Originally Posted by Supposedwhale

Bit of a long story here, but in short I am 35 male from the UK I met my wife in Sydney in 2012 she is 35 and from Germany, we lived in Germany for approx 2 years before moving to the UK. We always said if the opportunity presents itself we would move to Australia. Recently that has happened, I am a police officer and now WA, QLD and SA are recruiting cops from the UK giving us a lot of choice.

We now have a 3 year old son (so for me the best time to go, he will understand roughly what's going on but he's not in school yet and wouldn't be too disrupted by the change). I started discussing it with my wife and initially she was on board, but now she has totally changed her mind and she doesn't think we should go. She is worried about being so far from the UK and Germany (all our parents are still with us and she is worried as they get older we wont be here for them) she is also worried about the reset on our lives, going from relatively settled (we own a home here with a substantial equity in it and a dog and cat here. We also have some really good friends around us here for support).

She has made some really good points that I cant dispute, missing out on the last years of our parents lives would be awful, as would having our son miss out on that. We also have the issue of me going on to shifts in Aus she will be left on her own with no one around her and no support with a 3 year old.

For me this is a huge deal and I am set on going but I cant go without them and I cant force them to come with me, I am worried at this point no matter what we end up doing one of us will eventually start to resent the other either her to me for pushing it until we moved and she missed the last years of her parents lives or me to her for us not going and then being stuck in the UK for the rest of our lives.

We have tried a pros and cons list and we have tried just talking all the points through but we still end up at the same result her on a hard no me on a hard yes. How have you solved issues like this is there something we can do to reassure some concerns like will it actually be better there than here (everything I read says it will be, is that right or is it skewed) or will our son actually lead a better life?



Any pointers tips or advice would be so helpful.

Cheers.

Originally Posted by Gordon Barlow

Just a reminder... Although the OP's family is split between staying in Britain and emigrating to Australia, he posed a general question that applies to all families regardless of their possible new homes. What applies to Australia as a choice (and Australia is a huge country, with a huge variety of destinations), probably also applies to other huge countries and varieties.

Originally Posted by Gordon Barlow

Just a reminder... Although the OP's family is split between staying in Britain and emigrating to Australia, he posed a general question that applies to all families regardless of their possible new homes. What applies to Australia as a choice (and Australia is a huge country, with a huge variety of destinations), probably also applies to other huge countries and varieties.

Originally Posted by abner

Sometimes I think this forum should be titled Whingeing Poms rather than British *Expats*... ;-)

While I agree that the OP faces an uphill battle with his significant other, and will likely need to cave in order to preserve that relationship, I'd still like to attempt the contrarian case for the Australian option.

The OP doesn't make it clear how long the nascent couple spent in Sydney together when they first met. But there must have been some spark not only between them, but also between them and Australia, to make Oz the focus of their initial plans as a couple. Did anything actually dim that prospect, other than distance from respective families?

Yes, property is expensive in Oz, as are trips back home, and it takes awhile to fit in and make friends with the natives. But I've never regretted the move, despite an early forced career change during the GFC, 3 years into the adventure. And while my eldest has "gone back'' to London with her partner for a 3-year-Euro-stint, to pad their resumes, they both feel homesick for Melbourne, and have kept their property here.

The overwhelmingly positive thing that I've found about Australia, for myself, my wife, and my children, is that one is never pigeon-holed, one is never out of new options to pursue, just "give it a red hot go".

And then relax on weekends, on the beach or parkland of your choice.

Originally Posted by abner

Sometimes I think this forum should be titled Whingeing Poms rather than British *Expats*... ;-)

While I agree that the OP faces an uphill battle with his significant other, and will likely need to cave in order to preserve that relationship, I'd still like to attempt the contrarian case for the Australian option.

The OP doesn't make it clear how long the nascent couple spent in Sydney together when they first met. But there must have been some spark not only between them, but also between them and Australia, to make Oz the focus of their initial plans as a couple. Did anything actually dim that prospect, other than distance from respective families?

Yes, property is expensive in Oz, as are trips back home, and it takes awhile to fit in and make friends with the natives. But I've never regretted the move, despite an early forced career change during the GFC, 3 years into the adventure. And while my eldest has "gone back'' to London with her partner for a 3-year-Euro-stint, to pad their resumes, they both feel homesick for Melbourne, and have kept their property here.

The overwhelmingly positive thing that I've found about Australia, for myself, my wife, and my children, is that one is never pigeon-holed, one is never out of new options to pursue, just "give it a red hot go".

And then relax on weekends, on the beach or parkland of your choice.

Originally Posted by SanDiegogirl

IMHO, anyone on this forum, who has ever expressed concerns (when contemplating emigrating), regarding 'really' going to miss their family, extended family, friends and home life have, in most cases, never truly settled in their new country.
Whichever country that has been outside of Europe.
They have always yearned for back home - especially when children came along and there was not that family/friend support network.

Originally Posted by the troubadour

Very true. But Australia/New Zealand, are special cases being so far. Fine enough when young, but various degrees of a chore when older.

Originally Posted by Pulaski

Clearly NZ and Australia are further from the UK than anywhere else, but I think that the practical impact is similar if you're in any "long haul" location (WRT the UK), such as Southern Africa, East or South Asia, or anywhere in the America's. Even from the East Coast US its an eight-ish hour flight (unless you're in Boston), plus check-in time, plus travel to the airport (another 3-5 hours, or more if you have to take a feeder flight, which adds layover time), making a total journey time that could easily be 20+ hours.

And honestly, I would argue that much the same applies to anywhere that is not a "jump in the car (or train/plane), same day journey" away, putting, in my personal opinion, even Spain and Italy, inconveniently far from family in the UK.

Originally Posted by the troubadour

In the micro sense I would agree. But speaking personally, a four hour flight is no problem. A six to ten hour doable. Where as an eighteen or there abouts is something to be endured and increasingly most un pleasant with the passing years.

Originally Posted by Pollyana

Agreed! Especially for people who are quite accustomed to the eats1west coast thing in Aus, which is often a 7 hour flight.
People forget that to undertake the entire trip to the UK, door to door, it usually takes around 36 hours, messing around with taxis, security queues, delays, transit stops, reboarding etc etc. I absolutely adore flying, but would think again about doing the trip as the less mobile one gets, the tougher the experience. The only way I would do it now is through Perth on the 17 hour non-stop, and even then its about another 8 or 9 hours to get to the east coast.
When I came home last year I came through Perth, with the shortest possible connection from Brisbane, and it took 36 hours to reach Heathrow.

Originally Posted by the troubadour

Thing being, no matter how tired, I just cannot fall asleep on a plane. (besides a few minutes of dozing which tends to make me feel worse) I'm full of admiration for those that do, and wonder just how much is chemically induced? I deplore the use of drugs for such things, but for the first time have a prescription from my doctor to assist with sleeping. No idea yet if will act upon it.

It must be torture for those living in the Eastern States or even worse NZ.

Will be arriving in Athens , a city have not been to in decades, and as intend to take public transport, will require my wits about me to ensure no mishaps.

Originally Posted by the troubadour

Thing being, no matter how tired, I just cannot fall asleep on a plane. (besides a few minutes of dozing which tends to make me feel worse) I'm full of admiration for those that do, and wonder just how much is chemically induced? I deplore the use of drugs for such things, but for the first time have a prescription from my doctor to assist with sleeping. No idea yet if will act upon it.

It must be torture for those living in the Eastern States or even worse NZ.

Will be arriving in Athens , a city have not been to in decades, and as intend to take public transport, will require my wits about me to ensure no mishaps.

Originally Posted by abner

Sometimes I think this forum should be titled Whingeing Poms rather than British *Expats*... ;-)

While I agree that the OP faces an uphill battle with his significant other, and will likely need to cave in order to preserve that relationship, I'd still like to attempt the contrarian case for the Australian option.

The OP doesn't make it clear how long the nascent couple spent in Sydney together when they first met. But there must have been some spark not only between them, but also between them and Australia, to make Oz the focus of their initial plans as a couple. Did anything actually dim that prospect, other than distance from respective families?

Yes, property is expensive in Oz, as are trips back home, and it takes awhile to fit in and make friends with the natives. But I've never regretted the move, despite an early forced career change during the GFC, 3 years into the adventure. And while my eldest has "gone back'' to London with her partner for a 3-year-Euro-stint, to pad their resumes, they both feel homesick for Melbourne, and have kept their property here.

The overwhelmingly positive thing that I've found about Australia, for myself, my wife, and my children, is that one is never pigeon-holed, one is never out of new options to pursue, just "give it a red hot go".

And then relax on weekends, on the beach or parkland of your choice.