Dicko

Totally agree Nicole this is the option I have put to my wife, that if it doesn't work at least we can say we had a go and never have regrets of not trying it!
As for my parents if they were still here I would still feel the same and I know they would be very excited for us and they would look forward to the holidays they would have when they came to see us!

miss brodie

This is all really tough and i sympathise as i was in this place 18 months ago. All you can do is honestly state your position and your reasons for wanting to give another country a try and keep stating it through all the hassle and grief until it starts to sink in. My Mum and Dad were actually fine after the initial shock, but my partner's family were very upset and we got the whole phone slamming, you're being selfish accusations thing. We tried to remain positve through it all, offering help in the purchase of a computer, helping set up email, providing information on flights and once we arrived here, sending lots of photos and informawtion about our new life. You really can do no more.

Surfer Chick

I feel quite sorry for my mum and dad. They have one son in Southampton, 40 minutes away, no problem, with two kids. But the other son went to Utah three years ago, no kids. Now we're planning on New Zealand, two kids who they have seen nearly everyday.

They see my brother every seven months, either meeting them somewhere in USA or going to Utah or he comes home. They also enjoy their holiday in Portugal every year. At the moment it's alright cause dad has their flights paid for, but only for another four years. Hubby told my mum and dad, first reaction from mum was 'I thought she loved me as much as I love her'. She recovered quickly though and said she would never try and stop us. I think they have settled their minds to the fact that it won't actually happen. That's not a bad thing as at least she won't be winding her self up for no reason if we don't get the visa.

I haven't spoken to them about it yet. Mum tries to bring it up by mentioning my brother then OTHER people and their experiences, saying how wonderful things are in other places in the world, but every country has troubles etc.

I just don't want to talk to them about it, because I will then be having to defend my decision and the country. They understandably will always find the negative.

Sorry I went on a bit

Carol in Oz

Dear TT
Grew up myself with no grandmother and only saw grandfathers now and again and never questioned absence of grandmothers. My daughters have grown up with NO grandparents here - wasnt supposed to happen that way mum was coming out too but it didnt happen. We made sure our girls knew their grandparents as best we could via letters phone calls etc. and a few visits back home. I think you will find your children when they arrive will accept their family situation as it is. You might feel guilty for depriving them of their family but they wont know anything different . My daughters are old enough now to visit the UK on their own should they want to but havent done so. However should my girls have been born in the UK it might be a different story and they might want to go.
As far as all your parents are concerned I can fully understand where they are coming from. They want the best for you but also dont want you to leave - its a tough one. I havent seen my own little granddaughter for over 2 years now and it breaks my heart (taken overseas by Leb muslim son in law and wont bring her back - B******)
I know should my own girls want to leave I would not be happy but then THEIR happiness is what matters most to me.
Carol

Sarah2004

Reading all of these posts brings tears to my eyes as I know how painful it can be when parents put pressure on you not to leave. I am a kiwi and hubby is English and when we told them earlier this year that we were going to go to NZ they were fine initially as they had been telling us for about a year that we should leave England and make our lives down there but when we actually told them we were doing it, selling the house etc their whole attitude changed mainly aimed at me cause if it wasn't for me their favourite son wouldn't be leaving them. I would hear for months to my face about how crap NZ was plus personal insults about me!! and they have never been there or anywhere near! I finally put my foot down and said that he can visit them if he wishes but I am no longer going there.....basically they even said to him that they were being selfish and think that we would be better off down there but they didn't want us (or him rather) to go. My parents in NZ on the other hand have maintained in the 7 or so years I have been gone that they would love me to be home but would rather I was happy somewhere else than miserable in NZ with them, complete polar opposites of the other set I think!

however a few months have passed and my in-laws best friends have announced that they are going to emigrate to Australia (where their daughter has migrated) and now in-laws are looking into migrating in few years to NZ after figuring out that their cash assest and pensions might possibly go further down there so we might have a happy ending yet.......well at least hubby won't feel as guilty

Dawn Adams

Call their bluff.....either take the parents or leave the kids.

JayneS

This is really interesting to read as I have just received positive TRA assessment back and have said all along I wouldn't tell my family until I got through this bit as there may be no point. Now it's here I'm absolutely dreading it. Although over the moon about the assessment!

I've told my mum who is really positive as I'm sure most people will be but even so as I'm so close to my Dad, my sister and her children I know it's going to be very hard for them and me and I put off telling them every day!!

I have just watched somebody turn down a job in NZ because both sets of parents were so unreasonable and I couldn't believe how selfish they were. They really wanted to go but couldn't because of the tears etc which is terrible.

I think of the things like when my parents get old and my sister will have to look after them as I'll be on the other side of the world. But on the other hand its my life etc etc! Knowing this doesn't make it any easier though and I'll put it off for one more day at least!!

Foggies

We decided the best policy was to tell our parents as soon as we made the decision to apply. This gave them time to think long and hard and both sets have looked at it from our side as well as their own. We were in a slightly different position in that Marc lost his job so we decided to look at all the options open to us i.e. move somewhere else in the UK, down size and stay in our nice cosy village or do something exciting. We told them before we actually applied; although we were 99% decided that we were going to do it anyway.
About a week later, we showed them all the research that we'd done into jobs, schooling, where we are hoping to live, assured them that there would be a bedroom for them to stay in when they visited, all the spiders would be packed off on holiday when they come over, we'd have a contingency fund to come back to the UK should the need arise etc basically trying to cover all eventualities. We got great feed back from them to such an extent that if Claire has a wobble, it's her Mum that gives her the "pep" talks! ( Hey, hang on maybe they're TRYING to get rid of us) Mind you her Mum has said that if one more person tells her what a lovely place it is to go on holiday, she'll swing for them! They know themselves that the only reason they want us to stay is for selfish reasons and we think they're great for admitting that so openly.
We are really sad to read about how much angst and pressure some of you guys are going through, because after the initial shock both sets of our parents have been very supportive.
You do have to be very selfish when it comes to making these decisions but no one goes into them lightly, ours was made as our future was fairly bleak in the UK and it was something that although we have talked about doing in the past didn't consider due to the "Golden handcuffs" of a steady job our parents obviously realised that too.
Marc's parents have had practice as one of his brothers moved to Christchurch in January this year! ( AND LOVES IT!)

Good luck to you all, our advice.... tell 'em early & let them get used to the idea Oh and have plenty of tissues handy.


Marc & Claire

Brissie here we come!

bundy

Isn't there a question of balance? The way my partner and I look at it, it's always going to be a hell of a lot easier for my family to visit us in Oz (assuming I get my visa, of course) than it is for his family to come over here. My family have the means to do so, his don't. We don't have children, but when we do start a brood, then this will be a major consideration.

I'm lucky in that I have the kind of family that are always going off and living in foreign lands - everyone's all over the place, so my parents are used to keeping in touch with people all over the planet. We've told them about our plans gradually, letting them get used to things bit by bit, telling them that it may not be forever and emphasing the positive (ie cheap holidays to the other side of the world for them!).

When I came back from a year living in Oz, my mum told me that I had never looked happier or healthier. Whatever their misgivings, that's all they want for me.