Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
Jul 20th 2015, 3:09 pm
#76
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
He appears to have a unique visa deal, which doesn't fit with any others I have seen over the years. Very lucky. The annoying thing is that for personal reasons I would really like to know how to be absolutely sure of a 10 year RRV, but I can't find official details anywhere. I shall keep searching for myself ..... 
Remember it is that you can still renew within 10 years from last departure. You can not renew again AFTER a 10 year absence.
5 years TRAVEL is maximum you can get in one go... It is NOT a 10 year TRAVEL visa.
It is just a stipulation on how long you have any rights to work and live (if you do nothing with it outside Australia for up to 10 years). Then the visa can still be re-activated for travel. They refer to it in terms of you having been a ''former Permanent Resident'' if that helps? Your visa details are still on the system, and you can still re-activate them any time within 10 years of last departure. GRANTED.... you meet the criteria for re-activation / renewal.
More than 10 years of doing nothing with it, outside Australia, and you lose the right to the visa permanently. Does that make sense? It isn't something you can easily find anywhere. You need to ask an immigration officer the right questions and make sure they know what you mean. Or they too will think you mean the TRAVEL time limits (5 years, etc...)
It IS confusing; as it sounds like it is a 10 year visa. It is NOT. It simply means you can renew (reactivate) the visa within 10 years of your last departure from OZ, meeting specific criteria from 0-5 years and then again 5 - 10 years, and you can still get re-entry granted for how ever long (TRAVEL = 1 year or 5 years... or the 3 months you mentioned maybe).
I didn't get it the first time I heard of this either, but that's why they don't tell you about it freely. You need to ask if you are still eligible to renew your visa. Which is what I did after a 6 year absence... I wasn't sure I could still do anything with it after 6 years of absence... but I still got it re-activated then. They then told me that after a 10 year absence, I would not have been able to re-activate it at all for any reason). Would have had to redo the entire RRV application process, get tested, checked, verified, fees, applications, bridging visas maybe, etc, etc... the 13 months process all over again with the same chances as everyone else.
Anyway, hope that clarifies more? It IS daunting I know!
Last edited by C-Diddy; Jul 20th 2015 at 3:15 pm.
Jul 20th 2015, 3:19 pm
#77
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
Jul 20th 2015, 3:50 pm
#78
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
Yes agreed, but what about me? After all the time and presence I give him... and he grows up and I am stuck in the UK as an old grey hermit in a bedsit?
Granted that if I cannot find work and a new lady to spend my life with.
Unless I can get my career back on track here which I have mentioned in previous posts. Then I might consider staying in the UK if I can find a good opportunity to make a good life here.
Oh so much to think about
Granted that if I cannot find work and a new lady to spend my life with.
Unless I can get my career back on track here which I have mentioned in previous posts. Then I might consider staying in the UK if I can find a good opportunity to make a good life here.
Oh so much to think about
Your comment reminds me of a little Britain sketch. Lou is telling Andy about his parent dying and tells him he will have to go back home for a few days. Lou's comment was...'but what about me'.
Jul 20th 2015, 3:50 pm
#79
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
Have been reading with interest. It's a difficult situation and there will be hurt and disappointment with whatever decision you make. I'm not in exactly the same situation but I also have a very difficult decision to make with regard to leaving someone for migration, not a child but a partner.
On one hand your child is at an age where they really need you in their life, your absence would in no doubt affect them and at an age where they grow up so fast so you would never get back those special moments that you would miss by being away. In fact your absence could also permanently affect your relationship with your child.
On the other hand being separated as you are now could also be affecting your relationship with your child. Your child will one day grow up and reach an age where they will move on from both their parents, potentially within the next 10 years, and follow their own path. However that's as much a reason to enjoy the time you have with them now than to leave. Also your child already has a primary carer and mother who may very well move on and meet a new partner at some point in the future potentially lessening your influence. You also seem very unhappy in the UK and want to open the door for the future for yourself and your child. However if I'm honest I think you can only say for certainty that for now it would be for yourself as you've no idea what your child's wishes will be when they are older. Also on the grand scheme of things 4 years isn't a long time for an adult but a lifetime for a child. But you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life having to live in the UK and regret not moving to Australia.
It's a real shame that you can't wait until your child is in their late teens e.g. 16 years old, where I don't think it would be as much of an issue. In fact a lot of teenagers, assuming they already have a supportive family setup, would think it a bonus that they have one parent living overseas as it could open up doors for them in the future, with visits or a possible move.
Either way you can't foresee the future but you can only do your best for today. When is the very latest that you can return to Australia and how old will your child be? In an ideal world the best outcome would be to stay in the UK until your child is say 16 then move to Australia. What are the chances of you reapplying from scratch when your child is 16? For arguments sake could you spend the next 9 years living in the UK and retraining to a different skill that is in high demand eg. Doctor/nurse. Would you be miserable to spend the rest of your life in the UK? You also have a US passport, what is wrong with US when you are older?
If you have exhausted all of the above and as heartbreaking as it sounds, I would say go get your passport. But stay in touch by whatever means necessary daily/weekly Skype calls, regular trips back and forth for birthdays/xmas etc. etc. 4 years is not a long time for a lifetime decision but be sure to understand that it is a decision for yourself and not for your child, although it may benefit your child in the future. Your child is not old enough to fully understand that decision so it is your decision only and you have to live with that. Once the 4 years are up you risk never having the same relationship with your child, it could be better, worse or the same. But thinking of the bigger picture there are plenty of families around the world where a parent is separated from a child by migration for long periods of time for whatever reason, mainly economical, and sadly some parents choose not to play a role in their children's lives at all even when they live in the same town. So assuming you spent the next 4 years in Australia with "regular" contact and then returning to the UK until your child is 16 or 18, it's not the best but also not the worst scenario I can think of.
On one hand your child is at an age where they really need you in their life, your absence would in no doubt affect them and at an age where they grow up so fast so you would never get back those special moments that you would miss by being away. In fact your absence could also permanently affect your relationship with your child.
On the other hand being separated as you are now could also be affecting your relationship with your child. Your child will one day grow up and reach an age where they will move on from both their parents, potentially within the next 10 years, and follow their own path. However that's as much a reason to enjoy the time you have with them now than to leave. Also your child already has a primary carer and mother who may very well move on and meet a new partner at some point in the future potentially lessening your influence. You also seem very unhappy in the UK and want to open the door for the future for yourself and your child. However if I'm honest I think you can only say for certainty that for now it would be for yourself as you've no idea what your child's wishes will be when they are older. Also on the grand scheme of things 4 years isn't a long time for an adult but a lifetime for a child. But you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life having to live in the UK and regret not moving to Australia.
It's a real shame that you can't wait until your child is in their late teens e.g. 16 years old, where I don't think it would be as much of an issue. In fact a lot of teenagers, assuming they already have a supportive family setup, would think it a bonus that they have one parent living overseas as it could open up doors for them in the future, with visits or a possible move.
Either way you can't foresee the future but you can only do your best for today. When is the very latest that you can return to Australia and how old will your child be? In an ideal world the best outcome would be to stay in the UK until your child is say 16 then move to Australia. What are the chances of you reapplying from scratch when your child is 16? For arguments sake could you spend the next 9 years living in the UK and retraining to a different skill that is in high demand eg. Doctor/nurse. Would you be miserable to spend the rest of your life in the UK? You also have a US passport, what is wrong with US when you are older?
If you have exhausted all of the above and as heartbreaking as it sounds, I would say go get your passport. But stay in touch by whatever means necessary daily/weekly Skype calls, regular trips back and forth for birthdays/xmas etc. etc. 4 years is not a long time for a lifetime decision but be sure to understand that it is a decision for yourself and not for your child, although it may benefit your child in the future. Your child is not old enough to fully understand that decision so it is your decision only and you have to live with that. Once the 4 years are up you risk never having the same relationship with your child, it could be better, worse or the same. But thinking of the bigger picture there are plenty of families around the world where a parent is separated from a child by migration for long periods of time for whatever reason, mainly economical, and sadly some parents choose not to play a role in their children's lives at all even when they live in the same town. So assuming you spent the next 4 years in Australia with "regular" contact and then returning to the UK until your child is 16 or 18, it's not the best but also not the worst scenario I can think of.
Thanks very much for your candid and objective points of view and thoughts. I really appreciate them a lot. You make a lot of great points and it all makes very good sense. There are the risks of the relationship dwindling yes. The important young years are at risk of being missed, yes indeed.
You are right to say I am unhappy in the UK. I have been messed around by employers far too much and just the general mentality of employers is unappreciative. I'm not feeling ''the love'' here any more.
I will answer your questions above now:
Firstly will say for clarity, that my son's mother has moved on and has a new partner now for over a year. He was living with her (and my son), but then wanted a baby off the cuff with my son's mother, and she kicked him out as she felt that was not something she wanted to do again, yet they are still together and current as a couple. It's weird. She's a good mum though. Works hard to keep the gang together. She is one of those mum's that ... come hell or high water... wants to do it ALL on her own, bless her.
She has two other sons from previous ... so my son has two older half brothers too. Not like there is lack of influence around my son at his home.
The latest I could return to Australia with a simple job offer is by January 2018. Granted there is no real rush right now to get back, but I need a job. now.
After 1/2018, it gets a lot more complicated and I would have to provide ''Compelling Reasons'' as well as a job offer, to allow me to re-enter. If I do nothing at all, and never return to Australia again, I will lose the right to renew that visa in January 2023. Which means having to start from scratch.
However, by then, it will not be possible for me because the age restriction on new RRV applications is 44. I'm 44 this month. So I can only renew what I already have. Cannot start from scratch. That is my conundrum. If I wait for him to reach 16, I lose my way back in... permanently.
Not interested in going back to the USA. Not my mentality any more. I do not think like Americans do any more. I think and live like a European / or an Aussie. Granted Aussies have a similar shopping culture to America, and in terms of capitalism and economic structure, but the people are awesome and really great! I felt more at home in Australia than any other country to be perfectly honest.
I still have a lot of good pros to go, but a lot of good pros to go also.
I am not sure what to decide really. I want to fulfil my dream as well as provide an open door for the future. But I have limits on time here with my visa, as mentioned above. I mean I could literally wait another two years and then go... and still be in my same position visa-wise.
But I still think of the impact it would have on my son. However I always planned on maintaining regular contact with him. Like Skype and phone calls several times per week, Frequent personal visits. Of course, that being I have found work in OZ that affords me this way of life. That is the main key to return. But I always felt I could do a lot better there than here financially, and always did.
Still lots to consider. I'm not sure what to do yet... or when. All I know is I need a job asap. If I get an offer in OZ, I'd likely have to just take it. If here, then I have more time to think on this.
Thanks again for your input and sharing. I hope that in your own situation, things work out for you and your partner with a mutual decision. At least you have another adult you can discuss it with. Me talking to my son about it feels like maybe he is just trying to make me happy by agreeing with me, yet he tells me it's my decision.
Which leaves me thinking he knows a lot more than he lets on. He told me the yesterday he is ok with me going, but lately has also told me he'd rather I stayed, finishing that off with him saying to me: ''...but it's your decision daddy''.
I guess it boils down to two choices:
1-risk a relationship erosion with my son over 4 years, to keep a dream alive for the future for us both. We are very close now which may or may not lessen the impact of a 4 year plan away.
2-Stay here and keep building on what I have with him and all is well there, however, regretting in all my future years, not getting that Aussie Passport.
So much to think about really. It's daunting.
Jul 20th 2015, 4:01 pm
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
I also find it hard here too, in employment terms. I've had to sign on a couple of times and they treat you like you are an uneducated simpleton.
Civil servants are unkempt, unhappy, tiny minded people (for the most part) not all of them... some rare ones have been exceptional. It then begs you to wonder what the entire UK government body is run by, in the majority. The quality of life here has gone down and keeps on going down. In my 10 years here, I've seen ridiculous decisions be made that only make things worse.
Anyway, love Little Britain... but Computah says ''no''. :P
I have to think on this seriously... all the input has helped a lot.
Time and money are not on my side, so I need to decide something rather quickly. I mentioned before if I could get a really well-paid job in the UK, I'd stay, but am not having any success.
Jul 20th 2015, 5:01 pm
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
I have read this thread from the beginning, at first I thought you were being selfish and wanting people to tell you "Yes! Go for it. Go back to Oz".
Now I'm completely bamboozled. You say the mother of your son has 2 other children
"She has two other sons from previous".. did they live with you while you were living with your ex? Do you have a relationship with them? Do you care about them?
Your son is only 7 years old, he's not able to make a rational decision about anything.
If you love him you will stay close by him.
Your ex has a new partner. Are you jealous?
Now I'm completely bamboozled. You say the mother of your son has 2 other children
"She has two other sons from previous".. did they live with you while you were living with your ex? Do you have a relationship with them? Do you care about them?
Your son is only 7 years old, he's not able to make a rational decision about anything.
If you love him you will stay close by him.
Your ex has a new partner. Are you jealous?
Jul 20th 2015, 5:09 pm
#84
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
I have read this thread from the beginning, at first I thought you were being selfish and wanting people to tell you "Yes! Go for it. Go back to Oz".
Now I'm completely bamboozled. You say the mother of your son has 2 other children
"She has two other sons from previous".. did they live with you while you were living with your ex? Do you have a relationship with them? Do you care about them?
Your son is only 7 years old, he's not able to make a rational decision about anything.
If you love him you will stay close by him.
Your ex has a new partner. Are you jealous?
Now I'm completely bamboozled. You say the mother of your son has 2 other children
"She has two other sons from previous".. did they live with you while you were living with your ex? Do you have a relationship with them? Do you care about them?
Your son is only 7 years old, he's not able to make a rational decision about anything.
If you love him you will stay close by him.
Your ex has a new partner. Are you jealous?
Yes they lived with us. I don't really have a strong relationship with them, no. Never did really. Think they felt they were not being loyal to their own dad. I still send them bday, christmas and easter presents every year anyway. I care about them yes. But me leaving would pose no concern to them. As I rarely see them much anyway. One is 19 now and leaving for Cornwall soon. The other is a hermit and doesn't even like spending much time with his own dad nowadays. Kind of a mama's boy. If that makes sense?
My location does not determine how much I love my son.
I have never been jealous of my ex for meeting a new man. I prefer that she have someone else in her life, she can then yell at him too! :P
But seriously, my ex and I get along very well, much better as friends than we ever were as a couple.
What a weird question to ask
No need to feel bamboozled, I'm not going to write my life's story in here and put what I do not feel is relevant to this discussion. Things WILL come up as we progress through the discussion... believe me, my entire existence is not a sum of what is written in this thread! :P LOL
Last edited by C-Diddy; Jul 20th 2015 at 5:20 pm.
Jul 20th 2015, 5:18 pm
#85
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
So sorry if it came across as a weird question but at the back of my mind (probably wrongly) is the thought that you may have been, in a way, giving your ex the impression that you would return to Oz and make a good life for yourself so that your mutual son would leave her and join you. Perhaps I read too many books
Jul 20th 2015, 5:24 pm
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
So sorry if it came across as a weird question but at the back of my mind (probably wrongly) is the thought that you may have been, in a way, giving your ex the impression that you would return to Oz and make a good life for yourself so that your mutual son would leave her and join you. Perhaps I read too many books
No problem.My son would not be allowed to decide on his own until he was 16 or 18 years old anyway, but I want to give him that option when the time comes, if he so wants to take it. By then I am sure his mother may want to have a break! LOL
My son is 7 now and already asks me if he can come live with me hehe!
Jul 20th 2015, 5:42 pm
#87
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
Non c'e problema No problem.
My son would not be allowed to decide on his own until he was 16 or 18 years old anyway, but I want to give him that option when the time comes, if he so wants to take it. By then I am sure his mother may want to have a break! LOL
My son is 7 now and already asks me if he can come live with me hehe!
No problem.My son would not be allowed to decide on his own until he was 16 or 18 years old anyway, but I want to give him that option when the time comes, if he so wants to take it. By then I am sure his mother may want to have a break! LOL
My son is 7 now and already asks me if he can come live with me hehe!
Your son realistically could stay with you more often if mutually agreed. Plenty of divorced dads can come and do to a half time arrangement. I'm at a loss to know why you would give up the hugs and the love and being there for him especially when you now state you're not happy with the environment/family he's in now. You shouldn't be putting this on your child's shoulders either. You had a child... Your job is to protect and take care of him. What you want actually really doesn't come into it- at least when it means leaving a country to chase a dream.
Make no mistake, this is an entirely selfish act that you cannot justify.
Jul 20th 2015, 5:57 pm
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
It's not a joke
Your son realistically could stay with you more often if mutually agreed. Plenty of divorced dads can come and do to a half time arrangement. I'm at a loss to know why you would give up the hugs and the love and being there for him especially when you now state you're not happy with the environment/family he's in now. You shouldn't be putting this on your child's shoulders either. You had a child... Your job is to protect and take care of him. What you want actually really doesn't come into it- at least when it means leaving a country to chase a dream.
Make no mistake, this is an entirely selfish act that you cannot justify.
Your son realistically could stay with you more often if mutually agreed. Plenty of divorced dads can come and do to a half time arrangement. I'm at a loss to know why you would give up the hugs and the love and being there for him especially when you now state you're not happy with the environment/family he's in now. You shouldn't be putting this on your child's shoulders either. You had a child... Your job is to protect and take care of him. What you want actually really doesn't come into it- at least when it means leaving a country to chase a dream.
Make no mistake, this is an entirely selfish act that you cannot justify.
My son cannot stay with me more as it is because he has school and is on a set schedule. His mother doesn't want him to have an erratic schedule. Granted this would change anyway if I left or moved to say... London for a job. So it really doesn't matter where I go in the end at this rate. I need a job and a change of luck for my financial future... ergo... my son's future.
Getting angry replies like yours doesn't actually help sway me to want to stay. And it isn't just a dream... nor is it selfish. This... what I originally called a dream is really an attempt at a better life for me and ultimately an open door for my son's future, because let's face it... the UK is a crap place to live and everyone here, for the most part, struggles while the government muppets running the show have half a clue what they are doing.
It's about changing my circumstances to much better ones... leading to better opportunities, leading to a brighter future for me... and once my son is older, for him too if he so chooses to want that. I have to offer him something good for his future... Missing out on 4 on and off years of time is not that big a deal. With regular visits, skype and a few phone calls a week... I'm certain he would be cool and well-adjusted to it.
Anyway, am still thinking about it, not made any plans yet... get me a job here if you want me to stay with him so badly!
Last edited by C-Diddy; Jul 20th 2015 at 6:02 pm.
Jul 20th 2015, 6:22 pm
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
It's not the same I know, but I had one set of grandparents in the US and another in the UK growing up. The UK set came to all sorts of school things (sports days, nativity plays etc) and we saw them very regularly. The US set I only saw once or twice a year, and despite regular phone calls I was just never close to them as they didn't 'know' me or my life.
This is JMO and I'm just trying to play devils advocate, but you do seem to think that everything will be fine and I'm not sure you're facing the realities of a 10/11 year old boy whose father lives halfway across the world. I'm sorry, but I think when he's older and can understand that you chose to move away from him, he will naturally resent you for that and the distance will affect your relationship. I just think you need to consider what could happen to the relationship between father and son, and decide if it's worth it.
Good luck with your decision.
Jul 20th 2015, 6:37 pm
#90
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Re: Would you go, or stay? Australia v. UK in a circumstance
I think you are taking this way too personally. While I understand that you are a mum and have kids. Believe me, I am considering all outcomes, all scenarios and all what I would miss. In the end, what I do is what will be done. I am not yet sure what that will even be yet.
My son cannot stay with me more as it is because he has school and is on a set schedule. His mother doesn't want him to have an erratic schedule. Granted this would change anyway if I left or moved to say... London for a job. So it really doesn't matter where I go in the end at this rate. I need a job and a change of luck for my financial future... ergo... my son's future.
Getting angry replies like yours doesn't actually help sway me to want to stay. And it isn't just a dream... nor is it selfish. This... what I originally called a dream is really an attempt at a better life for me and ultimately an open door for my son's future, because let's face it... the UK is a crap place to live and everyone here, for the most part, struggles while the government muppets running the show have half a clue what they are doing.
It's about changing my circumstances to much better ones... leading to better opportunities, leading to a brighter future for me... and once my son is older, for him too if he so chooses to want that. I have to offer him something good for his future... Missing out on 4 on and off years of time is not that big a deal. With regular visits, skype and a few phone calls a week... I'm certain he would be cool and well-adjusted to it.
Anyway, am still thinking about it, not made any plans yet... get me a job here if you want me to stay with him so badly!
My son cannot stay with me more as it is because he has school and is on a set schedule. His mother doesn't want him to have an erratic schedule. Granted this would change anyway if I left or moved to say... London for a job. So it really doesn't matter where I go in the end at this rate. I need a job and a change of luck for my financial future... ergo... my son's future.
Getting angry replies like yours doesn't actually help sway me to want to stay. And it isn't just a dream... nor is it selfish. This... what I originally called a dream is really an attempt at a better life for me and ultimately an open door for my son's future, because let's face it... the UK is a crap place to live and everyone here, for the most part, struggles while the government muppets running the show have half a clue what they are doing.
It's about changing my circumstances to much better ones... leading to better opportunities, leading to a brighter future for me... and once my son is older, for him too if he so chooses to want that. I have to offer him something good for his future... Missing out on 4 on and off years of time is not that big a deal. With regular visits, skype and a few phone calls a week... I'm certain he would be cool and well-adjusted to it.
Anyway, am still thinking about it, not made any plans yet... get me a job here if you want me to stay with him so badly!