attention to what their particular situation is and why they do or don't like living in the UK. I listen and then disregard things I know don't relate to me and make note of things that I think will. Everyone's circumstances are so different, age, income, job opportunity, race, health, family, on and on, none of us will have the identical experience. Just because one person has had a successful move back and another a terrible one does not mean that one of them has to be untrue.

Reading your posts it sounds like its been unexpectedly really hard for your wife to leave her home country and settle in yours, she loved the UK for holidays but living there is so different As an expat I can understand that and have great sympathy for her. Also you have made a dramatic move not just from one country to another but also from town/city life to a very rural one, a similar move within the US would not have been good for you either so that aspect isn't really about the UK. It sounds as if you are finding everything to be much more expensive than you anticipated and we all know how hard it is to be financially stressed, no matter where we are living. What are you finding so much more expensive in the UK?

You mentioned things like having to pay property tax as a renter, I didn't know that either until I started looking at rental properties on rightmove.com. I think that is an example of how important it is to research, research and research again so that we have as realistic a view of the cost of living in a particular country is (along with variations by area within a country). So I really appreciate it when people post about these things, its a reminder that we have to educate ourselves.

I think when we are feeling down and stressed it can feel like everyone is against you and its easy to take someone's expression of happiness to be a denial of your own unhappiness. I know that the move has not been a good one for you and I know it has been a wonderful one for Sallysimmons. Two different people with two very different circumstances moving to two different areas of the same country. Its hardly surprising that the experience is so different for each of you.

Right now you are clearly feeling very down and stressed about your situation and so of course that is reflected in what you post. I still appreciate you posting and hope you will continue to. Maybe right now things just feel impossible but maybe with time you will look at moving to an area of the UK that would be better for you and your wife or consider whether with careful budgeting and saving could you maybe make the move back to the US after all. You mentioned that you are renting and that you are going back for a vacation, what is to stop you giving notice and instead of taking a vacation to the US this year instead flying "home" to the US permanently next year (or whenever your notice is up)? I know when I have been depressed I've tended to view everything as being impossible when in reality mostly things were just difficult to do but NOT impossible.

Also I did just want to say that I have always found Sallysimmons to be extremely balanced in what she has shared with us about her move back. I appreciate that she shares what she loves about moving home but she also goes out of her way to emphasis that some of that happiness is because of her own particular circumstances, never ever has she dismissed or been unaware that finances play a huge part, along with having family and friends to be reunited with. She makes no bones about how much it rains and how even for someone who enjoys the rain it can get to you sometimes! I have seen several posts where she cautions people to really think about their own circumstances before making such a huge move.

We have to be careful when reading posts to understand what would and wouldn't relate to ourselves. For example I think, from what I have read in her posts, that SallySimmons and I are similar in age and that we love history, ruins and graveyards, we love long walks, we don't mind the rain too much (mostly!) we value a society that believes in a NHS and has sensible gun control. However, unlike her I do not have family that I am close to in the UK and a move to the UK would mean becoming a renter for life instead of a home owner. I have young children to consider she doesn't. It is because SallySimmons is so generous in taking the time to explain in very specific terms what has made the move successful for her that I benefit from her experience.

Simiarly, when you give specifics of why the move has not been a good one for you I can look at my circumstances and see what may or may not apply to me.

I really hope things get better for you London1947, I have made enough "wrong" decisions in my life to know how it feels. I know how its easy to fall into a negative spiral where it feels like a personal attack when anyone so much as suggests that I could change things or that not everything is so terrible. Sometimes we have to step back so we can see the big picture and figure out how we can embrace the good and improve or live with the bad.

Please keep posting, this is a very supportive community and you may find that others have good ideas for how you can improve your situation. Just because we point out that the UK is a mixture of good and bad doesn't mean that we don't understand that right now for you the "bad" is overwhelming and you are struggling to find the good. Hang in there things will get better, either where you are or by moving in the UK or by finding a way back to the US.

cheers

I think Islandwoman is an inspiration. I seem to remember she was so depressed when she arrived and various things went wrong for her but little by little she got things sorted and seems to be on top of the pile theses days.

I agree that we enjoy all posts because they are informative.

I identify with Sally and I'm able to be there because of her writings. Todays remarks she lists things that are a little bit annoying to her but not that much.

Sally I know how far the local pub is but how far is the bakery? Do you go to the local or do you drive to another nearby pub?

Cheers


Cheers

cheers

London1947 thanks for posting. I can imagine you being super depressed because you are at zero financially. That will do it.

We are with you and hope you can report a little thing that makes you happier today.

I was just rereading some posts and I see you are living in England and existing on your Social Security, is that true because I would think you would do alright on that income which should be around $1400 per month?

Cheers mate

cheers

Agreed

London1947

Yep $1400 per month. That translates into GBP 850 approx. subtract 600 rent, 114 council tax, food 100 yes, so i suppose $1400 should go a long way.

cheers

I'd be depressed

Doesn't the misses kick in with her SS?

J.JsOH

Just to add my ha'pence worth on the theme of posts and how I view the information that people provide.
I primarily come here to share information. In the beginning it was to glean info prior to moving and then just after also. More lately it is just to check in to say how things are with me in case this may help others, occasionally still pick up tips on life in UK, and to see how things are with other posters that I've known for a while now.

People often, usually, have different opinions than I do, that's fine. Happens a lot with me being an introvert because I generally don't fit in with the popular held opinions. And then it happens a lot here on BE too because we all are coming from different world experiences.
With brief written posts there is always the chance to misinterpret peoples intent or tone and so I try to take care not to get my back up about anything that is said cos most posters are here for genuine reasons.

Just sayin'.

Anyway, my news is that I sense a general improvement in my mood of late. It has been up and down since coming back nearly 3 yrs ago. The problems no longer seem to jar on me as much as they did and I can tune out those that still do.
It had always been in our life plan to return to UK eventually although never in a set time frame. Since coming back we talked of ping-ponging but it was never a potential reality.
Initially pleased to be back I was then troubled and disappointed with the society around me. Along with many other Brits there are many things about life in England that leave me puzzled and probably always will.
But still, if I can keep the Serenity Prayer in mind (accept things I can't change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference) then I get along pretty well in UK.

I will always consider the USA favourably for the opportunities it offered me in life there, I am better for it, I am pleased I lived there and it will always be my adopted country second only to my (military-induced) patriotism for UK.

(insight for those that don't know me; 60's something couple, no kids (to speak of), 1 pet cat, own down-sized house, frugal lifestyle, long-term savers now retired (me Engineer, OH clerical), fit & active lifestyle, love traveling, small car owner (OH doesn't drive), prefer countryside but accept living in suburbs as compromise for access to public transport, not close knit UK family, few but lifelong friends...oh, and I like real ale and fish&chips)

sallysimmons

NiHao, I just wanted to say thank you for this post but also thank you for being such a kind-hearted, wise and empathetic person. I will try to be more like you when I grow up