Originally Posted by christmasoompa

I've just realised who you are (not in a weird stalking sense, just in a 'oh, I've seen your PA ad on the other side of the forum sense'!).

So I'm confused, if you're an experienced Private PA, then you shouldn't be constantly struggling and in debt constantly? Perhaps salaries are massively different in Birmingham, but in London you could easily be on £40-60k a year (six figures if you're really top of the game, although that would involve a lot of travel - which may negate the whole reason to stay in the UK and be with your son), which would hardly be 'poverty'. £25-30ph for agency work in London.

So if you can't find work in Birmingham, then why not move elsewhere in the UK? You'd be an awful lot closer to your son than if you were in Oz, and if you were in London then you'd have plenty of time with him and still be able to see him at weekends.

And FWIW, I don't think your son would grow up thinking poorly of you even if you did struggle and not have much in the way of material possessions - if he's seen you work hard, then I'd imagine he'd respect you hugely for that. If you haven't guessed, I'm also in the 'no way should you leave your son and move to the other side of the world' camp!

If you decide to stay in the UK and want a few agencies to contact in London that deal with Private PA jobs, then send me a PM and I'll give you the details of the ones I'm registered with.

Good luck.

Originally Posted by verystormy

I will just add, you mention the economic reasons for doing this. You do know that the oz economy is starting to look for shaky with unemployment rising.

Originally Posted by Dorothy

While I'm not a dad (obviously, being female and all) I can give you the perspective of a father who worked away while his kids were growing up and those now adult children. My partner has 6 children and he worked his butt off to provide for them and his ex-wife. Usually working on a 4/1 or 5/1 roster in the mines. Yes, he had a house paid off by the time he was 30. Yes he made a stack of money. And yes the kids didn't want for anything material. However what they did miss (and this is from talking to them as adults now) was their father in their lives. When dad only comes home one week in 5 or 6 he's tired and just needs to unwind from weeks of long days away. He missed the births of 5 of his 6 children because he was away. He missed Christmas mornings, birthdays, anniversaries with his ex-wife, the Easter bunny coming, being the tooth fairy and all the little things parents don't realise they have until they aren't available to them. While the kids love their father they never really had much chance to get to know him as a dad and that hurts him and I'm sure it hurt them.

If you really want to move to Australia then I think you should. I'm not going to say you're 'walking out' or 'abandoning' your son. I think what you want to hear is that you should leave the UK and come here to live. I wish you luck finding a job in Perth (trust me, I've been looking for months) as a PA making the kind of money and benefits that would allow you to travel to visit your son as often as you want to, bearing in mind that you will be paying child support to your son's mother.

So...My vote is move to Australia but do it with all of the information available that you can get. Don't take what others have said as negative or judgemental; they're only trying to help you understand what obstacles you may face.

Originally Posted by C-Diddy

Hi. Yes I have heard, but it always seems to be better than it is here for some reason... will have to keep an eye on that too!

Originally Posted by C-Diddy

I do hear you and understand what you're saying. My thinking about the money side of things is what use am I if I cannot provide adequately for him...? What can I possibly offer him other than my time and presence?

Originally Posted by GarryP

OK, I'd suggest that the Australia part is something of a red herring.

You are basically saying should you base your life around your child for at least the next 10 years, or should you move on (however difficult that might be). You have to recognise that if you are in Oz for the next 4 years (as he grows from 7 to 11) you will grow away from him somewhat, and he from you. You wouldn't be able to come back and take over where you left off.

I don't know what your relationship is like with the boy's mother - I'm assuming not great.

I'm going to say something that will have the mothers at my throat, but I'd personally say you probably need to move on in some way - in that given the separation, your life shouldn't be centred around being available to your child. You are probably going to have to move on after less than ten years anyway - kids being what they are. There is also the likelihood of your ex shacking up with someone else, and him taking the 'father' role.

Now, you have no way of being sure that you'll actually want to stick Australia out long term, so even targeting citizenship and 4 years is debatable. What's not (AFAIC) is that you need to make what you can of your life for yourself, not put it on hold.

It would probably be better if you could agree something amicably with your ex regards he, and possibly they, visiting you in Australia for several weeks over Christmas each year, coupled with you taking a trip or two home during the year. That would help quite a bit. However divorcees tend to not end up so reasonable.

So, my suggestion is that this isn't a question of Australia so much as a question of moving on - and you need to answer that question first.

Originally Posted by Grayling

You say you split from your wife 4 years ago?

But 7 years ago you were living with your parents ( at the time your son was born?) and unemployed then....you also lived in Rome for 8 years?

What age are you?....this is all very confusing

Originally Posted by bourbon-biscuit

Oh, it's too sad You can offer him your TIME and PRESENCE. The rest is icing - time and presence are the real deal.

Originally Posted by C-Diddy

Huh? what are you talking about? lol.

I was never living with my parents!!?

When my son was born, I was living with my son's mother.
Wasn't unemployed then.

Originally Posted by bourbon-biscuit

Oh, it's too sad You can offer him your TIME and PRESENCE. The rest is icing - time and presence are the real deal.

Originally Posted by Grayling

In 2008 you posted on this forum that you were living with your parents and were looking for cheap accomodation in Rome as you had no money....anyone can see that from your posts back then

Originally Posted by christmasoompa

+1. I find the question 'what can I possibly offer him other than my time and presence' incredibly sad. That's the best thing you can offer your child, days out don't mean anything if you're not there for 350 days of the year and not part of his life.

Days out don't have to cost anything anyway, or can be done very cheaply, so I'm not sure why you think you can't take him anywhere. As an example, we often go to the museums in London on a Sunday (granted, we're closer to London than you, but there must be similar near you). Parking is free, entry is free, and then we take a packed lunch for when we're there. The kids love somewhere like the Natural History Museum or Science Museum, and other than some petrol it doesn't cost us a penny.

Originally Posted by C-Diddy

I would not have posted that. I will have to look at that. Unless my account got hacked

Originally Posted by C-Diddy

Yes agreed, but what about me? After all the time and presence I give him... and he grows up and I am stuck in the UK as an old grey hermit in a bedsit?

Originally Posted by Grayling

My mistake....i have corrected my previous post.