Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I am totally addicted to this forum, and been reading an awful lot over the weekend. What is standing out is peoples obsession with making friends when they arrive in Australia. I am currently in the UK and have very few friends through choice. I have my work and my four kids, my mum lives an hour away and my sister 5 minutes around the corner, probably see her once a month.

Making friends would be way down on my list of priorities, more important for my kids to make friends etc. My only worry if I ever did emigrate is having nobody to meet me at the airport, but I am a fly by the seat of your pants kind of woman, so would just get a taxi to the rental or something.

Claire x

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

Good for you. However, I, and probably most other people, are not like you. I want/need friends for many reasons - that doesn't mean that I am not independent and can't get along with my own company.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I appreciate that everyone needs friends, of course we do. However I wouldnt place such huge importance on it initially, friendships take time to develop and become real friendships, just reading through the forum, alot of people say how isolated they feel not having friends after 3/4 weeks of arriving, even if you did make friends really quickly, they surely wouldnt feel like close dependable friendships until much later. You are right, I am different in that I enjoy my own company, I love reading and can get totally lost in a good book etc. I suppose its the single parent in me, the more time I have spent on my own the more I like it :lol:

Claire x

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I do understand your point. When I moved from the north to the south I gradually built up a new network of friends, but my now ex wife just couldnt do it and constantly pined for her old friends.... ironically now we are divorced she never moved back and still has no friends!

I think its more of a social progression thing, friends open doors etc...

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I think the key to what you have said, is having 4 kids :)

I am a rather social creature and had so many friends at home that I often found it hard to diarise them. I came here and was SO glad of the break. Now with kids, I cant be bothered much and like my own space. In the last 7 years I have gone more solo and it really suits me.

You do pick more up though unintentionally along the way!

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

At some point you may hit hard times(I hope not though!)then you will realise the importance of friends.
Everyone is different but to me, friends are a priority right near the top. A decent house or job is actually fairly easy to find, finding a decent friend involves luck, effort and the full application of your instinct.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I agree with your point to a point lol. I have hard times here in the UK, however I just get on with it and sort it out. I hate asking anyone for help, just a personality trait I guess. I wouldnt dream of asking the few friends that I do have to help me in anyway, like lending me money etc. I do enjoy a good natter with a mate, but can function just as easily without it.

Are you starting to see why I dont have many friends :lol:

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I think friends are important for a few reasons.

One we all need an outlet even so we can talk about our friends with our partners. Or vice versa.

Sometimes you just need people it can be very dis-heartening when you are stuck at work, your wife needs a hand and you have no-one you can call.:ohmy:

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

A lot of Poms arrive in Australia and complain after two years that they don't have as many friends as they did in the UK. (This is usually blamed on Australians, for some strange reason).

What they seem to forget is that you can't replace several decades of friendships within the space of a few short years in a new country. After all, they didn't accumulate all their UK friends in two or three years, so why would Australia be any different?

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I think the point of having good friends is that you don't have to ask for help, they offer it!

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I am a rock
I am an iiiiiiiislaaaand

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

It's too early for singing Sparty!:frown:
Ssshhh!

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I have such crap friends then :lol: never offer me nowt :lol:

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I think it comes down to personality types. Myers-Briggs would classify it as I (Introverted* type) or E (Extroverted type). *Note that this is not derogatory in Myers-Briggs. A study of the US (which will have a similar trend to the UK and Aus) shows that about 20% of people are type I. These are people who are happy to function on their own (internal thinkers) whereas type E tend to need to be with other people (external thinkers). I think this is one of the reasons why we still need offices in industries that don't need offices. A lot of people need to interact with other people to function.

I'm like you. I like having friends (especially drinking and exercise buddies) but I can function quite easily without them. Thus making friends wasn't a top priority and is just something I let happen. My wife is the opposite.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

That is really interesting, thankyou. I guess I am the introverted type, however I do have a wicked sense of humour and a very confident person. I have always made brilliant friends with people I work with, however when ever I have changed jobs, I have never spoken to them again :lol: Its become a bit of a standing joke where I work now, I get on fantastically with my deputy, go to her house after work every day etc, although I have told her its all over whenever I leave :lol: she keeps threatening to make me her pet project and keep tabs on me when I do leave, will have to wait and see. I am not a horrible person, just find it easy to be on my own.

My sister on the other hand is a definate type E, she collects friends. Has new ones, old ones and they are all over the country and on her doorstep, she would be totally bereft and unable to function without them.

Claire x
Claire x

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

Although like you - to a point - and certainly in the UK - I have found having a support network here fairly crucial. Not for chatting or borrowing money, but for day to day help - such as picking the girls up for school when I've had a flat tyre or when I've been ill or looking after them in school holidays when I've had a dental appointment etc. BTW I'm not all take, take :rofl:

Yes, I could have coped with this on my own - but what about when I'm stuck in traffic and can't get back for school pick up or if you had to work late on something urgent. It just makes life easier to have friends to help out and vice versa of course.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I want to befriend Dolphins!

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

the original post wasn't about having friendships that you have had for years and trying to reciprocate that in a very short time in Australia it was about not having to have friends per se.

Of course we could all probably function without friends around us but that is not the point - the point for many of us is that we enjoy/want/need friendships - we like to have friends around us - some of those friends will be long term ones and anothers not. Some friends come into our lives for a limited time and others stay the course and become lifelong friends.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I am the Walrus!

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

Did you post this on porpoise?

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

It's a shame that they used the word Introverted as it has other meanings in the real world. In Myers-Briggs it just means that you like to think internally (i.e. you tend to think about something and give an answer rather than thinking aloud). It doesn't mean that you are socially inept which is unfortunately what it means in the real world.

As with all these things it's only a framework and does have limitations (i.e. don't take it too seriously like the consultant who first introduced me to it :D). It was funny though in the class one salesman came out as a type I and he was desperate to be a type E as type E are better suited to sales.

Here's the test if you want to do it. I seem to be an INTJ (a select group :D)
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

"I get by with a little help from my friends" is possibly the most profound song The Beatles ever wrote.
My friends are getting me by just now, without them I would have sunk.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I have fallen into quite a few friendships since moving over here.. I have about 3 very close lifetime friends who live back in England and I talk to them all the time (msn, skype blah blah blah). The friendships that I have made over here, close ones, are mainly British. I have one close Australian friend and I love her to bits.

I don't think it is to do with need, its more of a release for me. I like talking and socialising and if i get to do that whilst having a beer or a coffee then that is even better.

Close friendships take years to build and effort to maintain so I can see why people don't want to invest in them. For me, the effort and investment in my new friendships come like a 2nd nature to me. And I rarely ask for anything in return from them either. My close friends, and I count our Viv in that group, usually just help me out regardlessly of if I ask or want it. That is the sort of friend that I love to have. However.. very needy people scare the bejasus out of me!

Em x

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

Please be my friend?:(

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

:wub: goes without saying ;)

Em x

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

:lol: Your post was spot on, it's not need.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

Forgive me . . .I've just got in .. .

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I can feel the tribes forming as we speak. :D

People are different. Live and let live. Don't read too much into what people say. Sometimes you have to ask questions, if the ways of others doesn't match your own.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

:confused:

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

When two tribes go to war, a point is all that you can score.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I'm heading it off at the pass.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

What?
Am I missing soething here?

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I don't have a huge circle of friends, never have. Got two really good mates in the UK and one or two here. I have always being slightly negative and assume some people have an ulterior motive to being a friend. I've been proved right on a number of occasions and that probably makes me back off. There seem to be a type of person out there that wants to be friends to prove something to other people but the actual friendship is hugely flawed and possibly dangerous.

However we're all different and have different needs, some people need and want to do as many meets when they get here as possible in order to find friends whereas I am more of the opinion that I am unlikely to find a good friend from such places and the fact that we have migrating to another country in common as a starting point, there is actually damn all we have in common in reality. Loads of people love them though and can't wait for the next one so as long as they happen it's all good.:lol:

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I want to go to the next meet so I can sit next to you! :thumbup:

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

You won't find me there :lol: but you can sit next to me anyway :D

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I think you have a really healthy attitude. I wonder why these people that see their mums/mates every day emigrate in the first place. This is why the return rate is so high among these people - but what makes them think they can do it in the first place when they are so close to family/friends?

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

I've never been sure why people get SO hung up on the whole ''must make lots of friends'' thing all the time in life in general, not just when emigrating.

I think, much like the way some people need to slag off the country they've left behind, it is motivated by basic insecurity a lot of the time. People need to validate themselves and the things they do. Criticising a former home country or an old lover or job is an easy way of feeling more content/less depressed.

Making friends is a means of feeling that you are likeable and popular and spending time with others stops you spending time ruminating on things that might bring you down.

I'd make a case that you can attribute a large amount of what people do to insecurity of some kind.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

Because very, very few people realise what they've got until it's gone.

Re: Whats with the obsession with making friends
 

. . .they paved paradise and put up a parking lot . . .