Whinge time!
Jul 17th 2005 | 9:14 pm
#16
Chocoholic
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,900
From: Betchworth, Surrey.
Re: Whinge time!
Hope you don't mind but I'd like to add my own experiences. (This may be a long story 
)
After a wonderful holiday in Oz last summer, we (that's me, hubby, and 3 teenage kids) decided that we would like to move over there permanently. We spent 4 months thinking about it once we got back here, during which time we discovered that we had enough points to go.
In the first week of January, we told both sets of parents and all the brothers and sisters. My dad thought it was a great idea and wished us all the luck in the world. My mum said the same but with a few tears. She understands why we want to go. They have been over for holidays themselves so they know why we like it. My mum's sister and family emigrated there 24 years ago and have never looked back. My brother was sooo jealous cos he wants to go too (he's also been on holiday there), and he's now looking into getting there. One of my sisters again could understand why and wished us good luck. Her husband desperately wants to go so she too will probably make the move in the not too distant future, although she doesn't want to go herself. The reasons she will go though is A) because of her husband and B) because of me. We are extremely close and are the best of friends. My youngest sister again wished us well but I know doesn't really want us to go. Both my sisters have also visited Oz before.
One of my friends is right behind us, but then again she has just moved her family to Spain. All my other friends are not entirely happy about us going but have wished us luck. They've promised to visit though. But I'm not really sure why they are not completely behind us. We don't see a huge amount of them and then it's usually me who makes the arrangements to see them.
Then we get to the In-Laws
Now there's a different story altogether! My MIL, FIL and SIL are furious with us and are refusing to speak to us anymore, which hurts my husband. We have been blamed for all sorts of illnesses that they are suffering from, including cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure. They were suffering from these conditions even before we went on holiday last year, let alone since we've told them we're emigrating!!! They take it out on our kids by not seeing them and trying to get our eldest daughter to change her mind about going. The kids want to go just as much as we do. They had a go at us for telling them so far in advance. (We won't get out there until August next year). But they would have been furious if we had left it till were boarding the plane! We passed the TRA last week and haven't told them yet. We don't think we'll bother either. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. We've offered to pay for their flights over, although they not short of money, but they are refusing to come. We've tried talking, begging even, but they don't want to know.
So I don't know what to think anymore. I'm determined to go although I know we are hurting more people than I thought we would, and the reason for this is simple. I have my own children's futures to think about now, not just ours. If it doesn't work out, then we will come back, but I'd like to get citizenship first so that we have options as we really don't know "what is round the corner". The kids can then decide where they want to be once they are adults. If they choose to be on the other side of the world then I will have to respect their decision. It's their lives just as it's our lives now.
And as hubby will be 45 in a couple of years, this is our only chance to go for it. We'll never know otherwise and will always wonder "what if".
Sorry to ramble on, but it's good to get it off your chest once in a while. I know that we're not the only ones as loads of us have the same problem, so good luck to all of you.
Julie
)After a wonderful holiday in Oz last summer, we (that's me, hubby, and 3 teenage kids) decided that we would like to move over there permanently. We spent 4 months thinking about it once we got back here, during which time we discovered that we had enough points to go.
In the first week of January, we told both sets of parents and all the brothers and sisters. My dad thought it was a great idea and wished us all the luck in the world. My mum said the same but with a few tears. She understands why we want to go. They have been over for holidays themselves so they know why we like it. My mum's sister and family emigrated there 24 years ago and have never looked back. My brother was sooo jealous cos he wants to go too (he's also been on holiday there), and he's now looking into getting there. One of my sisters again could understand why and wished us good luck. Her husband desperately wants to go so she too will probably make the move in the not too distant future, although she doesn't want to go herself. The reasons she will go though is A) because of her husband and B) because of me. We are extremely close and are the best of friends. My youngest sister again wished us well but I know doesn't really want us to go. Both my sisters have also visited Oz before.
One of my friends is right behind us, but then again she has just moved her family to Spain. All my other friends are not entirely happy about us going but have wished us luck. They've promised to visit though. But I'm not really sure why they are not completely behind us. We don't see a huge amount of them and then it's usually me who makes the arrangements to see them.
Then we get to the In-Laws
Now there's a different story altogether! My MIL, FIL and SIL are furious with us and are refusing to speak to us anymore, which hurts my husband. We have been blamed for all sorts of illnesses that they are suffering from, including cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure. They were suffering from these conditions even before we went on holiday last year, let alone since we've told them we're emigrating!!! They take it out on our kids by not seeing them and trying to get our eldest daughter to change her mind about going. The kids want to go just as much as we do. They had a go at us for telling them so far in advance. (We won't get out there until August next year). But they would have been furious if we had left it till were boarding the plane! We passed the TRA last week and haven't told them yet. We don't think we'll bother either. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. We've offered to pay for their flights over, although they not short of money, but they are refusing to come. We've tried talking, begging even, but they don't want to know. So I don't know what to think anymore. I'm determined to go although I know we are hurting more people than I thought we would, and the reason for this is simple. I have my own children's futures to think about now, not just ours. If it doesn't work out, then we will come back, but I'd like to get citizenship first so that we have options as we really don't know "what is round the corner". The kids can then decide where they want to be once they are adults. If they choose to be on the other side of the world then I will have to respect their decision. It's their lives just as it's our lives now.
And as hubby will be 45 in a couple of years, this is our only chance to go for it. We'll never know otherwise and will always wonder "what if".
Sorry to ramble on, but it's good to get it off your chest once in a while. I know that we're not the only ones as loads of us have the same problem, so good luck to all of you.
Julie
Jul 17th 2005 | 10:12 pm
#17
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 471
From: Perth
Re: Whinge time!
Originally Posted by Jim2004
Ok, bout time I had a whinge! ...lol.
Family/friends lack of support.
Well to briefly outline, me and family have wanted to emigrate to Oz for about 2 yrs. We tried with prev skills thru TRA and no good
Now both myself and partner are gonna attempt the risky 'study to PR' as basically it's that or nothing!
Ok.
Well it's just the support, or lack of really. I'm REALLY fudged off with it all and feel I need to let rip!
I've got a few close friends who both have disappeared from Cyberland (one in Israel, other UK) since I told them Oz was back on, and we had a holiday booked so we could go out and check everything was what we imagined it would be. Normally it would be daily emails between us all with the usual silly stuff, but the odd serious email too now and then but since telling them about our plans ......... silence in cyberland!
The last comment from the UK friend after me telling them the latest was "don't do bankin on Oz!" ... which is just SOOOOOOO positive isn't it! The other friend has just disappeared!
Then there's the family!
"oh well EVERYONE thinks your mad, and doin the wrong thing!" was one of the last comments to come from my mums mouth. One of my brothers last comment's when I told him Oz was back on was "I'm not saying nothing!" ........ and my dad thinks I REALLY have lost the plot!
SOOOOOOO much support, I know your all jealous! ...lol, but it DOES get to me!
Why can't ppl just see this is what 'WE' want to do (and I mean ALL of us! ... kids and all!) and just wish us luck ???
My mum had a 60th party recently and I see loads of relatives from all over the UK (not seen most for over 5yrs!) and I wanted to spill the beans, but didn't after most ppl on BE (did a post about it!) said I should leave it. Anyway, I found out only a few days ago that one of my brothers had pulled my daughter to one side and asked her if she wanted to go to Oz? She replied "yes", and he then went on to question her as to if she REALLY wanted to go! ........ as if we're funkin twisting her bloody arm!!
BOTH our kids are as much up for this as we are, and some ppl around us know this, but it's just the ones that SHOULD be closest, just can't see it!
Oh I dunno, whinge over!
I had soooo much more to say, but this is prob too long a post already, and I'd like a lil support really so don't want to risk sending you to sleep ...
Someone please tell me this is usual, and all part of the package!
I KNOW many ppl have probs with teenagers not wanting to go with them to Oz (or wherever!) and all the rest, but ALL of us want it, but I just can't get my head round why pretty much all of our family think we're 'doin the wrong thing' moving to Oz!
HELP!!
Family/friends lack of support.
Well to briefly outline, me and family have wanted to emigrate to Oz for about 2 yrs. We tried with prev skills thru TRA and no good
Now both myself and partner are gonna attempt the risky 'study to PR' as basically it's that or nothing! Ok.
Well it's just the support, or lack of really. I'm REALLY fudged off with it all and feel I need to let rip!
I've got a few close friends who both have disappeared from Cyberland (one in Israel, other UK) since I told them Oz was back on, and we had a holiday booked so we could go out and check everything was what we imagined it would be. Normally it would be daily emails between us all with the usual silly stuff, but the odd serious email too now and then but since telling them about our plans ......... silence in cyberland!
The last comment from the UK friend after me telling them the latest was "don't do bankin on Oz!" ... which is just SOOOOOOO positive isn't it! The other friend has just disappeared!
Then there's the family!
"oh well EVERYONE thinks your mad, and doin the wrong thing!" was one of the last comments to come from my mums mouth. One of my brothers last comment's when I told him Oz was back on was "I'm not saying nothing!" ........ and my dad thinks I REALLY have lost the plot!
SOOOOOOO much support, I know your all jealous! ...lol, but it DOES get to me!
Why can't ppl just see this is what 'WE' want to do (and I mean ALL of us! ... kids and all!) and just wish us luck ???
My mum had a 60th party recently and I see loads of relatives from all over the UK (not seen most for over 5yrs!) and I wanted to spill the beans, but didn't after most ppl on BE (did a post about it!) said I should leave it. Anyway, I found out only a few days ago that one of my brothers had pulled my daughter to one side and asked her if she wanted to go to Oz? She replied "yes", and he then went on to question her as to if she REALLY wanted to go! ........ as if we're funkin twisting her bloody arm!!
BOTH our kids are as much up for this as we are, and some ppl around us know this, but it's just the ones that SHOULD be closest, just can't see it!
Oh I dunno, whinge over!
I had soooo much more to say, but this is prob too long a post already, and I'd like a lil support really so don't want to risk sending you to sleep ...
Someone please tell me this is usual, and all part of the package!
I KNOW many ppl have probs with teenagers not wanting to go with them to Oz (or wherever!) and all the rest, but ALL of us want it, but I just can't get my head round why pretty much all of our family think we're 'doin the wrong thing' moving to Oz!
HELP!!
They'll come round eventually especially when they see you making a go of your new life and being happy
Cheers
Yvonne
Jul 17th 2005 | 11:07 pm
#18
Chocoholic
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,900
From: Betchworth, Surrey.
Re: Whinge time!
Lets hope so, eh
Jul 18th 2005 | 12:17 am
#19
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,584
Re: Whinge time!
If there is one thing I have managed to learn from life that is when there is a major decision to be made don't listen to any of the wisdom that any of your friends, relatives, fortune teller, horoscope, hairdresser, cab driver, vicar, witch doctor or blokes down the pub might give you. Only you know what is best for you and your family.
Jim, you will love it here, it is a great place. There is plenty of opportunity, it is clean and unpolluted, the lifestyle is great. It is a paradise compared with the UK. I have only been here for six months and I don't know why anyone would want to live in England after living here.
We had the same crap thrown at us before we left. When my brother finally worked out we were definatley going he was then trying to get me to commit to times I would come back to visit the parents.
I am glad we did what we felt was right for the family and emigrated. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.
Follow your instincts and you will not be dissappointed.
Good Luck
Jim, you will love it here, it is a great place. There is plenty of opportunity, it is clean and unpolluted, the lifestyle is great. It is a paradise compared with the UK. I have only been here for six months and I don't know why anyone would want to live in England after living here.
We had the same crap thrown at us before we left. When my brother finally worked out we were definatley going he was then trying to get me to commit to times I would come back to visit the parents.
I am glad we did what we felt was right for the family and emigrated. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.
Follow your instincts and you will not be dissappointed.
Good Luck
Jul 18th 2005 | 12:34 am
#20
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 6,360
Re: Whinge time!
I think if your friends have lost contact already then they obviously werent true friends to start with.
That said, my closest friend backed off a bit after I told her about our plans, I think it was the shock and she was upset at the thought of "losing" me if I was so far away.
She's OK now and can manage to talk about Oz, although she still says comments like "you'll be leaving me".
I think a move like this really roots out the good friends from the bad, if they are good friends they'll keep in touch no matter what.
As for family stuff them, it's YOUR life not theirs and if they're not happy about it too bad. I know it's hard and yes, it would be heaps easier if they were happier about it, but dont let them get you down.
That said, my closest friend backed off a bit after I told her about our plans, I think it was the shock and she was upset at the thought of "losing" me if I was so far away.
She's OK now and can manage to talk about Oz, although she still says comments like "you'll be leaving me".
I think a move like this really roots out the good friends from the bad, if they are good friends they'll keep in touch no matter what.
As for family stuff them, it's YOUR life not theirs and if they're not happy about it too bad. I know it's hard and yes, it would be heaps easier if they were happier about it, but dont let them get you down.
Jul 18th 2005 | 1:00 am
#21
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 56
From: Bristol
Re: Whinge time!
For me personally, I think the sad thing is there are no guarantees that our new lives are going to work out as planned!! We all hope they will be what we expect but there are so many "unknowns" out there and no guarantees. I think that is why it would be great if family and friends offered support and if you like a bit of positive energy!!! as you need it right now.
My husbands family never thought I was good enough to be his girlfriend and certainly not his wife!! They made darn sure they made a point of that on my wedding day! The house we bought was too expensive and it was nicer to have two not "three" children!!!
We have always carried on and lived our life the way we wanted with or without their support and have done fine! married 7 years and 3 beautiful children!!! However I guess what I'm trying to say is life can be really hard and emmigrating is a really emotional and unpredictable rollercoaster...I think if family and friends can see it in themselves to offer unselfish luck and support it would be so valuable and very appreciated. People can be quite short-sighted...but you must do what you feel is right for you and your family now...you will be the ones ultimately enjoying the benefits and sticking together through the tough times in the future.
My husbands family never thought I was good enough to be his girlfriend and certainly not his wife!! They made darn sure they made a point of that on my wedding day! The house we bought was too expensive and it was nicer to have two not "three" children!!!
We have always carried on and lived our life the way we wanted with or without their support and have done fine! married 7 years and 3 beautiful children!!! However I guess what I'm trying to say is life can be really hard and emmigrating is a really emotional and unpredictable rollercoaster...I think if family and friends can see it in themselves to offer unselfish luck and support it would be so valuable and very appreciated. People can be quite short-sighted...but you must do what you feel is right for you and your family now...you will be the ones ultimately enjoying the benefits and sticking together through the tough times in the future.
Jul 18th 2005 | 1:24 am
#22
Thread Starter
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,439
Re: Whinge time!
Thanks everyone yeah we're going with it all whatever friends OR family think!
I'd still prefer it if everyone WOULD wish us luck, all the best etc, but if they don't they don't, I can't force them too!
I'm hoping everything will come together closer to the time, but if I have ANYONE questioning my kids again, we will fall out! ..... I'm NOT having any of that goin on! Question them ok, but none of this 'underhand' do you REALLY want to go stuff? Yes they both do REALLY want to go, thank gawd cos if they was bating for the same team as my family, that would just make it all soooooo much harder!
Funny thing is we had all of my partners side up yesterday for a BBQ and stuff, and they're ALL behind us. They fire questions about Oz at us, and seem so interested in it all, yet my family it's 'change the subject time' as soon as Oz is mentioned!
Sa la vie I guess.
yeah we're going with it all whatever friends OR family think! I'd still prefer it if everyone WOULD wish us luck, all the best etc, but if they don't they don't, I can't force them too!
I'm hoping everything will come together closer to the time, but if I have ANYONE questioning my kids again, we will fall out! ..... I'm NOT having any of that goin on! Question them ok, but none of this 'underhand' do you REALLY want to go stuff? Yes they both do REALLY want to go, thank gawd cos if they was bating for the same team as my family, that would just make it all soooooo much harder!
Funny thing is we had all of my partners side up yesterday for a BBQ and stuff, and they're ALL behind us. They fire questions about Oz at us, and seem so interested in it all, yet my family it's 'change the subject time' as soon as Oz is mentioned!
Sa la vie I guess.
